Namjoon woke up in an unfamiliar room, for the second, or maybe it was the third time. He didn't remember the girl's name who was asleep next to him. He sighed and looked over at the clock on the unfamiliar bedside table.
It was just past four in the morning, but Namjoon knew he wouldn't be able to fall back into a peaceful sleep, not after what he'd just done to this perfect stranger.
He frowned as he got out of the bed as quietly as possible. The room was dark, but he found his possessions as quickly as he possibly could, and made himself ready to leave. The guilt gnawing away at his conscious made him take one more look at the girl sleeping peacefully in her bed before he made his way out of her room and her apartment.
The air was cold outside, and Namjoon could see the puffs of his breath flying into the air.
He pulled out his phone and used the maps to help him find his way back to an area he knew.
He'd done this before.
******
That night, when he'd gone out wandering, he'd found himself at another club Jimin had once shown him to. He'd spent the night drinking and once he was relaxed, he'd spent the night hitting on strange girls.
Then, he'd gone home with one, whose name had melted away in his alcohol dazed brain. He'd spent the night with her and left just as he'd just left the other girl, without an explanation.
He hadn't given Taehyung an explanation for his absence either, mostly because Taehyung had taken many of his things to Jimin and Hoseok's apartment. Their own had felt strangely empty and dull with his friend gone, and Namjoon didn't much want to go back there alone.
He'd tried to talk to Taehyung, but his younger friend was fed up. Namjoon knew better than to try and drag him into his problems again. Taehyung would come back eventually, but until then, Namjoon would just have to get used to the quiet.
He got to his apartment and unlocked the door. The cold, dark, uninviting room didn't beckon him to come inside, but he stepped through the doorway regardless. He hated how empty it felt, how quiet it was without his friends, without Lucy.
He didn't have anywhere else to go though.
Namjoon sighed and flicked on the lights, making his way to the refrigerator. There was barely any food in it because Taehyung had been spending most of his time at other friends' apartments, and Namjoon hadn't been bothered to go out and grocery shop.
After a few minutes of searching, he found a pack of instant ramen in the back of a cabinet and started the kettle to boil.
His footsteps sounded heavy and lonely on the floor. He walked down the hallway to his room so that he could change.
Taehyung's door was shut and Namjoon set his jaw as he walked past it.
His room was dark and lonely too, and so he tried to be quick. He changed into a pair of sweats and threw his dirty clothes onto the pile by his bed. He turned to leave the room, but a small note on his bedside table caught his attention.
Namjoon crossed the room and picked up the piece of folded notebook paper, recognizing that it was Taehyung's handwriting. Namjoon's name was carefully lettered across the front of the folded paper, and once Namjoon had unfolded it, he found the paper nearly filled with writing.
Hyung,
I don't know when you're coming back, but I won't be here. I'm going to stay with Jimin and Hoseok until things between us cool off. I don't like fighting with you, but I can't watch you be so reckless and careless. The Namjoon I know would never treat his friends or strange girls so flippantly. He wouldn't go on drinking binges to drown his pain, and he wouldn't take his anger out on his friends. What happened to you wasn't fair, and I'll want to be there to support you, but I can't help if you push me away.
I will be back in a week or so, please take care of yourself while I'm gone. Take a shower, go grocery shopping, visit the library. Do the things that keep your world turning. None of your friends want to live in a world where yours has stopped.
- Taehyung
Namjoon felt his throat tighten as he read his friend's words. He knew that he'd been hurting Taehyung, he knew that he'd been upsetting his other friends as well.
It was here though, in the empty and lonely apartment, with Taehyung gone and his words hanging heavily in Namjoon's mind, that he made a resolution.
His world had to keep turning, even without Lucy.
He had to keep moving, even if it was at a monotonous pace. Even if it felt hollow.
He had to move on and stop looking for a replacement.
With shaky hands, he folded the note again and set it back down. All of the things he needed to do flooded into his mind.
He needed to grocery shop, to shower, to clean his laundry, to clean the apartment.
All of these things he'd forgotten to do in the time after losing Lucy. It had slipped his mind that the world never stops turning when we lose someone, even if we want it to.
The whistling of the overboiling kettle pulled him out of his thoughts and he ran to the kitchen to turn the stove off.
Namjoon put the instant noodles back into the pantry and grabbed his wallet and coat.
His first order of business was to eat something better than overboiled noodles.
******
Taehyung bit his lip nervously as he walked up to his apartment's door. It had been almost two weeks since he'd been home or even seen his roommate for that matter. He'd spent the last week with Jimin and Hoseok, working on his schoolwork. Finals had come and just passed, in a few days he'd be going home to visit his family, but first, he wanted to see his friend.
He needed to know Namjoon was okay.
Taehyung was surprised to find the apartment clean and well lit when he walked in. He had been sure things would be dark and dingy. However, the whole place was clean and neat, smelling of fresh cotton like the aerosol sprays they sold in stores.
Taehyung came inside, and nearly immediately, Namjoon came rushing out into the living room, bringing the young men face to face.
"You're back," Namjoon spoke quietly and he shifted his weight back and forth.
"Yeah, hyung, I'm back." Taehyung rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "The apartment looks nice, and you look better than you did," Taehyung spoke honestly, Namjoon didn't look as stressed or thin, even if he did still look tired.
"I took your advice, the world has to keep turning." Taehyung nodded in response and looked a the floor, slightly embarrassed that things were so awkward. Namjoon did the same, but he was surprised when his younger friend wrapped him into a tight bear hug.
Namjoon returned the hug, and for a moment the two friends stayed quiet. When they pulled out of their hug, Taehyung smiled his familiar boxy smile.
"I'm going to make us something to eat, that is, if you didn't burn down the kitchen and break all of the knives." Namjoon grinned and forgot about Lucy for a time.
Even if it was only for a little bit, it made his world turn easier.
A/N:
Hey babies! I'm back!
I'm on winter break and I'm going to try my best to give you a lot of content and prepare my writing for the next semester so I can give it more time.
I have missed writing so so so so much.
I hope you're having a good season and please remember to eat well!
*Novi*
YOU ARE READING
Insomniac//KNJ
Fanfic"Can you stay please, just until I fall asleep?" "Of course I will Namjoon." A Kim Namjoon Fanfiction Disclaimer: Discussion of loss, depression, and unhealthy relationships.
