Just Breathe

f o u r

Sirius

Classes started that Monday and already I had lots of homework. For starters, Professor Minnie was having me write a big long essay on the meaning of life. Sure, it wasn't due until finals, but it was already weighing on my mind.

After classes on Tuesday, Peter and I stayed after to watch James's lacrosse team practice. Once we got back to our apartment, Lily stopped by and we talked for awhile.

"Sirius, could I speak to you in private please?" She asked. James looked disappointed, but we went out onto the balcony.

"Where's Remus?" I asked.

Lily sighed. "He won't come out of his room. He's just having a bad day. He tends to contemplate life on Tuesdays."

I nodded, glancing at the busy streets of London. If you really looked, you could just see Big Ben on the horizon.

"So it occurred to me that the two of you went to school here last year. Why don't I remember ever seeing you?"

"Well, Remus had mostly online courses, still does. He only had his art class actually at the school. He had a really bad year last year."

"Bad how?" I asked.

"How do I say...there's a point in the life of a CF patient where they get sick and just can't get healthy again. Last year..." Lily starts to tear up.

"Last year I honest to god thought we were gonna lose him. I thought last year was that point. Maybe it still is. He just kept getting sick and nothing was working...he was in the hospital a lot...You know, his lungs are probably the worst off at this point, but CF effects all of his organs. He's really sick, Sirius. His lung function dropped 12% just in the last year."

I let that sink in.

"I'll go see if he'll talk to me."

I made my way out of the apartment, leaving Lily on the balcony. The door was unlocked and I stepped inside. I made my way to Remus's bedroom. The door was closed. I knocked twice.

"Go away, Lily," came his muffled voice from inside.

"It's Sirius." There was a pause, and then, "Come in."

I pushed open the door to find Remus sitting on his bed, his sketchbook laid out in front of him. It was a near perfect sketch of the moon. Remus's face was blotchy, his eyes red, and I could tell he'd been crying.

"Aw, hey. Come here," I said, sitting down on the bed and opening my arms. He crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in my chest. His shoulders shook. I kissed the top of his head and held him.

After awhile, he pulled away, wiping his eyes. "Thanks Sirius," he mumbled.

"What's bothering you?" I asked.

His eyes started tearing up a bit more and he looked down. "I'm gonna die if I don't get new lungs. I know I act like I don't care, but I do. I'm so scared. I've always known I was going to die young, but it was always in the future. I need new lungs, Sirius, but a transplant is about 500,000 euros($550,000)."

A pit was forming in my stomach as he spoke.

"I don't have that kind of money," he whispered, heartbroken.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "It'll be okay."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. But I believe it will be. Things have a way of working themselves out."

There was a few minutes of silence before Remus laughs.

"What?" I asked.

"Lily's probably spying on us."