Everything is Red

Chapter 13 - The 'F' Word

The cautiously light amount of pressure being applied to Peter's body was soothing and warm he felt like he could melt into that embrace.  While his breathing was still labored he could tell that it had started to return to normal and was considerably better than it had been a few seconds ago.   Peter's thoughts raced as he forced himself not to think about the situation he was in, shutting his eyes tightly he tried to push the memories that were bombarding him to the back of his memory. Peter felt weak and embarrassed by his seemingly irrational fear of hospitals, but after so many horrible memories in them it was something he couldn't deny scared him. Panic attacks were something he was used too, he had so much pent up stress, fears and self doubt that he found himself quite often getting swept away into a random attack. Never had he been pushed into one in front of someone else though and it was embarrassing, this added to his stress and made him panic more. Nothing was worse for him though then hospitals, it seemed like the more he tried to convince himself that it wasn't something he needed to be afraid of the more it frightened him.  Every convincing pep talk he gave himself to try and calm down the thoughts that raced through his head seemed to backfire and pour metaphorical gasoline on the flames of his underlying fears.

The arms around him tightened pulling him from his mind and back into the room with Deadpool. A sigh escaped his lips as he tried to catch his breath, the machine monitoring his heart rate slowed and it's beeping returned to a rhythmic beep.  This seemed to calm Peter too as things grew silent in the room. The pressure that was comforting him loosened as Deadpool pulled back still holding his shoulders and Peter found himself quickly missing his embrace.

"You okay Spidey?" Deadpool said to Peter with a tilt of his head to the side.

Peter tried not to break eye contact with him, he didn't want to look around and get flooded by memories again. "Please, just get me out of here now." Peter breathed out his voice cracking a little at the end unintentionally. Now he was embarrassed all over again as he dropped his gaze from Deadpool's still trying to gather his breath so he could sound somewhat natural. Desperately he attempted to keep his thoughts at bay by listening to each and every word that was said between the two of them, Peter hung onto these words letting them slowly process in his mind.  By keeping his mind filled with nothing but words shared between them he was able to keep his mind blank and free.

"What in the world are you talking about, you just got out of major fucking surgery! I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure I can't just move you." Deadpool said with understandable confusion and a sharp underlying warning to his voice.

"Listen you know I can't do hospitals and I think you know why...I understand that this all probably seems silly to you. I get that! But I won't be able to get any rest if I have to stay here, my healing isn't as good as yours but it isn't bad either. However, it requires me to rest for a while." Peter said in one breath, he gulped in more air to continue. "So please just help me get out of here or I'll do it myself," Peter warned looking back up at him.  Deadpool's hands dropped off Peter's shoulders as he reached up to the bridge of his nose rubbing it with frustration and thought. Peter felt horrible because he knew it wasn't fair to give him an ultimatum like this and he felt ridiculous reacting the way he was. Feeling like a child around Deadpool seemed to be a recurring theme for Peter, he felt weak and afraid in comparison to the always overly confident Deadpool and this only justified his self-doubts in his mind more.

"Okay Spidey, you're making this decision for me. I can't have you crawling all over New York City in your condition now can I?" Deadpool said letting his hand that was massaging the bridge of his nose to drop again onto Peter's shoulder, a reassuring smile in his tone. "After all what are friends for besides busting your bestie out of one of the most heavily secured buildings in the big city?" Deadpool joked.

Involuntarily Peter recoiled away from Deadpool's touch slightly nothing that would be noticeable to him, There's that F word again. Peter thought as he felt his heart stop a little at the mention of the "friend" word, he glanced down again.   A mixture of emotions filled his mind and his heart, he was embarrassed.   Embarrassed for more than a couple things, he was embarrassed that he was being seen like this at all, in such a weak and pathetic position. Half naked in a hospital room having a panic attack in front of the last man on earth he would want to see him like this. Embarrassed for having to be saved once again, embarrassed at the fact that he was acting like a petulant child giving their parents an ultimatum. However, the most embarrassing thing and the cherry on top of the cake was that Peter held feelings for the man that clearly only looked at him as a friend.  

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Another chapter done!! I'm so happy you all are enjoying it! :) Next Chapter will be up on Friday!