ISSUES || Taegi

Chapter 44

Taehyung POV

Even if I didn't want to admit it, I was incredibly happy, I knew it was rushed and it wasn't really okay right now, but every time Yoongi held my hand under the table, or took me home, or just talked sweet nothings to me made me want to risk it all. It had been around two weeks since that fateful Saturday, and until now it had all been beautiful, we hung out, kissed, pretended not to have anything going on at school even if Yoongi was awfully bad at it, which confused me a lot at first and made me super nervous but with the days going by I just kind of started rolling along with it. I mean it was perfect, no one had said anything to either of us, even if Jungkook kept giving me that look, Jimin hadn't crossed our paths again yet, in fact, I had barely seen him those weeks apart from History class which we had together unfortunately, and I could just get lost in this moment as much as I wanted. I was freaking out at the beginning and with good reason, I knew we were moving way too fast, we still are, yes, we technically are nothing, but at the same time, we behave around each other pretty much as if we were... Even if I knew it was wrong because he was totally not over Jimin yet, he didn't say anything about it, but I just knew.

At times I felt bad, used, kind of as if he was just playing around with me to get over Jimin and didn't truly feel anything for me. I did my best to push that aside, he looked at me with so much fondness it couldn't just be a strategy, right? I never got around to tell him perhaps it was better to take it slow because he needed time to heal and I needed to be sure that he wanted to be with me, I just couldn't, every time he looked at me, he kissed me, he said those beautiful things to me, I couldn't react... Even if I knew there was a chance it wouldn't work out, I just didn't want to wake up yet, it was too good, maybe too much to be true.

Monday rolled around and finally, someone dared to speak up. Jungkook. As soon as we stepped down from the bus and he told me we were not going to class right now I knew what was about to go down, and I also knew I had no way to go around it.

"Right, so you are hiding something and I know it, I don't know exactly what it is but I definitely have an idea"- He started as we hid in one of the boys' bathroom cubicles.

"Yeah... I knew you suspected something, listen, first of all, I didn't tell you or anyone for that matter of fact because it was a common agreement not to, second of all, when Yoongi and Jimin broke up we kind of had a weird moment and now we're... More than just friends?"- I said trying to summarize it as best as I could and not really sure how to explain our current situation. I knew I had to tell him; he already knew even if he didn't say it.

"I knew it!"- He said excitedly pointing a finger towards me- "All that weird acting during lunch wasn't normal"- He said mostly to himself but then his expression turned serious all of a sudden- "Tae, listen, I'm happy for you and all... But isn't it kind of rushed? I mean he and Jimin were together for quite a while and he seemed very into him, it's been like two weeks and you are already together?"

"I... I know that Kook, we are not exactly together though, we are supposedly taking it slow, yeas we go out and kiss and hold each other and stuff, but we are not technically a couple"- I said sighing at the end of that and not really looking at him in the eye, I knew he was right in telling me that- "I really tried to go even more slowly, but he's just really jumping into it and I can't stop..."

"Tae... Are you in love with him?"- He said still sternly but with tenderness in his voice.

"I mean... I'm pretty sure I am, I've never been in love but I guess this is kind of what it feels like"- I answered half-smiling unconsciously.

"Listen, you are my best friend and this is why I'll tell you this in all honesty... You may love him, but he doesn't love you yet, yes he might like you a lot and be on the right path, but his heart is still somewhere else, and as long as that's the case, you have a big chance of getting hurt, especially if you are not really in a relationship, that no label thing always ends up badly. I know Yoongi doesn't mean to hurt you... But you just need to know it might happen"- He said bluntly as he tried to comfort me at the end, those were all my thoughts but said by someone else, my eyes watered a bit but I promised myself not to cry.

"I know Kook... And thank you for worrying about me, I'll be careful, I'll be fine"- I said finally looking at my friend who genuinely looked concerned.

"I sure hope so Tae, just know if you ever need anything, I'm always here, okay?"- He said staring back at me while putting both his hands on my shoulders.

"Okay"- I smiled a little despite my inner pain and pulled him in for a hug.

After that, we just left to class. But my mind kept doing everything but concentrate... Maybe I need to hear it from someone else to realize that was an actual possibility as much as I didn't want it to be.

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That same day in the afternoon, just as I was ready to go meet Yoongi in the parking lot as we had been doing lately, a very familiar voice called me lowly from the back.

"Yah, Kim Taehyung, why don't we have a little chat?"- He said way closer than I wanted him to be, I was startled and turned around in disbelief.

"I have nothing to talk about with you"- I said keeping my distance firmly even if I was frankly terrified.

"Oh, come on, you've been avoiding me since that day, at least give me a second"- Namjoon said finally letting down his façade and showing some weirdly genuine desperation in talking to me.

"Make it fucking quick"- I said upset, not really wanting to have that conversation.

"Listen, I'm sorry about what happened the last time we talked, I was an egotistic asshole and I fucked up, I shouldn't have kissed you like that and overall I shouldn't have overreacted that way, what I'm trying to say is I want to apologize, it's fine if you don't forgive me, but I just had to let that out"- I said finally letting out some breath at the end, clear shame was spread across his face and it almost made me feel bad for him.

"Look, I forgive you alright? Still, I don't want anything to do with you anymore"- I said being genuine, I didn't have any resentment, but I didn't want him close either.

"That's understandable Taehyung, I'm really sorry it had to end like this... I got so awfully angry and went to so many extremes for someone that isn't even worth it and that realistically was never going to look my way"- He stared wandering off, not really looking at me- "I know Jimin cheated on Yoongi because Jin told me, and I just can't believe I was so stupid for following him so blindly, I broke off my friendship with my best friend and contributed to breaking apart our friend group for someone I didn't even talk to and that I know now is an asshole"- He said now clenching his fists, clearly angry and for some reason still going around in his monologue- "I wish I could turn back time, I really do, I want to start anew, and even if things will never be the same, I thought I owed you an apology... And from now on I'll try to be better"- He finished off by giving me a terrifyingly sincere look.

"Hey, we all make mistakes, you are right, things don't just get fixed because you say sorry, but recognizing you were in the wrong definitely helps... I forgive you, and I hope everyone else does too"- I said giving him a sympathy look back, genuinely touched by his words but standing my ground. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, I waved at him and started walking away.

"Hey, Tae!"- He almost screamed for me in the distance- "I don't know exactly what's going on between you and Yoongi and it's none of my business I know, but whatever it is, I hope he is okay and I hope you do find happiness, really... You deserve it"- He finally said with a warm smile on his face, his dimples in full display.

"Thank you, Hyung... I do hope you find happiness as well, wherever that is"- I said returning the smile before turning around and walking in almost disbelief at what just had happened.

There was a lot to think about, a lot to unpack, but for that moment, I just wanted to enjoy a nice car ride with some nice music in the background and with Yoongi by my side.

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Heeey, so like I really don't know what to say because this chapter was awful lol, but you know I don't want to fuck up just yet.

Anyhow... We are at 20k reads???? Like???? How??? Thank you so much????

Have a nice day <3.