Just Breathe

s i x t e e n

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide⚠️

Remus

Valentine's Day fell on a Wednesday this year, so we still had to go to classes. Throughout the day, Sirius gave me many chocolate bars and greeted me with a quick kiss between every class.

After classes were over, we walked hand in hand back to Lily's car while James and Peter headed to the van. We both crawled into the backseat and the whole drive back to the apartments, I sat with my head on Sirius's shoulder, his arm around my waist.

When we arrived at Godric's Hollow, Sirius shooed me over to my apartment and told me that he had to quick get our Very Special Valentine's Day Dinner That Will Be Awesome set up.

I put on a less ratty sweater and attempted to comb my hair. I carted my oxygen behind me to the kitchen to grab the pills I would need for the night.

Lily was standing in the kitchen as well, adjusting her hair in the mirror on the wall. She had a pretty green dress on that matched her eyes.

"You look nice," she said with a smirk, eyeing my sweater and bow tie. I blushed.

"I'm going over to Sirius's," I said. "Where are you off to?"

"James is taking me out somewhere fancy," she said.

"Ah," I said.

Just then there was a knock on the door. I went to open it and there stood James and Sirius.

"M'lady," James said with a wide-eyed expression upon seeing Lily. "Shall we?"

Lily smiled and said, "We shall," taking his extended hand and walking out the door with him.

Sirius went for the more casual approach.

"Hey, cutie," he greeted with a wink.

I rolled my eyes, a blush crawling up to my cheeks. "So what is this 'Very Special Valentine's Day Dinner That Will Be Awesome'?" I asked.

Sirius looked impressed. "Surprised you remembered that whole thing," he said.

I shrugged. "Well," he said, "I thought a picnic would be a pretty swell idea, but we live in London and it's February, meaning cold. So I've set up a picnic in my living room."

Sirius had gotten shyer as he talked and I grinned at his adorable-ness.

I grabbed his hand and he brought it up to his lips to kiss it.

"Shall we?" He asked, mocking James.

"We shall," I answered in similar fashion, lugging my cart behind me. He led me across the hall to his apartment and opened the door for me in a great, sweeping gesture.

He'd really put in a lot of effort to this picnic. There were candles lit everywhere giving off pleasant aromas. There was a blanket laid out in the living room where the coffee table normally would be, a picnic basket and a glass of wine propped in a basket. He'd sprinkled little pink heart-shaped confetti on the blanket, and he had some soft music playing in the background.

"Sirius, this is brilliant, I love it."

He grinned shyly, digging the toe of his boots into the carpet.

We sat down on the blanket and he poured two glasses of wine and he brought out the fancy sandwiches Peter made for the occasion.

I took my wine in sips, since I wasn't much of a drinker. Peter also made some macaroons for the occasion, so we ate lots of those.

As the night wore on, there was lots of deep conversation, kissing, eating of chocolate, childish question games, and more kissing.

Later, around 11:00 pm, James got home from his date, grinning like an idiot, having just dropped Lily off at our apartment.

James walked through the living room to go to his room when Sirius's phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and his mood instantly plummeted. He even looked a bit scared. He let it ring the first time, but he looked even more anxious when she called a second time.

"James," he called. "It's my mum."

James sighed and backtracked, grabbing the phone from Sirius's hand. He pressed the call button and held it to his ear.

"Walburga? This is James. What do you want with Sirius?"

He listened for a minute, and his stature completely changed. It was like the good spirit of the day completely left his body. His shoulders slumped and the muscles in his face slacked. His tan skin paled a few shades as he listened to her talk.

"James, what is it?" I asked, but he ignored me. His eyes teared up a bit and his lip trembled. He held out the phone to Sirius.

"Sirius, you better talk with your mum."

Sirius took the phone from him with shaking hands. "Mother?" He asked. Again, she talked and again, his demeanor changed.

Sirius froze in place, straight faced and emotionless. He just stared ahead at a spot on the wall. And then the shaking started. It began in his hands and then his lip too, trembled. His hand slipped from his ear and the phone slipped from his hand, hitting the floor with a thud.

"Sirius?" I asked, taking a cautious step closer. That broke him out of his stupor, but he still didn't acknowledge me.

His eyes were readily filling with tears and he looked frantically around the room, searching for something.

His eyes landed on James, whose face crumpled with sadness. James held out his arms for Sirius, who fell into him, suddenly sobbing. James wrapped him up tight, hand on the back of his head, keeping him safe there in his arms.

"I'm here," James said. "I'm here, Sirius. Just breathe."

Anxiety climbed its way up my throat and sat there, making it hard to breathe. What was it? What happened to make both James and Sirius react this way?

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where I was welcome. It was obviously a very personally matter and James seemed to be doing an excellent job in keeping Sirius's pieces together for the time being. But I couldn't leave. Where did I fit?

James lowered himself and Sirius to their knees, still locked in a tight embrace. Sirius's sobs echoed through the space of their apartment, pain filled and heartbreaking to listen to. He was gasping and choking, hurting something terrible.

I shuffled over and lowered myself to the ground as well and laid a hand on Sirius's shoulder. He turned from James onto me, head buried in my chest, crying great wails and sobs of pain and grief.

James wiped his tears away, but they kept falling. He kept his arm around Sirius. I held Sirius in my arms, lips pressed to the top of his head. Even though I didn't know what had happened, it wasn't going to stop me from comforting him.

And I didn't find out what happened until the next day. Regulus Black died on February 14th. Walburga Black found him. It was a suicide.

No one slept that night. Or the next, for that matter.