Trầm Cảm Và Những Thứ Tệ Hại Xung Quanh

FUCK OFF !

Life sucks.

I need to get this out of my system before I suffocate because of it.

I got into a fight with my mom through messages the other day. The fight was about how constants of her to bring up my dad everytime we argue. "You sound like your dad" - she said. "You act like your dad" - she said. "You are way too over your head, like your dad." - she said. "Your dad is arrogant and you are too" - she said.

Never in my life, I see myself as an arrogant person or perhaps, I might be wrong. But the fact that my dad has never been there for almost fucking 19 years of my fucking life, pissed me off. The fact that my mom, who knows this better than anyone else, have to bring him up in every conversations. It's fucked up !

I hate her for it. I hate every word she wrote, every sentence she said that has "your dad" in it. Why would you do something like that to your fucking child ? When you obviously know how traumatized and how hateful your child is towards their father ?

Life sucks.

I can't sleep properly. I can't eat properly because I constantly think of all the times where my own fucking mother, told me that I look like my dad - a beast. That I look hideous or fat like a pig. She seems like she doesn't mean it, at all. But, it fucking hurts. IT FUCKING HURTS !

Life sucks when I tried to confronted her, she dodged. She, fucking, dodged. "Fine, K." - she said. "Alright, fine." - she said. She doesn't realize what she'd done has, are and will bring me pain and self-hate for the rest of my existence.

Life sucks when you can't trust your own mother for your thoughts and feelings.

Life sucks when your own mother destroy the last bit of happiness in you.

Life sucks when you can't hate her for it nor forgive her.