Just Breathe

t h r e e

Remus

I settled onto my bed, AffloVest on and vibrating away. Lily came to check on me halfway through an episode of Friends. Coughing up mucus into a trash bin was made bearable by my favorite show. Friends makes life in general more bearable. 

"Sirius is stopping by in a few minutes," Lily said, sitting next to me on the bed. 

I whirled around to face her, coughing violently. "What? Now?"

"He wants to see you. And I think he's really sweet."

"Yeah I think he's really sweet to, but I'd rather him not see me right--oh hi Sirius."

Sirius poked his head in the door, grinning widely.

"I'll leave you two alone," Lily said, winking at me before leaving. I reached over to pause the episode as Sirius sat at the foot of my bed. 

"So what's this fancy thing do?" He asked me. As if on cue, I was sent into a coughing fit, hacking up spit and mucus. I spit into the trash bin, making a face. I swallowed down some water and gave Sirius a weak smile.

"It does that."

Sirius winced. "Well isn't that fun."

"So fun."

Sirius was about to say something, but I started wheezing, coughing up an impressive amount of mucus. 

"So why are you here, Sirius?" I asked as soon as I was able to talk again. "I'm sure you have much better things to do than watch me attempt to dislodge all the mucus building up in my lungs."

"Well I was wondering if you'd want to go out...with me. Like for lunch at the coffee shop down the road. It's really good, authentic. They've usually got live music and the best coffee in the world. Or I think it is at least. And they've got loads of chocolate things too, though I've never tried--"

"Wait, like as a date?" I interrupted. 

He bit is lip. "Yes?"

I was pleasantly surprised that he would actually want to go with me. I smiled shyly. 

"Yeah. Yeah I would love to. I've got about a half hour left on this thing and then I've gotta change. But I would love that."

Sirius was beaming. "Mind if I keep you company?"

I shrugged and scooted over and he moved to sit beside me. "Whatcha watchin'?" He asked.

"Friends."

"Oh nice. I've only seen the first season."

"Amateur."

Sirius laughed and we sat watching Friends for the next half hour while I did my treatment.

After that was done, I turned to Sirius. "How are we getting there?"

"Well I could drive us on my motorbike--"

"Absolutely not."

"Huh? Is it hard on your lungs or something?"

"Well, I mean, probably, but I'm also terrified of riding a motorbike, so no thank you."

Sirius chuckled. "Well I guess we could steal James's car."

I nodded my agreement. "Alright. But you need to leave now while I panic with Lily. See you in an hour?"

Sirius laughed. "See you."

"LILY!" I called. "HELP ME."

"What?! What is it?" She said, flying up from the couch and running to meet me in the doorway of my room. 

"Sirius asked me on a date and I don't know what to doooo."

"Good god, Remus, you scared me. A date? Eek, I'm so happy for you! Okay, what should you wear?" She asked herself, pushing past me and back into my room. 

We picked out an outfit for me and I quickly went and showered. Once I was ready, we sat down at the table and had a discussion about what I was to do and say and how to act because oh I was freaking out.

After exactly an hour had passed, there was a knock on the door. I took as deep a breath as I could manage and stood, swinging my portable oxygen bag over my shoulder. I quickly assessed my outfit one more time, an olive green sweater with a white button up beneath it, light blue skinny jeans and my favorite red converse. 

I opened the door and there stood Sirius. He had his long black hair up in a bun, ripped black skinny jeans and a Deep Purple band t-shirt under his leather jacket. 

He grinned at me, and I could really truly see the admiration in his grey eyes. I blushed. 

"See you, Lily," I called through the open door. Lily waved. 

"Shall we?" He asked, offering his arm. I giggled and took it. Thank god the elevator was back in order. Somehow, James convinced the landlord to finally get it fixed. It was a five minute drive to the coffee shop, and when Sirius pulled into the parking space, I pulled my mask on. I don't need to wear it all the time, but it is Fall and I'd prefer to stay as healthy as possible. 

We walked into the coffee shop and instantly it was like stepping into another world. The atmosphere was warm and cozy, fairy lights and plants everywhere, along with an inspirational quote or two. 

I coughed. "I love it here already."

Sirius glanced over. "I was hoping you would."

Once we ordered, we found a nice quiet place to sit in the corner. Our food and coffee arrived soon after. While Sirius had ordered a black coffee and a sandwich, I had a large double chocolate frappe, a muffin, soup, and a sandwich.

Sirius eyed my pile of food with a grin. "Someone's hungry."

I shrugged. "Hey, I gotta eat a lot or else I'll be a skeleton and it's not even Halloween yet."

I dug out my pills from my bad, a whole handful of them, and swallowed them down. It reminded me of my condition and what I was getting myself into. My mood plummeted. Sirius sensed it immediately.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"What are we doing?" I asked him. 

He gave me a puzzled look. "What do you mean?"

"Us, this. I can't fall in love with you. That's not...it isn't fair. It's not fair to you to fall in love with me."

"Remus, what are you talking about?"

"I'm dying Sirius. My lung function is at 33%. Even if I don't get sick, I'm still dying. New lungs aren't going to change that. They'd buy me a few more years, that's it. And that's if I make it through the surgery. I'm hopeless, Sirius. I can't fall in love with you because it'll just end badly and that's not fair to you. Nothing can change the fact that we would be just another tragic love story."

Sirius sat in silence for a little while, letting it all sink in. Meanwhile, I couldn't bare to look at him. I was fighting back tears already, and I knew that if I looked at him, the tears would start to fall. 

"I don't care," Sirius finally spoke. "Maybe it will end poorly, but I don't care. I'm already too far gone, Remus. Maybe we could forget about the ending and live in the now? Live our lives the way we want to while we still can?"

I considered it, swallowing the lump in my throat. I looked up.

"Remus, would you like to live your life with me? For now at least? And see how it goes?"

For the first time in awhile, I felt this fluttery feeling in my heart. Hope. Oh screw it.

"Why-the-fuck-not?"