Dear diary,
Today I'm going to start at a new school! I don't want to go, but dad is forcing me to, so I have to go, or he'll do stuff to me. I wish mum were here, she would give me some cookies to cheer me up!
Dear diary,
I made a new friend today. His name's binnie, binnie hyung! Hyung looked scary at first, but he stood up for me in front of bullies, so of course I had to befriend him! He's so cute when we hangout together!!
Dear diary,
I did it. I finally got away from him. I can finally live my own life. I'm at Changbin hyung's house right now. I hope he'll always stay by my side. He's been talking about this boy a lot. I think he's australian. Hyung wants me to be friends with him because I'm good at english. I want binnie hyung to be happy, but...I think I like him.
Dear diary,
I kissed hyung today. It felt so good, yet so wrong at the same time. He told me he loved me, but..he was drunk.
Dear diary,
Binnie hyung and the boy are dating now. It hurts, seeing them being clingy together. I think he's called..Felix? Not gonna lie, he's hot, and super nice. I'll stay loyal to binnie though. Oh and by the way, me, binnie, and this guy called Chan are going to be debuting in a trio called 3RACHA soon!
Dear diary,
Chan announced we're going to be in another group that he's gonna personally choose. Felix is in there. I didn't know he was in JYP.
Dear diary,
Changbin pays less and less attention to me as the days pass by. Minho hyung just got eliminated. I'm obviously upset. He was the closest friend I had in Stray Kids, Changbin was never there for me. I noticed something, though. I hear Felix crying in his sleep often. He kept saying: James, James. What happened?
Dear diary,
Felix got eliminated today. Changbin was devastated. I am, too. I grew fond of him over time. I don't like binnie anymore, he's such an asshole these days.
Dear diary,
JYP gave Felix and Minho a second chance! I'm so happy, Stray Kids will debut as nine!
Dear diary,
The member keep teasing me. I don't think I should be too sensitive, but it's kind of getting to me. Especially because they always ignore me. They keep saying they don't want to be roommates with me. I don't know if they were joking, or if they really meant it. I love the members, I really do.
Dear diary,
It's getting worse. They insult me so much, it actually hurts. I don't know why they do this, I don't have a single close member in the group. I hate myself. It must embarrassing to be seen with me.
Dear diary,
I'm trying, I'm trying so hard. But my vocals are never gonna be as good as Woojin's, my dancing is never going to be as good as Hyunjin's, my songs are never going to be as good as Chan's, my rapping is never going to be as good as Changbin, I'll never be as funny as Felix and Seungmin, or as cute as Jeongin, or as good looking as Minho. I'm never good enough. Why do I even bother trying.
Dear diary,
I cut myself today. It actually felt..good. I have to continue. The sense of euphoria is overwhelming. Call me crazy,, but I'll never stop.
Dear diary,
I tried to kill myself today. It didn't work. I just have this big, fat, ugly scar on my upper arm now. Yeah, I was too scared to slit my wrists.
Dear diary,
I think I like Felix. I can't. He's too perfect for me. Even the voices say so. I should just gather up enough courage to end it all. I just need some more time.
Ooof we have Jisung's past exposed now haha
Written on: 20/9/19
Word count: 647
YOU ARE READING
Pain || jilix
Fanfiction[COMPLETE] Han Jisung is just a 19 year old boy who was traumatized when he was 12. Lee Felix is just a 19 year old boy who saw something no one should ever see when they are 10. Yes, they do end up dating... but what if they're already too far gone...
