Forever Changed

Chapter 12

"All right guys we are going to start worshipping. So if you guys don't mind to stand up and let's begin." said a girl with dirty blond hair. She was on stage with the same people that were there on Wednesday. I stood up and so did Alex who was next to me. We were sitting in the back of the church. Everyone was clapping I did it too. They were singing an up-beat song that I had never heard of before but to be honest I actually liked it. The singing was ok. If they worked on it more they would be really good. They sang several more fast songs then they slowed down with the slower songs. People had there hands up in the air like they were reaching for something that they can't get enough of. I turned my head and saw Alex with his hands in the air. Which made me feel awkward standing next to him. But there was something to him. Like he didn't care if he looked like an idiot reaching for something that wasn't there. As the songs were going they got to this one song that made me think about the lyrics. 

"With everything, with everything  

We will shout for your glory. 

With everything, with everything 

We will shout forth your praise. 

Our hearts they cry, be glorified 

Be lifted high above all names. 

For you our king with everything  

We will shout forth your praise. 

With everything, with everything 

We will shout for your glory. 

With everything, with everything 

We will shout forth your praise. 

WHOA!!!!!"  

When they sang the last part everyone had not one but both hands in the air. The were shouting and singing and they didn't care if they were bad but that they were worshipping God. There were a few people that went up in front and kneeled in front of the stage. There were people crying and smiling. The song slowed down so that one of the singers the guy could say something. He had his eyes closed and hands up but he was smiling. "Give God everything. He has done everything for he gave up his life for you. So why can't we give him our hearts. Even in the bad times. The time where we don't want to continue to go on. The times when you don't feel like he's listing. The times when it's all coming apart give him everything. Everything happens for a reason. We don't know what the reason is but he does and that's all we need. So stop hurting, pushing, and blaming yourself. Give him all the burdens in your heart and he will give you relief. Give him yourself. He deserves it. Give him everything. All that we are we will shout for him. God with everything that we are we will shout for your glory!" as he said this tears started to from in my eyes. Is this what I need to do? Give him everything. He took Kayla. Why would I do this? I just don't get it. Would he really get this burden off of my shoulders? Take this blame I have on myself. I blame myself and God for what happen to Kayla. What can he do in my life that he couldn't do in Kayla's life? Why couldn't he keep her? All these questions were in my head. I didn't want to but I started crying. Alex probably saw me because he put his arms around me. I know what I have to do. 

"Come with me." I said to Alex. 

"Ok." he said. I got out and went to kneel in front if the stage but at a corner where nobody can see me. I wanted to do this in private with only Alex next to me. 

I kneeled and Alex did the same thing next to me. And I began praying out loud but low enough that only Alex can hear.  

"God I don't know how to say this but I'm going to say it. I hated you. I hated that you took her and not me. She had so much more to offer than me. I'm just a girl that doesn't care about anyone. She's worth so much more than I am. But now. Now I know that there is a reason why you did what you did. You kept me alive cause you have much more ahead of me. I don't know what that is but one thing is for sure I don't blame you anymore. I don't blame me either. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I can't do anything without you God. I realized that now." I opened my eyes and looked at Alex who was smiling. "What?" I said. 

"Do you want Jesus to come in your heart and be your personal savior?" he asked.  

"I don't know." I said. 

"Do you feel in your heart that you have to, that you want to give your everything to God?" he asked. Do I? I don't know. 

"I don't know. I came to ask for forgiveness but I don't know if I want more." I said. 

"All right." he said. We got up and walked back to our seats as the song ended. Once the song ended the singers and the musician got of the stage and sat down in the benches. Pastor Michael got up and went to the stage. He put his bible on the glass podium and started talking. "What a powerful song. All right let's start with a word of prayer. Dear heavenly Father, I ask that you speak through me to touch this message to someone's heart. Lord I ask that you bless everyone and keep them safe. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen! All right. God is watching over all of us. When nothing is turning out the way you want it to turn out is 'cause it's how God wants it to turn out. He will never put you in a situation in which you can't handle. He is concern over your protection, emotion, and well-being. He has something planned for each and everyone of you guys. When he saids that he will do it, he will do it. No half ways. Let God do what he needs to do in your life. And if you won't let God in your life because of what happened in the past just remember this: it's the past. Stop living in it. It's not going to get you anywhere. You need to keep on going and live in the present and look forward to the future. And I hope that the future has God. In Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 11 it says "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" You have to continue to live for him because he died for you. He has a plan for everyone. You don't really need to know what the plans are but what you need to know is that he is always with you." he said that and got off stage. When he got off stage one by one people went to kneel in front of the stage so almost everyone went to the stage. The worship people went to sing and play the instruments. I stayed behind.  

What plans does God have for me? Why couldn't he keep Kayla here with me with everyone. Everyone cares for her. She was in the road to become a great person.  

The service ended. Alex and I were about to leave to go outside but I just remembered something that I had to do. I went up to pastor Michael with Alex behind me. 

"Um pastor Michael?" I said. 

"Yes." he said. 

"I need to ask you a question." I said. 

"Ok. Tell me." he said. 

"Can I sing a song here? For the church?" I said actually nervous. 

"Of course! We encourage anyone to use their God given talent. And we are going to have a talent show. So you can sing there." he said all happy. 

"Sure. When is it going to be?" I said. 

"Well you don't have a lot of time. It's next Saturday." he said. 

"That's enough time for me." I said. "bye" I said and walked out of the church with Alex.  

"I wanna hear you sing." said Alex out of no where. 

"Uh. Sure but we'll have to go over there. I'm not comfortable." 

We walked around the church well away from everyone. I took a deep breath. And I started to sing. The song flowed through me and for the first time in the past few day. I sang a song that I heard in the radio. When I finished the song Alex stood there with shock, awe, and joy written all over his face. 

"So?" I asked. 

"You are amazing. You have a true gift. You can use that talent for the church." he said. 

"I know." I said. 

"What is it?" he asked. 

"Nothing it's just that Kayla was the one that helped me find my talent. And said that I can use it to sing for the church."  

"You should." 

"I know and I will." I said with determination to keep the promise that I made to Kayla.