Rest In Peace (sequel to After They Died)

4- Chloe

"How are you feeling today, Chloe?"

Ugh, not this again. She acts like I'm going to actually tell her how I feel, but why would I pour my heart out to some stranger trying to examine my brain?

"Fine."
"Ah, but Chloe, I know you're not and that is why you're here." She smiles smugly at me.
"Well I'm not quite sure why I am coming as I'm clearly fine!"
"Chloe, it's ok to not be ok." I swear she must be reading the quotes off of something. Nobody can know this many motivational quotes off by heart.
"I know."
"You need to talk, a problem shared is a problem halved." Again with the sappy quotes? Seriously, she's doing my head in!
"Well there is no problem, so I'm wasting your time."
"Ah, but there is no such thing as a waste of time! Time is only spent not wasted."
"Just shut up with your stupid quotes!"
She gasps before quickly regaining composure. "I know that you're hurting, but you simply can't take it out on other people who are only trying to help." She seriously irritates me.

Later, I'm sitting in my favourite armchair reading by the fire in the common room when a girl called Bianca walks in and interrupts my peace.

"Excuse me, but I want the common room to myself as my friends and I were planning a sleepover." She says the words nicely enough but I can see the malice behind them. What she was clearly trying to say was "Get out, now. Me and my friends are superior to the likes of you."

Taking the hint, I walk out but she sticks her leg out, making me trip.

She giggles as I tumble to the floor, humiliated. I flush red profusely and stumble hurriedly out of the room. Bianca has always hated me, I'm used to it now, but that doesn't mean I enjoy her tormenting me.

Bianca may be nasty, but the teachers don't see that- she doesn't let them. She gets on with her work in lessons, only making subtle digs at me when the teacher has their back turned. She is very smart and ensures her work is done to the best standard possible, especially homework. Not that she does it. She makes me spend hours on end writing out her essays and matching her meticulous calligraphy perfectly. She also enjoys the traditional sports such as Lacrosse and Equestrian sports - she keeps her horses in the stables here. And yes, I did say horses, plural. Princess and Angel are her two Shetland Ponies with glossing coats and gleaming manes. All teachers love dear Bianca, the model student. Quite literally as she is indeed a model. I know, typical snobby rich kid, right? Wrong, she's like nobody you'll have met before. Sweet, loving and intelligent; nasty, cold hearted and manipulative.

Jessie sees me as I'm running out of there towards our room. "Woah, slow down, Chlo. What's up?"
"Nothing." I mumble.
"Bianca?" I don't respond.
"That bitch, I swear to god I'm gonna kill her!"
"Jessie wait!" I call, but she's already gone.

This will just make everything worse. It always does. She doesn't get it. Rachel always understood. I really miss her and how she could always cheer me up.

One thing I didn't get about Rachel was that she never cried- well, very rarely anyway. I'd just be there sobbing about my break ups or girls being nasty but she would never appear upset about anything. She went through so much shit in her life: her parents dying, Jeanette bullying her, Freddie being downright horrible to her. But never once did she cry.

I used to think it was because she was tough or brave. Now, I realise that she was numb with pain. She knew that if she confided in anyone or showed any sign of weakness, people wouldn't understand how she was feeling. And if she ever started crying about one thing, she wouldn't be able to stop.

For the millionth time since she died, I wish that she was here, next to me, telling me not to let Bianca get to me. I want to take her advice, but I honestly don't know how to. Rachel could just shut away all of her feelings; I'm too weak.

I walk into the room I share with Jessie. I really like it in here, we got lucky with one of the bigger rooms.

Two single beds sit in the centre of the room topped with throws and cushions galore. We have identical white cupboards and a set of drawers each along with two desks.

I love my desk, it may sound nerdy but it's so organised and immaculate that it satisfies me. A noticeboard hangs overhead and I have a swivel chair underneath. I have hundreds of revision guides and text books, not forgetting my actual work books on top of all that. A fat wad of sticky notes sits next to my array of pastel highlighters and the tidiness is comforting.

We have a window seat which I like to sit in late at night while reading a book or daydreaming aimlessly until I eventually doze off. I like to hide behind the velvet curtains, it feels like I'm completely closed off from the world and I don't have to pretend to be ok anymore.

Jessie's half of the room is less immaculate. She has tattered posters plastered all over the walls and sports clothes scattered across the floor. Her desk has piles of overdue homework strewn haphazardly and her suitcase is still only half unpacked! I don't know how she doesn't go insane with all of this clutter!