Pain || jilix

12

When Jeongin got back to his room, the first thing he saw was Jisung, just sitting on his bed, staring blankly at the wall. 

"Hyung..are you okay?" He asked, full of concern. Jisung just slightly nodded his head, not uttering a word. Jeongin went up to his bed, hugging him tightly. He didn't expect Jisung to immediately flinch away, eyes wide in fear. The maknae was obviously hurt from his actions, I mean, he would always comfort the hyungs when they were in pain, why did Jisung have to reject him like that?

Jeongin mumbled a small "sorry", before walking out of the room, shoulders slumped and head lowered in dejection.

That was when Jisung knew....

He fucked up.

-

"I think there's something wrong with Sungie hyung," Jeongin mumbled to Felix during dinner. The aussie's ears immediately perked up. He was worried for the squirrel. Was everything okay? He didn't come down for dinner too...

"Please excuse me," He told the rest of the members before quickly making his way up the stairs and into Jisung's room. "Ji?" He asked, peeking into the dimly-lit room. Felix could make out slight sniffles coming from the elder's side of the room. Sighing, he went over and back hugged him. Jisung almost immediately flinched and looked at him wide eyed. "Shh, it's just me, Sungie.." Felix said softly, before wrapping his arms around Jisung once more. This time, the latter melted into his embrace, his sobs slowly stopping. 

"Who did this to you?" The younger growled softly, while caressing the other's fingers. He knew something very wrong had happened. Jisung was always so cuddly, so happy. This was the Jisung he had wanted to get rid of. The depressed Jisung. He had helped him get better, so who had made him turn into his original self again?

"It's nothing..." Jisung replied, but he couldn't stop a couple of lone tears from sliding down his plump cheeks. Felix turned his head around to face him, before making their lips touch. It was just a small peck at first, but the kiss grew deeper and it turned into a full makeout session. Felix held the smaller boy's waist, pulling him closer. Jisung put his hands around the other's neck, trying to close any gap that was left between them.

When they finally parted, they were both panting for breath. Felix just had love in his eyes as he stared at Jisung. It made the elder feel...secure. Not like how the other three had treated him. They had used his body, while Felix was always gentle when he touched him. Maybe it was because the weight of his stress was too heavy, whatever it was, Jisung decided to spill everything. What had been on his mind for the past few weeks, everything that was bottled up inside. And he even told Felix about earlier.

When he was done, the younger was on the verge of tears. He hugged Jisung tightly again, repeatedly saying, "I'm so sorry, I should have known.." into his neck. Jisung rubbed circles into his back to help comfort the sobbing boy. Then, he completely broke down. He showed Jisung his true self. The new information shocked the shorter.

-

"JYP should never have taken you back."

"You don't deserve to be with the rest of the members."

"You're just bringing everyone down."

Those were just some of the comments Felix always saw. When Chan made him do VLIVEs together with him, the comment section would always have a couple of hate comments. It was fine for a while, but soon all the words kept repeating themselves in Felix's mind. During some fansign events, fans would just straight up insult him. He would just laugh it off, as most of the time they were joking. But what if they weren't? What if they thought he was never serious, that he was just the joker? Was he really like that? He didn't know, and that was what made him the saddest.

Over time, all the comments kept piling up in his head.  Those led to the voices speaking in his mind. He tried not to care, but he couldn't take it all anymore. He wanted to give up, even if Jisung was by his side.

He sliced cuts so deep they left huge scars on his tortured body. He would beat himself up, leaving dark blue bruises everywhere.

Felix was numb to the pain. He couldn't feel anything anymore. There was just an empty hole in his heart.

-

"I'm sorry, Ji, I really am.."

Felix sobbed into Jisung's shoulder. He was always the strong one in their relationship, always the one who would comfort the other, but now the wall he had put around him for so long had come crumbling down, he couldn't take the stress any longer.

Jisung stroked the other's hair lovingly, like how he would always try to soothe him when he was upset. They were both living in complete hell, here was no one to save them anymore.

They were dying in their misery.

Guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated in awhile, the Sulli news messed me up a bit AND I had a writer's block haha. 

Written on: 19/10/19

Word count: 868