Don't Try ♧ Frerard

too far gone

Gerard's emotionless body dragged itself across the busy hallway, heading in the direction of the math classroom.

It had been almost a week since Frank had officially cut their friendship, and weirdly, Gerard felt nothing.

He had been so emotionally drained after the first two days, that now he couldn't feel anything. Numb wasn't the right word, it was just... empty. Gerard felt empty.

He felt as if he was just there- he was breathing, and doing what he needed to survive, but he wasn't quite living.

At almost every given moment he tried to see how long he could hold his breath before his vision would get fuzzy and his head would spin. It was a dangerous game, but he didn't have much reason to care.

Never did he think the loss of Frank would cause this. They'd only been friends for a few months, yet he meant so much.

Gerard's mother hadn't stopped calling him a drama queen, his brother and Pete hadn't stopped attempting to talk to him. And Frank, well, Frank hadn't stopped ignoring him.

It wasn't exactly hard, since Gerard had stopped talking in class, and often skipped. The only thing he would do was write pretentious newspaper articles for Mr Carlson, and take the odd picture.

Bob had stopped talking to him, which he appreciated. Though, it wasn't just Bob that stopped talking to him, it almost seemed like everyone had started ignoring Gerard. Which wouldn't have made a difference, except it did.

People stopped laughing when he fell, they stopped pointing when he would wear his clothes wrong, they just stopped reacting.

Pete had said it was because they heard what him and Frank had said in the hall, and they felt bad, but Gerard couldn't care less. They could take their pity and fuck off.

The only thing that was more odd than what was happening around and within Gerard, was what he wore. He had stopped wearing his pastel clothes and headbands. Now he dressed in dark clothes and often black leather jackets.

It a drastic change, but again, he didn't think it really mattered.

He didn't think anyone noticed until one dismal Monday morning Lindsey commented on it. Gerard of course just simply shrugged her off and continued on with his day.

Today, however, was the day he was supposed to sing his song for music, and he was ecstatic.

Sure, nervous too, but more at peace with the fact that he would sing something and hopefully never hear about it ever again.

Gerard walked into the music classroom, his shoulders slouched forward in pure laziness. He took his usual seat, staring blankly at the vacant stage.

"Good luck." Gerard internally whimpered at the sound of Frank's disgustingly familiar voice.

The red head turned around, not having heard Frank's voice since they last fought. He practically looked straight through Frank as he mumbled, "Don't need it."

Gerard turned back around in his seat, feeling the overbearing numbness take over once again.

The boy zoned out all of what Mr Weekes was saying until he called out his name to come to the front.

Gerard carried himself absently to the stage, emotionlessly staring off into the crowd of students.

"Whenever you're ready." The boy nodded and passed Mr Weekes the recording for the background instruments, something he'd spent all weekend preparing with the help of Mikey and Pete.

He had double checked if digital instrumentals were allowed, and evidently they were.

The heavy guitaring filled the air as he took a deep breath.

"I got an offhand way
Of getting information
I got to walk away
Jet-lag is suffocation"

Gerard sang most of the song with minimal effort, even avoiding eye-contact with the audience.

"Call me zero, zero, zero
Call me zero, you are zero
Call me zero, zero, zero
Call me zero, you are zero."He finished, looking off when he heard clapping and whooping.

The looks on everyone's face almost made him smile. They were all wide eyed with surprise and amazement- like they were genuinely not expecting sad little Gerard to have put any effort into his song writing.

He took a seat, not bothering to look over at Frank, who he knew was sitting only a few desks to the right of him.

Class carried on, and the teacher promised that the people that hadn't gone this time, would perform in the next class period. The bell rang, and Gerard gathered up his things before leaving.

- -

Gerard stared at the fogged up tiles in the shower. He felt the practically scolding water hit his reddening skin, and he just couldn't bring himself to stop it- to stop his staring, or stop the high temperature of the shower water.

He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, to really care about any consequences his skin would conjure up.

Gerard's mind wandered off, it was all escalating so fast. First it was his emotions fucking off, and now it was his ability to care, to be human in any sense of the word.

He would have been scared, scared of what he was capable of doing, but he couldn't. He felt his eyes water, at the thought- or realistically, feeling.

Why couldn't he move?

Gerard could feel the salty tears roll down his face as he stood, frozen in place. The boiling water turning his skin almost as red as his hair.

The boy felt the remainder of himself crumble, his legs eventually giving out. He fell on his ass, crying harder.

What was happening to him?

- -

Gerard was ready to admit it. He was ready to admit that he was spiralling.

He had not brushed his hair in three days and sleep was running away at the mere thought of him.

"Gee, you don't look good..." Mikey said with concerned eyes, "I think you should stay home."

"Can't. I have to hand in my newspaper article." He mumbled as he stared off into the wall.

"But-"

"I'm fine, Mikes." Gerard attempted to smile, but he hadn't in over a week and a half so it proved to be difficult. "Let's just go."

Mikey looked skeptical but nodded, following his brother outside.

It wasn't long before they arrived at school, and Gerard could practically feel his brain shutting off in tiredness. He didn't think he could last in his state- nonetheless survive through math.