Pain || jilix

10

"Worthless"

"Pathetic"

"Such a waste of space"

"You could have saved him..."

"...But you didn't."

-

The memories haunted him, taunting him. People always said it wasn't his fault but...

...the guilt was too overwhelming.

What if he had been just a bit earlier? What if he had noticed the symptoms earlier? Just a bit earlier?

The thoughts had stopped a while ago. He had been happy. For 4 years, he had been a normal kid.

Then he was chosen.

The stress, the torture. When JYP eliminated him, he thought all hope was lost. That his hard work was all to waste.

But he got put back in, given a second chance, didn't he? He was even the most popular member in Stray Kids, all the members loved him as well.

So what was wrong?

Fame came at a cost. A huge cost.  Sometimes, even the top isn't as great as it seems.

Having a huge fanbase means that he would have multiple antis. The most amount of antis, in fact.

He helped Jisung. For all he knew, Jisung was better now. His depression conpletely cured.

He was even dating him now. They were supposed to be lifelong partners, being with each other forever.

They promised to do that.

But Felix didn't know if he could keep that promise. He didn't know if he could even live long enough to see his next birthday.

As Stray Kids' fame grew, their fanbase grew. And though he never wanted to admit it, Stays were a bit...toxic, sometimes.

He was supposes to be the 'memey boy'. The sunshine. The fortnite lover.

The optimistic one. The person who always helped the members get through their darkest days.

But he couldn't be that light at the end of the tunnel forever. He just couldn't.

The voices were slowly coming back. The weight of people's expectations were gradually crushing him.

He would never be good enough, would he?

Jisung's beautiful smile, his shining eyes, those were the only things that kept him alive.

But would he be on this world for long?

-

Jisung.

That was the only thing he could think about.

The boy was taken, for heaven's sake. But he couldn't stop thinking about the boy's soothing voice, his soft touch, his adorable personality.

He couldn't stop thinking about the times they still dated.

Their late night cuddles, their spontaneous lives.

He wished they could be together again. He regretted leaving him.

Changbin regretted everything.

-

He had always admired Jisung from afar. The boy had an unusual personality that made him intriguing.

He knew he shouldn't like Jisung at all. He already had Felix, they loved each other too much to break them apart. But a guy could always dream, right?

Jisung was the only thing he wanted. Jisung was the only one he needed. He was the only one who could make him feel this way. In his whole life, he had never felt this unfamiliar feeling.

Love.

He could feel it now, throughout his body.

And what Minho wants, Minho gets.

-

He was guilty. Guilty of everything. For hurting Jisung during their predebut days. For spitting out words that made him insecure.

And for not standing up for him.

He wanted to make it up to Jisung, to make him the happiest person in the whole world.

He could give him cheesecakes, money, love, freedom.

He could give Jisung anything he wanted.

But before he could say anything, Felix just had to appear in the picture. He just had to ruin everything, didn't he?

How was he supposed to get Jisung now?

The boy was so unique, it made him want to do anything for him.

Hyunjin would do anything to get him.

-

Three boys were seated in the living room, plotting something. There was no one else in the dorms, except for another squirrel-like boy.

They were huddled together, discussing an important matter. Plotting for revenge.

They wanted to claim someone. And since they all wanted the same thing, they decided to help each other.

Han Jisung was going down.

Written on: 14/10/19

Word count: 688