Everything is Red

Chapter 30 - Date Night Part Five (Well, That's Just Tragic!)

It had been a very long time since Wade had earnestly had a good laugh with someone other than the annoying voices in his head.  Wade was very well known for never taking anything too seriously and finding a good laugh out of anything and he meant anything but this had always been more of a coping mechanism for him.   

However, this moment right now was honest and meaningful to Wade, the two masked heroes sat on top of the hill in the slightly damp grass looking down at the carnival below. Peter was chuckling at his own assessment about a couple, that was walking hand in hand very awkwardly, that this was definitely their first date. Each was shyly turned away from the other besides when they would stumble over their words looking at each other with shy glances and never looking at each other in the eyes.

It was actually quite wholesome and sweet to Wade; it reminded him of his first date with Vanessa and with that thought in his mind Peter's voice grew distant. Wade's unconscious smile parted into a sigh as he thought back to the first night he had spent with her, this was before cancer and before the mutated superhero powers he was now permanently stuck with. 

Vanessa was the first woman he had ever earnestly loved, she saw him, like she really saw him, for who he was and what he wanted to be and she was content just being by his side.  Wade, of course, felt the same about her the little moments they shared together were everything he had ever wanted and the way she cared for him without any pretense sent Wade to the deep end of the love pool. Falling never felt so easy to Wade, he was happy to succumb and give her everything and anything she wanted. 

Vanessa was everything to Wade, a life growing old with her didn't seem like such a bad deal to strike up with the big man upstairs. Wade would pray to whoever was up in that vast sky or whoever it was that would listen to his pleas to just give him another day with her, to let him see another smile from her, to let her gentle hand run through his hair one more time, to just let him have another moment with her, just one more.

The response he received however was a massive kick to the gonads; cancer.  Wade was going to die and it destroyed her more than it did him. Wade had always been prepared to die every time he was sent on another mission or was working as a mercenary for hire but he never had anyone he would be leaving behind.  Now there was someone who would suffer from his untimely departure. 

So Wade became desperate, one crazy scientist later and some wild torture later, boom superpowers and the rest was history, he was no longer going anywhere, ever. However, what little looks he had all went bye-bye with his newfound abilities, after quite the struggle he reconnected with Vanessa and hoped that things would just go back to the way things were before the change. 

What wishful thinking that was on his part.   All the doubts he had in his mind about himself were now all front and center for him to try and overcome every day.  The strain of knowing he would not age the same as Vanessa and that when her time did come he wouldn't be able to go with her weighed heavily on his heart. Still, he tried, he really tried.   Wade pushed off those feelings for another day.

Wade should have known that the day would come when all those feelings would come rushing back like an avalanche. After two years of postponing his self-destructive tendencies they finally all erupted in one climactic fucking splendor to behold.  It was the kind of shit storm only he could create for himself and it was quite morbidly poetic and cliche.      

"I think we need to end this," Wade said to the woman lying next to him, his arms resting under his head propping it up. Staring blankly at the fan that hung from their ceiling, desperately holding back the quiver in his voice that would surely give him away.

With a grumble she rose from the bed, "Wade I'm not in the mood for your fucking jokes, what are you talking about darling?"

Wade glanced up at the beautiful form of the woman he loved, her hair softly hung by her face silhouetting it perfectly the moonlight gently highlighting her face. "I mean exactly what I said, I think we should just end things here."

"What are we ending and why are we ending it?"

"Us."

"Wade..." She warned softly.

"Listen, this just isn't working out, you are human and I'm well...I'm this. How are we going to make this work? The answer is we can't."

"Wade I've told you a thousand times now that I love you for who you are and none of what happened to you matters to me and I will continue to tell you this until the day I die. I just want to be with you." She gently touched his chest and Wade knew he would melt under that touch so he moved out of the bed, quickly getting to his feet. The confusion was very clearly written all over her face.

"Well, it won't work for me." This was what was best for both of them, Wade thought to hold his resolve.  He would always regret holding her back from a normal life and she would always resent him for keeping her from the family she always wanted. Wade was worse than garbage, the things he had done in his past and even now he knew that karma would one day come to claim him and the aftermath of that karma would also destroy anyone close to Wade. In all reality, he didn't deserve her love and he very clearly saw that.

"Wade listen, come to bed we can talk about this in the morning. You're not thinking clearly you always get in a mood when you don't get enough sleep." The desperation in her voice a little more evident to Wade now but he had already made up his mind. Wade knew that if he gave in again to her that he would drag her down again for another couple of months before he worked up the courage to try again.

"No, Vanessa, I'm thinking very clearly right now. I won't be the one to keep you from the family you want and I won't be the reason you can't grow old with the person you love."

"Wade!" She snapped, "I've always only told you the truth, you are all I've wanted, and all I will ever want. We've figured everything else out, we can figure this out together too."

Wade shook his head, trying to shake the doubts from his own mind.   Wade all but rushed to the front door, he needed to getaway. Grabbing his hoodie off the couch on his way to the front door, he threw it on and put the hoodie up and onto his head. Vanessa was quick to jump out of bed and place her hand heavily against the door as Wade began to unlock it.

"No Wade!" Vanessa was desperate now the wavering in her voice made it very evident she was close to tears. "You aren't leaving like that, we need to talk this out and then you'll understand you're just not thinking straight right now."

Wade could feel himself wavering at the thought of her crying because of something he was doing.  With that thought something in him snapped, he needed to escape; he didn't care how he just needed to getaway. Right now! "Vanessa!" Wade yelled, causing her to jump a little, as she stared up at him.  Even though the apartment was dark he could see the moon reflecting off of her watery eyes that were like glass staring up at him and his heart ached. "I don't love you anymore, it's that simple." Lie.

Shocked for what seemed like an eternity to Wade, she stared at him with furrowed brows trying to hold back the tears that were creeping up. She was choking back something she wanted to say but it seemed like she couldn't get out whatever she wanted to say. With that he opened the door quickly and stepped across that threshold, he could hear her choke out. "Wade, I need you." And his foolish heart broke as he walked away from that apartment and the only person he had ever loved for the last time.

Wade would never see Vanessa alive again after that night, he ended up walking the entire night through the streets crying his eyes out until there was nothing left. Wade would get a hotel for the entire week, never leaving the room until the television flashed a picture of Vanessa across it and his whole world would come crashing down on top of him.  Vanessa had gone out looking for him that night and ran into the wrong group of men. They killed her that night. Wade's life spiraled out of control that day and after hunting those men down he spent the next few years trying to find ways to end his own life to be with her again. Each one was less effective than the last and those six years wouldn't release him from his regrets as he wandered through life looking for a purpose. Killing seemed to be the only answer to him so he fell back into his same old routine, telling himself he would never feel again.

"Wade?" 

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Oh hey, everyone guess what?! I'm back :)