Adventures of The Sad, Broken, and Happy (Hobbit Fan Fiction)

Chapter 10 Yoohoo Big Allie Blowout!

Allie

~~~

How dare he? I mean how dare he use my gender as an excuse!

In a rage I grab the back of his fancy fur  coat and pull him from the dining room into the hallway. He spins in anger and I stand tall right in his face.

"How dare you! I don't care who you are mister Oakenshield! But no one and I mean no one! Is a big-headed man! in front of me! Did you know if not for women there would be no men! hobbits! elves! or DWARVES! DO YOU KNOW WHAT A WOMAN HAD TO DO TO BRING YOU INTO BEING? Women are equal to men! It is just taking the world too long to catch up."

"Yeah right. Women are meant for the kitchen and providing for family," one of the dwarves snorts. I see red and all hope of sanity is lost. Dwalin stands up to defend his king who is standing close enough to share air with me now, but two knives on either side of his head landing into the wall behind him make sit down. I see Alex and Grace smirk triumphantly and look to me.

"NO WE ARE MEANT FOR MORE! My gender doesn't say a thing about me and you should all learn to see past the fact that I'm a woman! Did you know there are no male assassins that have had more than five successful kills? Did you know the female body endures more pain than what should be physically possible without dying during labor? Did you know the most famous female warrior the only known dragon killer Ela Nomad a human single handedly tricked and killed Redag the Deadly. Did you?!" I rant. "I expected you to know better than this!"

"Very well if you can prove your worth you may join in this quest," Thorin decides, unfazed. The others dwarves should be nodding but they are shocked. I guess I'm pretty scary when I'm mad. Satisfied, I step back away from the dwarf king and inhale deeply.

"Alright," Grace nods and out of nowhere a knife from Grace lands into a roll Bombur was eating. "Done." Grace and Alex are crazy fast.

"Me next," Alex says and a knife instantly lands into the wall pinning one of Kili's hair beads. "Done."

"I guess we have to now Emily," I sigh deeply and pull the knife Grace threw at Dwalin out of the wall.

"Yeah I guess we do," Emily sheepishly laughs and pulls the knife Alex threw at Dwalin. We step into the front room.

"Duel?" I ask.

"Sure," Emily agrees and we bow to each other.

"Ready?"

"Yes," Emily replies and we instantly clash weapons. Every time of hit she blocks and every time she hits I block. We are evenly matched but the duel lasts long enough and has enough skill and effort to prove ourselves.

"Done," we chime together after bowing to each other again.

"Well alright then here," Balin hands the four of us contracts. I grab it and give a quick scan before grabbing a quill and signing my name at the bottom. But I pause at the few other spots for signing and things.

"Funeral arrangements?" I whisper to Grace.

"Yes what would you like to be done with your body? if we recover it, what kind of ceremony you want? You know that sort of thing," Grace explains.

I nod and scribble out a small ceremony lots of flowers. Then for family/spouse I write Grace Bloodlust Emily Writle, Bilbo Baggins, Alex Blackheart.

"Here." I hand the contract to Balin and smile cheekily at Thorin.

"Wait you didn't sign your full name lass and do you have any blood relatives?" Balin hands back the contract. I involuntarily freeze and force myself to take a deep breath before talking.

"Is the full name necessary? No, I don't have any blood relatives that would need to be alerted of my passing," I reply smoothly.

"Well I suppose this will do. Welcome to the company of Thorin Oakenshield lass," Balin declares and shakes my hand.

"Thank you."

~~~

Emily

~~~

I read through the contract a little amazed at its length, possible deaths, and fine writing. But I sign anyway I'm leaving this place no matter what.

I sign Emily Freda Writle for my name. For funeral arrangements I put I want to be burned and my ashes spread everywhere. Lastly for family I put Alex Blackheart, Grace Bloodlust, and Allie.

"Here, and my blood family would not need be alerted," I say and pass it to Balin.

"Alrighty lass welcome to the company of Thorin Oakenshield," Balin repeats and shakes my hand.

"Why thank you," I return and sit down next to Fili and Kili.

"Welcome lass this adventure will be so much more fun with you," Fili murmurs to me.

"Well I'm glad to join." Fili is grinning and I find when our gazes meet a warm feeling pools in my stomach.

~~~

Grace

~~~

I read through the contract snorting at all the ways they think I can get killed. Please mangled by orcs no way. When I die its gonna be one of the assassins I've trained proving themselves.

I sign my name Grace Deanara Bloodlust. For funeral arrangements I place hide my body, cover up the murder, no one shall know outside of the company how I've died. I can't risk all the people that fear me finding out that I'm dead. I wish to be feared even after death. For family/spouse I put Allie, Alex Blackheart, and Emily Writle. I also put a side note of don't ask questions about any of our families blood relatives.

"Here." I place contract on the table and don't even wait for an answer.

~~~

Alex

~~~

I heard Grace snort at all the possible deaths and I do too. I mean we've lived in this Middle Earth a very long time and we've learned all the tricks of living in near death situations. We are very quick and can think on our feet. If I were to go anyway it would be death by carnivorous plant or an evil fire demon.

I sign Alex Gren Blackheart for my name. Then throw my body into an abyss after setting it on fire for funeral arrangements. Lastly for family/spouse I write Grace Balckheart, Allie, Kili (platonic soulbond), and Emily Writle.

Yes Kili is my platonic, I know because I saw a black heart mark on his hand along with a big AB. It explains the connection I felt when I saw his eyes. Also on my hand I have the Durins crest with two arrows through it along with a huge KD.

"Done." I hand the contract to the scholar, Balin.

"Well congratulations on your platonic bond with our Prince Kili and welcome to the company of Thorin Oakenshield," Balin announces and a chain reaction of gasps ensues.

"Yeah thanks," I grumble and wave my hand at all the shocked faces around the table.

"Alex manners!" Emily snaps.

"I mean oh my gosh I'm so flattered to be platonics with Kili Durin! Oh gosh this is like a dream come true!" I exclaim in a sarcastic fake girly voice.

"Well I'm so flattered to be platonics with one of the most feared assassins in all of Middle Earth!" Kili counters with an equally sarcastic girly voice. We stare at each other for a second then bust out laughing.

"Perfect match," Fili comments and smirks.

"Well you are certainly four very interesting gals," Balin remarks. "And I'm sure we'll be glad to have your help."

"Well of course if we were ordinary we'd all be married and have kids!" Emily responds.

"But we all said screw that!" Alex continues.

"Lets be free women!" Allie finishes.