Roofers.

15. Midnight madness.

Ronan POV.

(TRIGGER WARNING: heavy abuse. Please don't read this if you are a victim of abuse and are struggling with your mental state.)

I gasped as I sprung awake, my breaths were heavy and broken. The rise and fall of my chest was rapid, slowly crushing me into my thin mattress. My erection was so hard it pressed up against my stomach stole every thought I had. Evidence of my wet dream had soaked my underwear and my sheets. I gasped, my shaky breaths hindering me from oxygen. The sweat on my forehead made my hair stick to my skin.

Neon lights shined into my room with the loud, piercing sound of the train as it rattled by, shaking everything in my bedroom as if it were weightless. It filled my room with energy, buzzing and rattling and brimming with motion, but still, it felt empty without her.

I had become restless. Unable to shut my eyes, unable to avert my mind from her. She was like the trap, and I'd become the poor animal in its snare.

My bed felt like a prison, my blankets had become like chains and my mattress; a thick cold slab of concrete. The clingy submissive in me wanted to be with her, wrapped in her scent through midnight. But the boy in me, hell-bent to impress, didn't want to scare her away. I missed that safety I felt when I was with her; I missed the freedom of submission; the clarity of mind after spacing. I hated this. I hated feeling trapped in my own presence; I hated feeling alone in a place where everyone knew me. In all this, I hated hiding the way I felt towards her the most.

I was willing to do anything to replicate her soft, gentle touch; the sound of her voice when she called me her good boy. I craved a release. A release I knew was forbidden to have without permission. Desperation crept into my body like an old friend, making me squirm in my bed as I recalled on the dream that woke me up in the first place. In my mind, I retraced everywhere her hands had been. I recalled on the bite of the ropes as she tightened them around me. I repeated the things she said to me. I remembered begging her for my undoing. I remembered forgetting my safe word; I remembered never wanting that word to leave my mouth, anyway. But now I felt ashamed, I felt ashamed because I liked what she did to me. I loved every second of it. 

I closed my eyes, remembering her every movement and the foreign feelings that erupted inside of me. I grabbed a pillow and pushed it into my crotch with hopes to ease the growing urge. I groaned in annoyance; it wasn't enough. It would never be enough because I just wanted her and it was paining me that she wasn't here, that she had stayed away from me for so long. It pained me to think that she didn't want me anymore, and the idea of her finding someone else made me feel hollow. I wasn't used to having to chase anyone. Girls were always just there for me, waiting for me to see their efforts, but it wasn't like that anymore.

Begrudgingly, I reached over to my phone and called her, the sudden light glaring in my eyes in the dark room. I broke out in a nervous cold sweat; what if she didn't want me to call her? What if I got in trouble for calling her so late? What if she punished me for it, maybe that would get her fucking attention? The air in my lungs ran from me as I heard the ringing come to a stop.

"I'm surprised you lasted so long, princess" Her sultry sleep-filled voice drowned my ears; the urge to fix my problem took over my mind. Her voice was like an on switch, slowly pulling me deep into my space and keeping me there as I failed to catch my breath. I didn't even try to resist — I let her do it because that was all I could think about for days.

"M... Mistress—"I moaned. I was breathing heavy boulders, I couldn't talk straight. Her voice had put me in a trance, I stayed dead still as I gripped my pillow tightly refusing to even shake.