Forever Changed

Chapter 10

I entered the funeral home it was big. It's like a church but at the same time it's not. There were already a lot of people here, but the thing that amazed me was that there were only people from church. There were about 40 teenagers, I guess Kayla did have a lot of friends. All of them went up to me and said their condolences.  

The funeral home was nice. It look very cozy. There were nice comfy seats, the colors on the wall was neutral colors nothing depressing, and there were flowers here and there. Overall it's a good setting. There was a big picture of Kayla by her coffin. She looked really pretty. She was in a position where her body was facing forward but her head was turned at an angle and her curly blonde hair fell over her shoulder. She was smiling. Which put a smile in my face then I looked at the coffin which made my smile fade away.  

I saw my parents next to the coffin and it looked like they were praying. I walked to my seat next to the podium. I just sat there and watched what everyone else was doing. There were people praying, people crying, people talking, and people that were deep in thought.  

"Hey, Sarah." said a voice. I looked up and see Alex standing there. He looked really cute. He was wearing black slacks, a dark navy blue button down shirt, and a black tie. His blue eyes had sadness in them but also happiness.  

"Hey, Alex." I said smiling. 

"Is your speech ready?" he asked.  

"I didn't even write one. I was starting to but I figure if I have something to say about Kayla it should come from my heart." I said. 

"As it should. How's your parent's doing?" he asked as her sat down next to me. 

I looked at my parents next to the coffin. My dad was holding my mom and she looked like she was crying. "They're trying to deal with it. Everyday my mom goes into Kayla's room at night crying. She thinks I don't know about it but I do. My dad has been trying to be strong but there are times I see him crying silent tears." 

I looked into his eyes and I see concern in them. He really does care about me which made tears form in my eyes. 

"I hate this. She and I we weren't the worlds greatest sisters but I did care about her. I fought on her almost everything and she has done nothing but helped me. I love her and I had never had the chance to tell her that." I said said as tears fell from my eyes and down my checks. Alex put his arm around me and held me. We stayed like that till the service started.  

First pastor Paul talked about how Kayla's life was like in church, how she grew up spiritually. He did a mini service on how even though a tragic accident happen we can't let this keep us from searching God. He also said that it happen for a reason which frankly I don't believe this, but whatever. Then we got to see pictures of Kayla on a projector. They were the ones I saw in the kitchen at my house and more. After that my mom went up to the podium and said her speech. "Kayla she was an amazing girl and daughter. At first things were rough but she started to go to church and gotten her act straight. One day she told me that she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior and on that day I knew she changed. I knew that she is going to be a great girl." my mom started to cry and her words were coming in sobs."She got very involve in the church and became a God girl. She loved the Lord with all of her heart, mind, and soul. Not only that but she loved everyone that she met. She let love in and that changed her. If she was here with us she would have probably said 'No matter what happens, the Lord is there.' Thank you."  

After my mom my dad went he said basically the same thing that my mom said. When my dad was done it was suppose to be my turn but I wasn't ready, so other people went. First went this girl from church. She had straight jet black hair that went just a little past her shoulder. She said "I have known Kayla since she started to go to church. She and I were the best friends. If you were trying to look for her she was almost always with me. So when she died it was like losing a family member for me. But I know she will always be with the Lord.". So Kayla does have a best friend. I have never know that. After her other people went saying how she was a good girl, nice girl, a wise girl, and how she loved to help other people. A couple more people went, now it was my turn. I got up form my seat went to the podium and took a deep breath. I cleared my throat and started talking from my heart. 

"Most of you guys have know Kayla for a long time or a short time, but I have known her all my life. She is my older sister and my best friend. We were really close for a long time, then she started to go to church and became a Christian, so I stopped talking to her. For a long time I thought that she was the one who stopped first but now I realized that it was me. Why did I stopped talking to her? I don't know maybe pride, but in that time she tried to help me. I was not that great of a person and she tried to help me." at this point tears were coming down but I kept on going. "I have been so bad to her and she has been nothing but nice. On the day that she died her and I we spend the day together, well most of the day, but it was one of the few times were I actually felt close to her. Like I can tell her anything. She helped me find the person who I really am not the person who I make everyone believe I am. I love her. It's a simple as that. You may have brothers or sisters and you may not appreciate them, but you know that saying where it says 'you don't know what you have till it's gone' well believe in that saying. I didn't know how lucky I was to have Kayla till she was g-gone." my words were now turning into sobs. "There was this saying Kayla would say and it's 'your life can change in a blink of an eye and you should appreciate what you have right now before it's too late and everything happens for a reason.' Does your life change in a blink of an eye? Kayla's dead isn't she? Did I appreciate her? No I didn't but I do regret it. Does everything happen for a reason? I don't know. But I do know that she is with God. And that she would want me to move on to live my life. I'm trying. I watched her die. I can heal but I won't ever be the same. And maybe that's a good thing. Kayla wanted me to change so much, she wanted me to live a better life, I just don't want to believe that it take this for me to get the message. I love you Kayla and even though your gone you won't be forgotten, not as long as I'm around" I left the podium and went outside. When I got outside I ran I didn't know where I was running to, all I knew is that I had to get out of there. After about 2 miles of running I started walking. It was getting dark and cold but I didn't care. I had to keep on going. After about an hour and thirty minutes of walking I reached the canal. The canal where she died. I went to the bank where I got out to look for help and sat down. I was just staring. 

Watching the waters move. A slight breeze in the air. The stars shining with the moon. And the sound of silence except for my breaking heart.