ISSUES || Taegi

Chapter 49

Yoongi POV

Everything started that fucking day, that's stupid fucking day and it should have never happened. I was doing okay, Tae was making me happy, I felt at peace, him and I in his bedroom just sort of existing but in the nicest way possible, and then Jimin texted me. When I picked up my phone that day, I never expected him to be texting me, I thought it was my mother or something, but it was the most direct and heart-wrenching text I've ever received in my life, a simple "miss me yet?".

As soon as I read my heart jumped, I felt a turmoil of emotions inside of me and suddenly all the memories came rushing back to me, the way we met, all the time we spent together, how blissful he made me feel. It was overwhelming, very overwhelming because right then when I looked back at Taehyung who just stared at me with a confused expression on his face, I realized how much I had been lying to myself. Tae was beautiful, truly beautiful, inside and out, the nicest and purest soul I've ever encountered, and I was dying to fall in love with him, I tried to convince myself I was falling in love with him... But the truth was I was never in that place to begin with, Jimin still lingered in my mind, and most importantly my soul, and I just couldn't get him out as much as I tried to.

I should have seen it beforehand, what Tae and I had was doomed from the start, I failed to give myself enough time and so I rushed into his arms hoping I wouldn't feel the emptiness, the void Jimin had left. I just wanted to be happy, but even if I felt competent, even if I liked Tae and even if he and I had a connection on a weirdly deeper level, the back of my mind never stopped warning me and yet I never paid attention. If Jimin hadn't decided to text me that day... Or any other day, as a matter of fact, everything would have stayed as it was, as dreamlike and perfect as it was, I maybe would have ended forcibly forgetting Jimin, loving Tae ad I wanted to... But there wasn't enough time, there never was, dreams are not supposed to last, and our time had come.

Shortly after the text, I tried to play it cool and left Tae's house, he seemed a bit confused but not too fazed by it. I got home and laid in my bed just staring at my phone screen in anxiety. Should I answer? And if so, what should I answer? were the only things running through my head, and in the end, with my heart pounding as if it was going to burst, I decided to answer.

<<What do you want Jimin?>>

<<I just want to talk Hyung>>

<<Talk about what, about how you cheated on me?>>

<<Listen I know I fucked up, big time, but you haven't even given me a chance to talk... I miss you☹>>

<<There's nothing to talk about, I saw it with my own eyes, what are you going to explain to me?!>>

<<I know Hyung, but please, just talk to me, just once, is all I'm asking for... Don't you miss me even a little bit? I know you've been busy with that friend of yours or whatever, but don't you miss me?>>

<<Stop asking those fucking questions, I don't care okay? Just... Meet me at around 6 pm in the café, you know which one, you can talk but don't try anything>>

<<It's okay Hyung, I won't, and thank you very much for at least listening to me>>

After that my head was rolling, was I doing the right thing, should I even let him talk in the first place? Maybe not, but since he said that first message I couldn't get my head off from seeing him, anyway he was just going to talk for an hour about shit I knew was a lie, right? What damage could it have? And as stablished the next day I left Tae's house early in order to go meet Jimin, it felt wrong, so very wrong, but I couldn't stop myself. Tae asked why I was leaving so early and I simply replied it was because I had a lot of due dates and stuff, which wasn't a lie, but still. I got to the café and the moment I saw Jimin my heart stopped beating for a second... It was as if it was my first time seeing him, and I could've dropped dead right there.

We talked, well, mostly him, he apologized profusely, practically on his knees, promising he would never do it again if I got back together with him, that he was an idiot and that it didn't even happen a lot, he kept saying that he missed me, that he wouldn't live without me... And even if I knew he was kind of lying, seeing him like that, saying all those things, made me feel bad, my gut turning almost begging me o take him back right there and then, my will power was flaking. It went on like that for a while, then we decided it was late and left, I simply told him I forgave his actions but didn't know if I could go back to him, but I guess he got the wrong message because he jumped on me and kissed me, I didn't want to kiss back, I really didn't, but feeling his lips against mine again was too much for me, and so I did.

After that, we kept seeing each other, and so I would hang out less with Tae with the whole finals excuse, I felt like shit every time, I knew I was hurting him even if I had promised I would never do it again... But somehow, I just couldn't pretend everything was the same even if I didn't have the guts to tell him the truth. And so, I started drifting away even more, I was almost dead around him at that point because I just felt so bad but still, I couldn't say a thing. I shouldn't have taken Jimin back, I knew it, but he just had so much power over me I couldn't stop it, and I had hurt Tae once again, I was a selfish bastard.

Jimin and I started hooking up and at some point, he told me he loved me... And almost like a repressed burst from my head, I said I loved him too, since that moment we sort of officially got back together, though I did tell him we should keep it on the low until I built up the courage to tell Taehyung, even if I didn't know if that day would come. That's about when stopped going to his house altogether and taking him, and it progressed to just not talking to him at all because I couldn't look at him in the eye, I knew if I did, I would break inside.

I knew he was catching up, he knew something was wrong, and he texted me, and I knew that was the opportunity to tell him, but I just took the coward route and... I didn't answer, and then did all that was in my power to avoid him at school, even if that meant not attending Literature class. What the fuck was I doing? I felt like so much shit, I started cutting myself again, I wanted Jimin, I needed him, but knowing I was fucking someone else up, someone I cared about, was fucking me up too.

And then I couldn't escape it anymore... Taehyung caught us, and his face is something I'll never forget, I tried talking, clearing it up, but there was nothing to clear up. I had technically not cheated on him, and I knew he knew that, but I knew it hurt the same amount, I wanted to disappear, for earth to suck me up, especially when Jimin stared saying all those awful things to him, I saw his face progressively fill with tears and yet I did nothing, absolutely nothing. I could've stopped him, but I didn't, I muttered a coward "that's enough", but Jimin got what he wanted and then left with me hand in hand, I should've stayed with Tae right then, I knew he was broken, beaten even further up by Jimin's words, and yet I kept on following g the latter like a lifeless satellite. The last I saw was Tae's face cover in tears, staring right back at me with the most awfully hopeless face I've ever seen.

I wanted to keep being friends, in one way or another I did love Tae, I just didn't do so in the same way I loved Jimin. Everything was a mess, I knew I was just bound to get hurt, but I deserved it, I deserved all of it, I couldn't quit Jimin, he was like a drug, I couldn't stop even if I knew it was bad for me and everyone else, I just needed him so much, he was the piece I was missing... But I hurt my best friend in the worst way possible. I wanted to be his best friend, keep him close, but I just knew this was a no return point... I had lost Kim Taehyung.

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Heya, so, I literally have no comment on this chapter except, fuck Yoongi (?). Anyway, Happy new year!!! Hopefully, I'll end this fanfic soon enough lol.

Have a nice day <3.