Just Breathe

t h i r t y

Remus and Sirius got married that very summer. It wasn't some sort of grand ordeal. It was a small event, but that didn't make it any less special. They only extended invitations to the people who were really important to them, the people whose attendants would mean the very most to them.

James, Lily, and Peter were part of the wedding, of course. Neither Remus nor Sirius would have had it any other way. Sirius made sure that Mr. and Mrs. Potter were there, and he had a chair set aside in the front row just for Regulus.

Remus wanted the Evans to be there, even Petunia, if she would show. And show she did, but didn't stay for long. A few friends from school came as well, such as Alice, Frank, Dorcas, and Marlene. 

One decision Remus had been hung up on for a while leading up to the wedding was whether or not he should invite his parents. He knew he shouldn't. He shouldn't invite his parents back into his life. They'd just take the opportunity to walk all over him again. On the other hand, he craved the feeling of his parents coming to his wedding and supporting him and maybe even loving him. He knew it wasn't likely, but he could hope.

In the end, he sent the invitation. He had decided that they probably wouldn't come anyway, and that at least they'd know what was going on. Maybe on some off chance they would come. Some part of him didn't even want them to. The other did. 

On their wedding day, Sirius wasn't nervous. He knew he should be. He'd been nervous the day before and the day before that. But not today. This was, above all, the one thing he wanted in his life. He was beyond nervous. He knew that loving Remus was the meaning of his life.

On their wedding day, Remus felt better than he had in a very long time. Possibly longer than he could even remember. Possibly the best he'd ever felt. It was a magical day, one full of life and love and laughter. Everything that it should be. 

Remus's mom came. He didn't see her there until after, during the dance. But Hope Lupin, in her nicest dress, smiled at him and lifted her glass. Remus excused himself from Sirius with a kiss of farewell and weaved his way through the crowd to where his mother was standing. 

"You came," he said, breathless. Hope nodded, not quite looking at Remus, but beyond. The wedding took place in the elegantly decorated backyard of the Potters', and the two Lupins stood at the edge of it all, taking in the green of the grass, the glow of the stars, and the joy in the air. 

"If you're looking for your father, he's at home," Hope said. Her voice was devoid of the life it used to have, back when she was young. She looked tired, Remus noted. Like life had sucked her name sake right out of her. 

Remus was a little disappointed to hear that his dad wanted nothing to do with him, but not so much as he thought he would. He found that it didn't ache in the way he thought it might. 

The two stood in silence for a few minutes more, watching as James and Lily danced across the grass to the music, shaking their hair about and laughing, blissfully happy for this moment in time. 

"Why are you here?" Remus finally asked Hope Lupin. 

She offered him a smile, the corners of her mouth tweaking just a little, wrinkles pulling at her eyes as they twinkled. Remus found himself putting up his walls again. He was mentally preparing himself for whatever she was going to say. He hated that he had to do it, but it used to be a survival instinct, and those don't just go away so easily. 

"I didn't come here to earn back any of the trust you ever had in me. I know that's not possible. And frankly, it isn't fair."

Remus nodded, but he couldn't find anything to say.