Roofers.

32. Our stars.

Scarlett POV.

Love was the most cruel fate man had been given.

I mean if you really, really thought about it all it was dopamine with a mix of other chemicals too long to name. These chemicals caused emotions, emotions strong enough to convince you that it'd stay forever. And the highs were high enough to graze your fingers at the edges of stars. And the lows were lower than the dust that fell back down with you.

"But the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. Right, Rico?" I whispered. I just hadn't learnt to fly in time. So I guess I was stuck down here. Waiting for Rico to fly too close to the sun and fall back into my arms. But he was always more careful than I was. By now, I knew he wasn't coming back. "I'm sorry about last time..."

The spring sun beamed down onto the graveyard, lighting up each headstone like bright, grey coloured LED's. I spotted Rico's from a distance. As I tiredly trudged over to his stone, I imagined what I would've done if he was there waiting for me. Simply sitting in a cold granite bench staring at his own grave which with the same kind of confusion that plagued me upon re-reading his name again, for what may have been the thirtieth time. I think of his big brown eyes flickering up to meet my own, filling up with his cynical kind of excitement as he offered me his confident lopsided grin. The one I would only ever see in pictures now.

I close my eyes, listening to Rico's unruly laughter as it bellows into the sky, scaring away every form of life but me. I could never leave him behind, not if I tried, not even now. But when I open my eyes again, I am greeted but nothing but what perhaps may be a pillar of air, an empty space beside me on the cold granite bench that had become a breeding ground for the faecal matter of fearless pigeons. And again, for what may have been the thirtieth time, I forget that he's dead and, in a box, six feet underground, without any air. Once, he'd told me, one of his many fears had been waking up in his casket after he'd been buried only to find out he hadn't really died but would die soon because no one would ever hear him screaming for help. He'd read articles on the internet about graves being dug up only to find scratch marks on the inner surfaces of the wooden boxes. So, at his funeral, I made sure he had his phone. Just in case he wasn't dead. Just in case he needed me to come get him after he realised that dying didn't solve his shit. He never did call, but that was something I didn't like to think about.

I stared at his still gravestone. Retraced the name that had been carved into the hard granite rock, my eyes ignoring the date that had already been carved into my mind. Enrico Jules Valentine, my best friend. My first real love. Buried 6 feet beneath me and this rock. To this day I couldn't believe he was really under there. Simply laying there, beneath all that soil, as his body slowly decayed. He was just a meal for maggots and worms until he turned to dust. I preferred to convince myself that he was just laying there, listening. Waiting. Praying for the happy life he'd fantasised of to finally kick in. I mean, this is what he wanted, right? To be happy in his pitiful demise. He could be a selfish prick when he wanted to. This was one of those times. And the last.

I wondered what chemical could take this sadness away. But I was never the aspiring scientist with any sort of interest in the way substances reacted with each other. That was his dream. He was always searching for answers, trying to understand the "why" of everything. All I knew was that things happened because that's just the way things worked. I was never one to question that. Questions like that led people like me to where Rico was right now.

"It's been a year since..." I couldn't say what I needed to. I took shaken and shallow breaths as I tried once more. "It's been a year since... you. Huh. Fuck-"

"-Fuck, Rico, you're really gonna make this hard for me?" I chuckled through my cracking voice. Furiously rubbing away at the single tear that dared to leave my burning eyes. "Fuck you" I laughed sadly.

"I came because I wanted to tell you that I kept your promise. I-I fell in love. I really fell in love, can you believe it? You were right, though. You're always right. It still gets on my nerves, but whatever." I smiled at the rock as if he was really on the other side, smiling back. I got onto the ground, laying beside him like I used to. Staring at the clouds as they slugged passed, forming all sorts of shapes and animals — like my origami, the clouds seemed to fold and shift until they resembled something. "His name is... Ronan. But I call him Jules, because he reminds of you. He's the star football player at school, he has these pretty grey eyes, soft brunette hair that gets messy really easily... He has the most amazing smile, when he smiles I just... He reminds me so much of you. Sometimes it's actually scary how much you two are alike. Literally... Everything's changed so much and I-"

My rant was followed by an empty silence. This was the part where he'd blush, simply laughing at my ranting. The breeze served as the only sound in the lonely graveyard, wisping past the trees until I could hear a soft rustle in the distance. It reminded me of just how gone he was. How far away he probably must've been by now.

"god, I miss you" I blurted out as I looked over at the stone. For a moment I could imagine that he was laying right beside me. Looking back at me with those pretty brown eyes. I missed the warmth of his smile, the tightness of his grip on my cold hands. I missed the countless infinities I'd spent hearing him laugh at my awful jokes. "I just... I hate you for leaving me behind" Tears dribbled from my face.

"I hate you for leaving me here!" I cried as the tears came back full force. Every day since he'd left felt like the same one. Every day without him I withdrew deeper into my mind. I lay there. Trembling, shaking in a pain that no one should ever have known. I lay there gasping for air as the tears ravaged my lungs. When they subsided I lay there war torn in my own self destruction. Watching as smoke filled blue sky, burning orange flames until dark blue ashes stained the sky instead.

"They finally all know I'm a roofer now. Jules may have ratted me out but I can finally just be Scar and I'm not scared anymore and I just wish... I wish you were here to see it." I croaked, the grief in my mouth still tasted of thick tar, holding my teeth until even my words became heavy "Also my dad came back. It's a bit a long story."

So I told him everything. I told him about my dad and about my mom and about Darnell. I told him about Candy and Dante and how they were getting collared. I told him about how much the downtown roads had changed. And how little Astonville had. I spoke as if he were still right here, listening as he quietly stared up at the darkening sky until I had said everything that could have been said, until my breathes felt much less laboured.

"I guess I should get going now." I got up from the grass. Leaving Rico lying there still, with his eyes still closed and his body still rigid as he enjoyed the quiet. I knew he would catch up with me eventually, and that was alright.

"Happy birthday, Jules" I gave him a small smile, laying the small bouquet of flowers I'd bought for him beneath his gravestone. I lay a kiss on the cold solid rock, hating that this was how cold his forehead had felt that night but kissing anyway, because I couldn't bring myself to hate him for long.

I waited for a second, staring at his grave as if we would say something. A goodbye, a see you later. I'd never had to leave without him saying bye back. I couldn't bring myself to say it, fully aware of the silence that would follow.

"I love you" So I said what the only thing he never had the chance to say back to me.

And when the truth settled into the suffocating lump in my throat. I left.