ISSUES || Taegi

Chapter 46

Yoongi POV

I told Taehyung I loved him, we made love in some way or another, he told me he loved me, and I did the same. I didn't expect him to be ready that soon, I wanted it of course, but I was kind of scared, I knew it was too much for him... But it surprisingly went well, maybe too well. The thing is, I had had sex with Jimin before, a good amount of times, and my first time was with him and it was special and all, but there was something different about this time, I can't figure it out, but it felt different, somehow it was almost like forgetting it was sex, it was still just as pleasurable if not more, but it had an otherworldly feel to it. I'm a rational person and all of this made no fucking sense to me, but in the most hippie way possible, it felt like intertwining souls.

That's why I said I loved him back, apart from the fact that when he said it, it kind of hit me like a truck, because even if I'm confused I figured, why did I feel that way if this is not something close to love? He looked at me with such admiration, with such love in his eyes, the sincerest words I've ever heard, I didn't know if I was in love with him, I wanted to be, but I knew I wasn't yet.

Did I lie? Not entirely, I was aware I was the one moving things forward too fast, and I knew deep down Jimin still lingered in the back of my head constantly, that's the only reason I knew I wasn't exactly in love with Tae yet, because I already knew what it felt like to be in love, and this... This was not that yet, it was different, maybe in the process, but it was at the same time something I had never felt before. He made me happy, I wanted to make him happy, Jimin cheated on me and fucked me up, I deserved to be happy with someone who cared about me as much as I knew Taehyung did. Anyway, it's not like I wasn't in the way for it yet, I was trying my best, and I hoped the day would come when where I said I love you to him, it was completely and utterly sincere. For now, it had to be a bit faux, he meant a lot to me, I felt alive, but I knew something was still off, yet I couldn't tell him that, I didn't want to hurt him any further.

Since that weird almost fight between Tae and Jimin, the latter had not talked again to either of us, in fact I had barely seen him, I knew Tae shared like a class with him or something, but the most I saw of him was sometimes in the distance at lunch, he sat with a bunch of people I didn't really know, and I have to admit sometimes I stared at him longer than I should've. He never looked back though, almost as if he had made a conscious choice to kick me out entirely as if it had never happened. I sometimes saw him sit with that asshole he cheated on me with as well, and I swear my blood boiled as much as it did the day I found them, still, I couldn't do anything.

It was weird seeing him far away for the first time; before we started dating I hadn't even noticed him, so I didn't know much about him, and then I got to know him while we dated, but did I really? Granted, he introduced me to some of his friends, but none of them seemed to be too close to him, he ended up sitting with my group at lunch after all. I knew he was kind of popular, but aside from that I only knew Park Jimin as the person he was with me, while he dated me, I didn't really know that much more, I had no idea how he acted in an actual social setting. That's why seeing him from far away now was so weird to me, it was almost as if the person I was looking at wasn't the same I had kissed so many times before. Noticing the way he acted, the way he did things now, we seemed so very different.

It was kind of insane, I always thought Taehyung and I were polar opposites, now I know we complement each other in a very interesting way, we have a lot in common, we are very similar, it's just he's more extroverted, more emotional, and I'm the counterpart of those two things, but on everything else, we are similar. Weirdly, I always thought Jimin and I had much more in common, but know, seeing him be actually him, the way he is apart from me, I realize, we were very different, but I was too blind to see that.

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Tae and I were still going out, we still hadn't given a title to our relationship, the thing is it had been a month and a half and I wasn't ready for it. Maybe it was weird that we had said I love you without properly being anything, but in the end, I was just glad he understood. I really don't know why I never saw him this way, sometimes I laid in bed at night wondering what could've happened if acted on the first time I realized I was kind of attracted to him. I was a dick to him after the whole bus incident, but before that, I had considered him as a potential partner... If maybe I had seen past his sudden action, if maybe I had given him the benefit of the doubt, gotten to know him, maybe things would be very different now. Maybe this was supposed to happen since the beginning, but instead, I chose to date someone I had seen once, and who I don't really know at all, and in some way, I never got to know him at all. I was too distracted with the idea of someone being into me, that I ignored absolutely everything else.

Regrets work for nothing, and now I just had to focus on what would happen, each day my bond with Taehyung grew, we laughed, we hung out, we talked about dumb shit like why the alphabet is in that order, but also got deep sometimes and talked about literature or the existence if we really wanted to procrastinate from doing homework. Everything just flowed so well, there were no uncomfortable sciences, it was as harmonious as it could be, we balanced each other out, and yet I wasn't sure. I wanted it to continue like that, growing, me longing for him day after day to the point were Jimin was just a distant memory. But the truth was that even if Tae and I were like a match made in heaven, my mind still wandered off sometimes.

A nice afternoon, sitting in Tae's floor with our textbooks scattered in front of us just like every day, laughing at him accidentally going too far and hitting his head lightly on the base of his bed, perfect, it was perfect. We put on Candy Shop because we just sometimes decided that was hilarious and sang the whole thing with the most chaotic energy possible, it felt surreal how much I was invested at the moment, how much he was invested in the moment. And suddenly, a phone buzz, a text message, a heart flip, a concerned face, and what I had been fearing the most this whole time, disruption.

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Heyooo, sooo, yeah, idk what this fucking chapter is but I just haven't done a Yoongi POV in very long so yeah. Also, I'm literally out of ideas but I wanted to get something out because I'm moving like Monday and I probs won't have internet for a bit.

But I hope you enjoyed!!!! And thank you for 22k!

Have a nice day <3.