Roofers.

12. 3 am.

Ronan POV.

Okay, so maybe Micah was right. Maybe I was rushing into this without thinking and maybe this was the most adolescent decision I would ever make, maybe I wanted it to be.  I just wanted to be oblivious, to ignore anything that could just take this away from me. 

I didn't know where I was going in the early hours of the morning. The sun was taking her sweet time. The moon was taking hers. The sky was lifeless, staring down into all the valley houses for lack of anything better to do. It was too late for stars and neon lights and too early for clouds, but the moon still hung in the sky, shining in her lonely light. The air felt like ice water rushing to gnaw at my skin; I felt it washing over me, tugging the goosebumps to surface. It wasn't cold enough to reach my bones, but it kept me awake despite how tired I was. The streets were filled with brittle silence and all I could hear was the engine of my car — a melodic roar that put me at ease. The car been a gift from my mother, being in it reminded me of her.

3 am was one of the few times this place was silent. Nobody was up to scream at each other, all the kids had been tucked away from the night sky's gaze, they played somewhere in deep sleep as the alarm clock waited to drag them out and force them here again. It was one of the times when everyone was where they wanted to be, somewhere that wasn't here.

I drove passed houses I'd known my entire life. Passed Uncle Kenny's place, passed what had once been Miss Carter's bakery, passed the library and the church. 

I wondered what would happen if they found out the truth. If they'd still smile and wave when they saw me, their faces filled with some kind of joy. For so long I felt like that was my responsibility — keeping everyone around me happy. And until I met Scarlett, I didn't see how it was damaging me. I didn't see how much it was leeching out me and how little it gave in return. I was too busy trying to be the person this place needed to stay sane. I wanted to be the glue that held us together. The wall that held us from collapse. Until then, I was happy with that being my life. I was happy to see them happy at my expense. It was easy, all I had to do was say the right thing, laugh when I had to, play like the world was at stake and forget certain parts of me. That was it. And I didn't mind it too much.

And maybe things would've still been easy if I hadn't met her. But things were different now. And I was starting to detest the idea of pretending my whole life. The possible future that awaited me made me want to pull my nails out with pliers. I couldn't stomach the possibility of dying alone. Or ending up with a nice family and a wife I couldn't stand. I hated any future without spacing, and it scared me. The more I thought of it, the more I was willing to give for a taste of normality, of freedom, of her. 

Getting out of this place was supposed to give me that, but what's supposed to happen afterwards. I couldn't shake this feeling. Even if things did work out, who would I have then? Either way, I was doomed to a spaceless life. And what if things didn't go as planned? What if I got hurt and what if I got no offers, what if my way out wasn't foolproof? Then what would I have? I would have sold my soul to this place for nothing in return. At least with a dominant, I wasn't completely screwed.

I found myself outside her house. Sitting alone in the dark, listening to the fountain of infant angels with water spewing from their mouths and into the water below. 

I pulled out my phone to message her.

Me: Hey. 

Me: You awake?

Her: Sadly.

Her: Can't sleep:(

Me: I would say sorry but the fact that you're up is currently very beneficial to me;)