Want You Back

26.

I missed Luke.

The admission was a tough pill to swallow, but true all the same.

The stinging of the various cuts on my arm and forehead were dull compared to the pounding thrum of my headache. With every step, the intensity seemed to deepen, to a near blinding point, but the cool relief of water on my dry tongue was worth it when I finally was able to pour myself a glass.

Setting the empty glass in the sink, I braced my hands against the countertop, head hanging. I let my eyes slip shut and tried to drown out the intense pain.

Luke always used to take care of me, sweetly massaging my head and pressing endearing kisses to my temples in the meantime. But now I was alone, I had no one to kiss my headaches better anymore.

I plucked my phone off the counter from where Luke had set it and tapped on Audrey's icon, praying she would pick up despite the late hour. Sure enough, my agent picked up on the third ring, sounding way too animated for three in the morning.

"Kid! What's happenin' on your end of the shindig?"

"Audrey?" I whispered, "can you get in touch with Dr. McGill?"

Her amused tone dropped immediately. "Kid? What's up? Talk to me."

I sat down on the sofa in the living room, all the glass and strawberries long gone. Putting my head in my hands, I massaged my head with one hand roughly, desperately trying to ease the horrible ache in between my ears.

"I had an anxiety attack."

"And? What else happened, Jazz?"

I sighed and sat back, head falling against the back of the sofa. "I don't know what else to tell you, Audrey. I feel like I'm barely in control of my anxiety anymore. Like the pills aren't working when I take them and when I don't I feel like I am walking in a dream."

"Jasmine," my agent said rather sternly. "Of course you're gonna feel that way if you aren't consistent with your meds. But, of course, I can book an appointment with McGill if thats what's you feel you need."

"I want to stop taking my medication." I blurted out.

"What?"

"I want to stop taking them. So schedule the appointment so I can figure out the process to safely wean myself off of them. I'll see you tomorrow." I ended the call abruptly and put her contact on 'Do Not Disturb' and let my phone drop on the couch cushion, feeling like a heavy weight was sitting on my chest.

There was something wrong with me; I could feel it.

Luke Hemmings had finished jotting down the rough lyrics of his latest song idea when his phone began ringing, not an uncommon notion for him, especially when he was in different time zones.

"Hel-"

"Listen here you piece of shit." Luke nearly dropped his phone at the sound of Audrey, Jasmine's agent, on the other line. "What did you do to my girl, huh? Why can't you let her go and move on in peace? Why do you have to drag her down with you and your scumbag bandmembers you call friends?"

"Audrey I-"

"Not finished." She said in a commanding tone. "How dare you write those songs about her, all of them. How dare you, Luke Hemmings. Hasn't that poor girl been through enough? And now she's on this shit about wanting to drop her meds, when you and I both know that is not an option, got that?"

"Audrey? Can I speak now?" Luke asked, sounding tired.

"You may." She replied in a clipped tone.

Luke fumbled around in his head, trying to figure out where to begin. "First, I had no idea she wanted to stop taking her meds. How is that even my fault, to begin with? Second, I have a creative license and can write whatever the fuck I want to write about, but I will refrain from writing more about her. I know it bothers her, which is the only reason I will stop it. Not because you're telling me to."

"You little-" She started.

"Not done," Luke added.

"Audrey, Jasmine has a panic disorder and depression. Of course, she's gonna say things every so often, like about dropping her medication and stuff. She needs to see her doctor again."

"She was doing fine and dandy until you reappeared." Audrey hissed through the phone, voice practically dripping with poison.

Luke sighed and massaged his forehead tiredly. "I know that."

"If you do then stop meddling in her life for Zeus' sake! Stop bothering her and leave her the hell alone."

"Okay, Audrey, okay."

"And another thin- what? Just like that?"

Luke leaned back on the bed, sprawling out against the satin sheets. "Just like that."

"Well uh, good then. Perfect. We'll be in touch." Audrey said, regaining her poised tone.

"We'll be in touch," Luke reiterated tiredly, the line dying as the words left his lips.

Luke tossed his phone on the bedspread beside him, rubbing his face with his hands. How had his life come to this? How had everything gone to shit? And why the hell did he act the way he did towards Jasmine? Why was he such a prick?

The sound of his phone ringing tore Luke from his thoughts. He grabbed the device without checking the caller ID, answering with a simple 'yeah?'

"Luke, it's Audrey."

"Audrey? What do you want now?"

"Luke. Jasmine doesn't just have anxiety and depression. She's bipolar."

I've modeled Jasmine after many aspects of my own life, and my mental health worries and problems. I always strive for realism when depicting situations of mental health, and while Jasmine's journey with her mental health is merely a sideline to the main plot it does contribute to her and Luke's relationship and whether or not a rekindling of love is plausible.

I am aware bipolar disorder is no laughing matter and something to not take lightly. I am hoping I can make Jasmine's journey as realistic as possible and broaden my readers understanding of mental health awareness and help erase the stigma surrounding mental health forever.