Lucy was there in the coffee shop, wearing her favorite pink dress and a pair of delicate sandals. The shining sun played through her long hair and cast an ethereal glow over her face. Namjoon felt ill at ease for an unknown reason, but at the same time, he couldn't turn around and walk out the door. It felt as though he was being held there, rooted in place.
He stood there, staring and feeling the sun's warmth on his back. Then, in slow motion, Lucy turned to him. His heart began to beat too fast, and he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks.
"Namjoon?" Lucy's voice was quiet and soothing, but Namjoon thought there was a nearly warped quality to it. "Where have you been?" She was still smiling, waiting for Namjoon to speak.
"I ran late. I'm sorry," he replied, his voice tighter than he'd expected it to be.
"It's okay. I got your coffee for you," Lucy said, brandishing a coffee cup out to him. Namjoon took the cup and thanked her.
Soon, the pair were sitting down. Lucy had launched into a quick and uninterruptible speel about her day. Namjoon had started out listening intently, but soon, the uneasy feeling was suffocating him.
There was something terribly wrong about this. All of a sudden, he realized what.
"You left," He choked out. "You left me, Lucy." Namjoon's words surprised him, but his body remained calm and relaxed. He leaned back in his chair and cooly studied the young woman in front of him. He felt so much braver here on this day than he ever had.
Lucy frowned. "I couldn't stand to stay with you," she countered.
After she finished speaking, things felt even more warped and in another moment, Namjoon wasn't even in the coffee shop anymore.
Now he was in his bed, early morning light shining through the curtains, and Lucy was laying beside him. Her hair splayed out on the pillowcases and she lay still sleeping.
Namjoon felt confused by what he'd just left. These two instances were so contradictory, yet here they were.
As Namjoon lay thinking this, Lucy woke up. Her eyes opened gradually and she smiled at him.
"I love you, Lucy," Namjoon blurted out yet again. He couldn't seem to keep his thoughts in his head. He cursed himself inwardly, but he stayed cool and calm on the outside. Lucy smiled still and stayed quiet for a few more moments. Namjoon waited with bated breath.
"I don't feel the same, Namjoon," she spoke clearly and unmistakably. "I'm sorry."
With her words, Namjoon felt his heart crash down. His breathing stopped and he felt like he was fading away. The corners of his vision grew darker and darker, and the sight of Lucy began to grow farther and farther away.
Then, with a start, he opened his eyes.
He wasn't in the coffee shop or with Lucy in the early morning light of his bedroom. He was in his bed, but it was dark outside, and he was alone.
It had all been a dream, an awful dream.
At the same time though, it was real.
Lucy didn't love him, if she did, she wouldn't have left like this.
He felt a heart-wrenching pain and he sat up in bed. His head ached and his throat was dry. He ran his fingers through his hair, blinking hot and salty tears away.
This hurt more than anything else he'd ever experienced. It was a different pain.
It was a dry and heavy pain that he couldn't wrap his mind around. There was no rhyme or reason for it, logically, he should just move on. There was no comfort in the pain, no ray of light, just darkness.
There was no dispelling her from his mind, not in waking, not in sleep. She was always going to haunt him.
Frustrated by his tears, Namjoon got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom down the hall. The harsh vanity light put his pale and tired face into full view as he stooped over the sink, splashing cold water over his irritated skin. The salt tears mingled and dissolved in the water, and after a moment, Namjoon stood up, feeling more composed.
Already, the images of the dreams were blurring together and becoming indecipherable. He couldn't remember what she'd looked like or where they'd been.
Her words though remained clear. The ache in his chest remained sharp.
Namjoon grabbed his hoodie and went towards the front door. After slipping on his shoes, he walked through the front door and into his apartment's hallway. His feet moved as quickly as his thoughts, and soon he was walking around the block aimlessly.
The sun was just rising and the sky was full of smog. The chilly air felt sharp in Namjoon's lungs. He glanced as the people walked by him, some smiling and others frowning. Some seemed preoccupied and some seemed to be perfectly happy.
There were so many faces in the crowd, but Namjoon could still feel his heart-tugging at his mind, giving him the desire to see only one face in every crowd.
Even after all of these weeks and lonely nights, he only wanted to see Lucy.
He never saw her though, not in the streets near his house. He couldn't go back to the coffee shop, to their coffee shop. He couldn't go near her agency again, or the apartment she'd used to share with her group.
Namjoon kept wandering, going block after block away from his apartment.
A/N:
It's been a while I know babes, and I'm so sorry.
Life really hit me with a train a mile long. It hasn't all been bad, but a lot of it has sucked to be quite honest!
I have two weeks left in my term, and so I can't make any promises about updates quite yet, or maybe ever again lol
However, I hope to get this story rolling a bit faster soon! In the meantime, thank you for all of the support! I love how encouraging you all are and I don't deserve you!
Please eat well and take care of yourselves! 💜
*Novi*
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Insomniac//KNJ
Fanfiction"Can you stay please, just until I fall asleep?" "Of course I will Namjoon." A Kim Namjoon Fanfiction Disclaimer: Discussion of loss, depression, and unhealthy relationships.
