Laine Hardy imagines and preferences

Every part of me. (Song preference)

" I feel like I'm a million miles away from myself more and more these days. I have been down so many open roads but they never lead me home."

--- Your POV---

Laine has been gone for a few months now with idol. Not saying I'm not happy for him because I am. I'm thrilled actually because I know its his dream to win, and I want nothing more that him to be happy, but at the same time what about us? He just up and decided to go without any warning. He told me he was going to Hollywood as he was loading his truck about to drive away for how ever long.

I havent been myself since he decided to leave and we havent really said much to each other, a 2 minute phone call here and there, maybe a few texts. Part of me wants to end it because it feels like I'm the only one in the relationship; but the other part of me wants to fight for what we have built over the last 4 years. I just dont know how much longer I can handle it. I feel like im millions of miles away from myself. I have taken every action I can think to try and work things out with him but I just dont know how. He's my home. My safe place and yet here I am. I dont know myself.

' Maybe I will never be who I was before maybe I don't know her anymore'

I forced out of my mind to my phone ringing.

' FaceTime call with : Laine'

I hit accept. His handsome face popped up on my screen almost immeditly. He looks so tired.

" Hi" I said emotionless. I'm unhappy. We are unhappy but both of us cowards and don't want to point it out.

"Hi" He responded with a slight smile.

"You okay?" He asked

I shook my head "No not really" He looked down and sighed. He already knows.

"Y/N you know how much I want this." He said looking back at me.

"I know Laine, but you dont know how much I want us. I miss you all the time. You are the one that just up and left. Told me you was leaving to go half way across the country the moment you was packing up the car. I'm sorry Laine I'm just not happy." Im usually not this direct about how I feel but I cant keep holding it in and hurting myself. He needed to know how much he hurt me. How much he changed me.

He looked shocked at my outburst.

"Who are you? You are not the girl I know. She would support me. She would tell me everything will be okay." He asked clearly pissed.

I just shrugged "I don't know Laine. Maybe I will never be who I was before you left. Maybe... Maybe I dont know her anymore." I asked realizing that I have been so worried about making us work I lost myself. He looked broken when the words left my mouth.

' Maybe who I am today aint too far from yesterday'

"You know laine I have felt like this for a while and I have done nothing but hold it in because you are happy. I just cant anymore because I am hurting myself by saving you. Im really not any diffrent from the person you talked yesterday. my feelings have been the same since you left." I stated simply.

Im suprised at myself for actually talking about my feelings.

'So ill try to sort things out and get my feet back on the ground.'

" So then what are you trying to say?" He asked quietly. We both know what I'm going to say.

"I need time. we need to take break so I can try and sort things out. get my feet back on the ground. Find myself. I want to be Every part of me again even if that means leaving you behind. Im sorry Laine." I can feel myself about to cry.. But I didnt him to see me cry.

"I have to go... Goodbye Laine" I hung up right after.

the look on his face was engraved into my brain. The look of brokenness.

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So I'm thinking about doing a lot of song preferences for a while. They are easier a quicker to write so I can keep up with updates. 

Word Count:747

-Shy