Forever Changed

Chapter 6

The first five minutes of the ride home were quiet. I guess Kayla wanted me to get it together before she barges me with the questions, that I'm not too excited to answer. Not only that, I had a feeling or I know she'll be disappointed in me or even stop talking to me all together, but she is a Christian and that can't happen, right? 

It's starting to rain really hard. You can barely see twenty feet ahead, plus add to this disastrous night it's really dark out side which makes visibility really bad right now. But I'm not worried Kayla is a cautious driver. I'm looking out the window and watch the rain fall. It's actually very peaceful but as I start to get myself together, Kayla puts on the radio but really low. I hear the song "Blink" going on the radio. 

"So, do you want to talk about what happened back there?" She asked. 

"No." I said. 

I heard Kayla sigh. "You can't keep it to yourself forever. Everybody needs someone to talk to, someone to be there for them. You can't keep this inside of you, you need to let it out. I'm here. You can always-" 

"Shut up Kayla. I don't need a bible lesson right now. Right now I need you to tell me that everything will be okay, and I will actually try to convince myself that it will be okay." 

"I can't tell you that cause I don't know whats going on. What if it's serious and you need my help?" 

"Why do you have to know everything?" 

"I'm trying to help you." 

"Yeah? Well I don't need your help anymore" I said. 

"Please don't shut me out." 

"You shut me out these past several months. Have you not noticed that? It's was like I couldn't even talk to you at all without you being disappointed in me, or telling me that's wrong, or telling me some stupid bible lesson. Until today we were growing farther apart. But after this afternoon I felt like I could talk to you, now not anymore." 

"I didn't notice. I thought the opposite. Look I've been through so much. My past has been really horrible. I've had people to help me get through it and I'm here to help you." She said. 

"What did you do?" I asked. 

She drew a deep breath and said "I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I can tell this: what I did ruined my life and someone's life. I did so many idiotic things that it hurts to look back at my mistakes. I didn't just ruined someone's life but it cost their life as well. I felt so guilty at the sins I have committed and I wish I could take all of that back."  

She sighed and shook her head." My pastor told me that 'it's how you acted that will result in what you do'. It was one guilt after another. 

"I didn't know" I said  

"Nobody knew about my past. Your the first person that actually know this much about my past. I need you to tell me I can help you. You can't do this alone, even if you try." 

"Ok fine. Let me start with the bad to worse. Today Jessica and I got into a fight. Adrian and me broke up, but before the brake up we almost had sex. But before you get all mother on me we didn't do it. I didn't want to and Adrian wouldn't stop until I actually had to actually pushed him off if me, but I actually wanted to do it. My mind kicked in and I didn't do it." I said and waited for her to say something. 

"You actually wanted to have sex with him!"She yelled. 

"What can you expect I'm human!" I yelled back.  

"Yeah I know, but still. I don't want you to do it because you'll regret and then you'll blame yourself. God doesn't like pre-marriage sex and-" 

"Kayla! Stop with the bible lessons."