ISSUES || Taegi

Chapter 3

Taehyung POV

For some reason and because the world probably hates me, I literally had "Advanced Literature" three times a week, three times a week I had to gulp my anxiety down as I sat in a room full of upperclassmen. Damn it at that point I wasn't even scared of everyone in the room, I was scared of my infamous seat partner who could actually kill me if he wanted to.

The first few weeks of school were...pretty normal I would say, I mean unless you count all those times I panicked when the teacher asked me to talk in front of the class or something. Everything was still the same, I was still trying to hide the fact that I wasn't entirely okay to my friends, but I wasn't very good at it. The truth is, I had never been entirely okay, but somehow it was never as bad as to not let me be that talkative and loud guy I was, but now it was really bad, I was seriously broken, I had never in my life felt the way I did right then, and it was eating me alive.

As I just said, everything seemed kinda normal...Until Jin decided something was a very good idea, even if it was not. We were sitting in the cafeteria at lunch, as usual, Jin hadn't arrived yet so Hoseok, Jungkook and I were just kind of talking while we waited for him. Sooner than later he appeared with a bright yet apologetic smile on his face...and soon enough I knew why; he was being followed by both Yoongi and Namjoon.

"Hey guys"- He said lowering his voice and taking a deep breath- "So um, you know I have some friends from my year, and uh you know...I have been hanging out a lot with them lately and as I don't want to leave you guys or anything, I thought maybe they could begin hanging out with us?"- Jin said quickly and nervously, and I was simply in shock. Why would guys like Namjoon and Yoongi even accept to spend their time with us? It was way too unbelievable.

"Jin Hyung..."- Hoseok said bringing Jin closer to him- "Aren't those two a bit...dangerous?"- He said whispering in panic.

"Hey, don't worry, we won't beat any of you up, Jin would kill us and he is scary when angry"- Namjoon said laughing, after clearly having heard Hoseok's remark- "Also that's just gossip, I mean we do get in trouble, but for other stuff, we haven't really beaten anyone up since Freshman year"- Namjoon added shrugging, I wondered why they had that fame then and what kind of stuff they did to get in trouble.

"So...can we like, sit down?"- Yoongi said uninterested, particularly looking at me, ironic considering in those three weeks we had been sitting together in Literature class he had never said a single thing to me, he wouldn't even look at me, not that I cared, bit if felt weird considering what was going on at the moment.

After we all hesitantly agreed to the two older boys sitting with us, the place seemed to tense up a bit...It felt completely forced, what was Jin doing?! I seriously started to believe he was losing his mind, and even if Namjoon said what he said, I was still scared of them, particularly of Yoongi who had a very unfriendly attitude in general.

Did he even remember me? I mean I doubt it, he never even answered me when I tried socializing.

Why would they seriously all of a sudden agree to sit with us? It was the question that kept going through my head.

After some awkward silence which was drained by the noise of other students chatting, Jin finally said something realizing he was responsible for that situation.

"So um, guys, don't you think it's weird how we are literally moving through time and space right now?!- Jin said very excitedly as the remaining five of us just stared at him questioning what the hell was going on.

But...Somehow it worked. No, seriously, after that Namjoon began explaining some weird quantum physics shit, which made me realize he was actually smart as heck, and just like that the six of us were involved in a very intense discussion about relativity and temporality. I even broke my sadness shell a little bit and noticed my usual self-shine through a little, I was being loud and opinionated; it was very strange how a random and certainly uncommon conversation involving two guys I was terrified of would make me feel like myself again, even if it was for a bit.

After the school bell rang we were forced to stop talking, even if we were all very into the discussion. That day in particular I had Literature class after lunch, and so Namjoon, Yoongi, Jin and I walked together towards the classroom now pondering why oranges were called oranges or something like that. As I finally sat down I was still wearing a genuine smile on my face, one I hadn't worn in quite a while, and this time Yoongi looked at me.

"Hey, your concept of temporality is bullshit, but I thought you were more stupid"-Yoongi said gatting his gaze away from me...was that a compliment?

"Uh...Thanks, I guess? I mean I'm literally taking an advanced class so..."- I said trying not to sound too cocky, I just felt a bit offended.

"That doesn't mean anything, you could be the dumbest person in the world and still get promoted two years, that's just how this shit works"- He said as he briefly looked at me before eyeing Ms. Kang who was just entering the classroom.

His words kept resonating in my head as the teacher began with the class, not only because that was the first time Yoongi had actually talked to me, but because he was absolutely right. I wasn't a genius, I just happened to know how to please people in general, and that included academic performance. As the teacher kept talking about Renaissance literature or something, my mind kept overthinking, and once again I fell into my usual dark pit. The bliss didn't last long, and it made me angry, very angry, I still couldn't understand why I wasn't able to control myself, my emotions, my life.

As the class finished I didn't wait for Jin as I always did, he would be fine without me, I was sure, but I had to get out of there. I exited the room quickly and headed towards the bathrooms and locked myself up in a cubicle...Then, I simply started crying, first, it was slow and whimpery, but after a few minutes it was desperate crying. My whines became louder and more suffocated, I felt my lungs collapsing and my heart pounding hard in my chest, I was definitely having a panic attack. 

WHY? Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I simply move on? WHY? WHY? WHY?

After a while, not sure how much because I was too concentrated on feeling like I was going insane, it began to wear down slowly. I checked the time and realized the buses had already left as I spent about half an hour in the cubicle, which meant I would have to walk home. I finished calming myself down and got out, the school was completely deserted and I sighed as I headed towards the exit.

The walk home was once again a moment for me to overthink absolutely everything in my life, I could feel the wind hitting my face and I listened to the trees swinging, I just wanted to disappear. After walking for about an hour I finally arrived to my house and then did something I had promised myself I would never do again...

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Heyyyy, how are you doing? Well this was kind of a lot to be fair, poor Tae tbh, he is so broken :( 

Thank you so much for reading, and don't forget to comment and vote, I really apreciate it. Have a nice day <3