Everything is Red

Chapter 1 - A Fateful Encounter

Hey guys, it's your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man swinging through the streets on one of my nightly routine patrols. I'm on the lookout for any damsels in distress, maybe the occasional robbery in progress for me to thwart. It's not all evil villains and explosions though, sometimes it's just helping out the occasional lost little old women, like for example the one I'm giving directions to now. Ah, I am such a pure hearted human being, oh what a privilege it is to be me but hey it ain't always easy to be such a good guy. I seem to attract enemies like moths to a flame, being dressed in a clearly copyrighted uniform can have its downsides. For example, the astonishingly handsome mercenary that was hired to kill me that is currently staring me down the scope of his very shiny and very new sniper rifle could be considered one of those downsides to being the goody toe shoes that I am. Then again, I probably should consider myself lucky to be targeted by the greatest, most handsome, classically funny and overall dream boat that is Deadpool. Oh how lucky to be me, that Deadpool, the original wearer of the red suit, to be training the cross hairs of his scope directly between my eyes. I will have to thank him when this is all over for unaliving me and collecting a fat stack of fresh dollar bills.

I am you and I even think you talk too much.

I am actually going to have to agree with White Box on this, since when did we start getting into monologue-ing.

"Is it really considered a monologue if 1.) It's in our head and 2.) It's not followed up by maniacal laughter?" Deadpool chuckled at his own very bad joke, as he swung his legs back and forth hitting the side of the building he was sitting on.

It's pretty close, we might as well fully commit to the evil villain tropes and just rip the band aid off now, we are already halfway there.

And you know we don't do anything half assed!

Deadpool stared down at the super spider through the scope of his rifle, spidey was giving directions to what could only be described as the sweetest old lady he had probably ever seen. The cross hairs of the scope trained on the point between spideys eyes, he watched as the spider pointed from the map the elderly women held down the street, gesturing to the right. The old woman gave him a great big hug as a thank you and started on her way. Spidey turned to leave and Deadpool let the scope fall below his waist.

"How in the ever loving world does he get that ass in those tights?" Deadpool said as he stared through the scope and the posterior of the friendliest spider you'll ever meet. "My ass is nothing to write home about but damn does it take awhile to get these sweet buns into this leather oven."

That ass is definitely something to write ma' about, if we had a ma'. Do you think she would want to hear about Spider-Man's voluptuous ass?

Oh definitely! She is our ma' after all.

"Snap out of it Deadpool," he said as he snapped the scope up and off of Spider-Man's ass and trained it on the back of his head. "A little professionalism, please? We were hired to kill this fine ass super dude and the money we get on this hit will buy us all the fine asses we want."

Does that mean, what I think it means?!

Hell yes it does! We are totally getting a donkey!

Deadpool watched through the scope of his rifle as Spider-Man thwip-ed a web up towards a building he was standing next too. He lept high into the air and continued a steady paced swing down the street right towards where Deadpool sat training his gun on Spider-Man. He was halfway between where he had helped the old lady and where Deadpool sat whistling contently the Brittany Spears song Toxic. Deadpool's finger squeezed slowly down on the trigger applying a fine amount of pressure as he moved the gun up and down falling into the rhythm of Spider-Man's swings.