Julian De Vizio - The One That Got Away

"The Truth Changes Things" (Part 11)

I missed him, more than any other human could ever begin to comprehend. Every single miserable day without Julian was both pointless and unbearable. There was a hole in my heart, and an aching only fixable by Julian himself. It felt like my whole world was caving in around me, and no one was nearby to realise. I wasn’t clingy, or love sick, or any other pathetic stereotype. I used to be in a mutual love, but now I was simply alone. I had been deserted by the very person that had once saved me from this crude despair. I didn’t exist to Julian anymore. Everything reminded me of him, only enhancing the heart ache further. My reality had been turned on its head completely, and I don’t think Julian even had a clue. How could he do this? Better yet, why was he doing this? I desperately wanted to know, but I wasn’t entirely sure that my heart could take it. So, I’d suppressed every miniscule feeling my body was capable of. But that didn’t mean one of us couldn’t at least make an effort.

-Julian, I miss you. Can I see you tomorrow? X

His replies seemed to be getting slower. This time, it was over an hour before I’d got an answer.

-I’m busy tomorrow, sorry.

I didn’t even have to read the message, because that answer was getting pretty old. I mean come on, if you’re going to blatantly lie to your girlfriend, at least make an attempt to sound original and realistic.

“I think… I think we might be…” I was slowly choking my words out. Although my mind comprehended what was happening, it didn’t mean that it made it any easier to admit out loud. “….over”.

I was hoping for an enthusiastic answer. I guess I wanted someone to tell me that I was being silly, and it was all just in my head. I didn’t want it to be real. I loved Julian. Unfortunately, best friends never lie. “Elena, talk to him.” Reality sunk deep into my crushed soul, I wasn’t imagining anything.

My stomach festered with nerves as the tally of rings piled up in my head.

“Come on Julian, pick up.”

Usually, I overanalysed and planned everything. But right now, I had no plan and it scared me to death. The thought of losing Julian was overwhelming, and was beginning to consume my whole world. I needed it all to be over, and I guess nothing but the truth could relieve me.

“Hey, what’s up?” Frustration was evident in his tone.

He didn’t even want to talk to me! Team this up with the weeks I’d been suppressing all of these feelings, and man was that fuel to the fucking fire!

“What’s up? Seriously Julian? You’re asking me what’s up? You should be the one answering that! You’re never around anymore, and you seem to have the world’s most pathetic excuses. Busy? What the fuck does that even mean? What are you busy with? No! WHO are you busy with? Fuck you! I don’t even understand you anymore! You’re different. You’re so fucking secretive, and I give you no fucking reasons to be! What the fuck did I do to deserve this?”

He was silent, and I suspect utterly stunned by my sudden outburst.

“You know what. Tell me right now Julian! Tell me this secret that’s been playing on my mind for weeks! Or I swear to god, I’ll leave you for good.” My heart was racing, and my face was damp with tears. I wanted him to apologise for everything. I wanted all of this to merely be a misunderstanding. I wanted to go back to how we used to be.

“Elena, I love you, but I just can’t tell you yet. Trust me, in a few weeks, everything will make perfect sense–––“

My anger got the better of me, “Whatever Julian.”

That was by far my biggest mistake, one I couldn’t take back. Because as he said, I was yet to learn the truth, and everyone knows that the truth changes things.