ISSUES || Taegi

Chapter 40

*Long ass chapter ahead. Includes mentions of mental illness, suicide, and self-harm*

... POV

Taehyung started at his screen in disbelief for a few seconds, was Yoongi actually texting him? After all this time? He wanted to for once prioritize himself and end that stupid cycle, Yoongi always did him dirty, disappearing for a while, being an asshole and then coming back expecting Tae would just accept it... He was tired of it, he wanted to just let it go for once and for all, but he couldn't. Yoongi only sent voice messages when something serious was going on, even if he had never told Tae anything in detail, the latter knew a voice message, especially that long meant something was quite wrong. He wanted to just ignore it, give Yoongi a piece of his own medicine, after all, he had been suffering alone this whole time, hadn't he? But... His love for the elder was way too big to ignore, he knew he was just bound to keep on hurting himself, but perhaps when people say that love is blind, deaf and dumb, they are totally right.

"Tae... I'm sorry, okay? I know I have absolutely no business coming here and sending you this message after this whole time, I know I'm a piece of shit and believe me, I would not have the courage to be doing this if it wasn't because... Because I have no one else right now"- Taehyung could hear the shakiness in Yoongi's voice, he was very clearly about to cry- "Look, all of this has a very good explanation, well, maybe it's not a good one, but I didn't just drift away without a reason... I let myself get taken away by my own insecurities, my own fears, my own bullshit, there's a lot to unpack on that but maybe I can explain myself later if you let me, even though I completely understand if you just want to ignore this, I've seen you around, and I know you are not okay, perhaps with this I'm just fucking you up more"- Tae heard the crack on Yoongi's voice at that last part, he felt his heart sink even if what his friend was saying was completely right- "I don't know why I'm rambling so much anyway, maybe it's because I don't even know how to get to what I need to say... Fuck it I'll just say it even if it's shameless, basically, everything that has happened until now has led me to this point, call it karma, bad decisions, not being in the right mind, whatever, but now I pay the price Tae... I just found out Jimin has been cheating on me"- Tae's eyes opened widely, Jimin? Sweet Jimin who everyone loves? Top of the class and with a clean record? I mean, he knew their relationship was a bit toxic from a while back, every time they fought Yoongi told him, and he could notice how Jimin was controlling none the less, but also harsh and cold, never accepting to being wrong, and how Yoongi was way too insecure and paranoid, way too dependent... Still, he never expected Jimin to do something like that- "He's been sleeping with Yeonseok for like two months now... I found out because I saw it with my own eyes today, went to visit him unexpectedly and boom, there they were, he had to tell me everything... Now I'm home, and I just have never felt the need to die more"- The voice message ended there, by the end of it Yoongi was crying, his sobs were not very loud yet you could hear the pain in each one of them.

A tear escaped Taehyung's eye, he was angry, awfully angry, he didn't even care that Yoongi had ignored him for a month, he didn't even care that he was perhaps going to hurt himself even more, he only knew one thing, and that was that he needed to do something and do it quick. It was very unlike him to take random decisions, particularly if they were very intense outbursts, well unless you count his bad habit with dating apps, but for everything else he was slightly more measured... All that went out the window at that moment, he simply took his keys, wrote a message to his mom saying he was going out for a bit, and bolted out of the house to his closest bus stop. He just hoped Yoongi would hang in there a bit longer.

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Taehyung cursed to his insides, Yoongi's house wasn't exactly close to his, and the traffic of a typical Saturday wasn't on his favor at all. About 40 minutes later they started entering Yoongi's neighborhood, Tae did his best to ignore the motel and the alleyway, to suppress the huge need to vomit he started to feel, and soon enough he reached his stop. He practically bolted the two streets that he had to walk to get to his Hyung's house, to be fair, he had never actually been to his house, but while going somewhere else with the whole group they had passed in front of it once, and Yoongi pointed out that was his house... Tae remembered it by heart even if it had been a while.