Seriously Sirius

Chapter 23

Smiling. That is what I woke up doing. I had a peaceful night sleep and awoke smiling. I was relaxed. Sure, I was still hurting. A lot. But, I figure if I have to live my life without my family, I better start getting used to it.

Lily had been very patient with me. For that, I am eternally grateful. The biggest grin broke out in her face when she saw my tearless smiling face.

I actually showed up to class. On time and everything! I took notes, and paid attention to the lesson. I just didn't respond at all to Sirius throughout Herbology. I didn't snap, but I wasn't exactly nice.

I ate food at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I actually smiled a real smile all day. I actually laughed at a joke today. That really took James by surprise.

I was snapping back into my old self. It felt good. Being me again was an amazing feeling. I didn't feel quite whole, but I probably never would without Rose. And I was fine with that.

The cuts, scuffs, scars, and bruises on my heart showed I survived. The showed that I had made it through. Every single mark in my heart is proof of a battle I fought. And even if I didn't win the battle, I made it through. That counts for something right?

All my emotional, inspiring stuff aside, today was the best day I have had since Rose passed. That smile in my face when I woke up didn't go away once today. Lily and 'the gang' made sure if that.

Today was full of jokes, joy and laughter. And I needed it. I had finally let go. Letting go opened me up to being helped. Asking for help is a hard thing to do. It's even harder if you aren't willing to help yourself first.

I am a bit more closed off and guarded than I was before. But, that probably won't change. I don't want any of that to happen again. My heart is still being rebuilt, and I would rather not have the new and improved destroyed.

I went to sleep as calm and serene as I woke up. A goofy smile still plastered across my face, my head hit the pillow.

I was throughly exhausted thus, sleep was a highly welcomed feeling in my book. My mind was clear as sleep overtook my brain.