Southpark Stick Of Heros

Chapter 11

~ 11:56 p.m ~

I'm waiting outside Raisins, as that's where me and Captain Diabetes are supposed to meet. Coon said it'd 'be too suspicious' if one of us got to the Strip Club earlier then the other because we'd be just standing there waiting.

I'm texting Chaos as I wait for the Captain.

C- The heros are questioning me about your identity.

S- Well tell them you don't know, cause that's the truth.

C- I have been, but they don't believe me. Except Mysterion. He doesn't care.

S- Then talk with him instead.

C- I'll do that. How's the mission so far?

S- Hasn't started yet. The captain is late.

C- Well hang in there! Oh hamburgers. I got to go! The heros are starting a meeting.

S- Alright. See you in a bit.

I finish texting and look up to see Captain Diabetes heading my way. I wave, he glares. I shrug.

He walks right up to me. "Are you ready?" He asks.

I nod and walk with him to the front of the Peppermint Hippo. "What's the plan?" I say in a deep voice "and we're trying to find a woman with a dick tattoo, right?"

"I'm not sure what the plan is... But we're trying to find a Stripper, as you said, with a dick tattoo." He replies.

I look at him with a 'well duh' look, but shrug it off. We enter the building. I look around while the Captain talks to the security guy.

"Hey, beat it kids. Twenty-one and over only." Security guy says.

"Stand aside, citizen! It is I, Captain Diabetes! I must speak with the ladies inside." The Captain replies.

"Get outta here before I fuckin' throw you out." Security guy threatens.

The Captain grabs my arm and we head out. "Now what?" Captain asks as he let's go of my arm.

I glare at him. "You really thought that'd work?"

He shrugs and goes back to thinking. I walk to the side of the building. Maybe there's an open window. "As if-" I start saying as I look and see an open window. I just stop. "Really?"

Captain Diabetes heard me and walks over. "What happened?"

"An open window happened." I say as I point to it.

He looks and smiles. We walk over to it. "Now how do we get in?" I ask.

"With the power of Diabetes!" The captain says as he drinks some apple juice.

He grabs the bottom of the telephone and somehow gets the strength to tip it over. Afterwards, he starts breathing hard. He grabs insulin off his strap and inserts the needle. Then he stabs it into his side.

His heavy breathing lightens up. I grab his shoulder to make sure he's OK. He looks at me with barely visible pink cheeks, and as soon as it appeared it disappeared. I take my hand off his shoulder.

He leads the way up the telephone pole and through the window. When I hit the floor I look at the only guy in there. He's drunk and missing the toilet. Of course it's a bathroom.

I look up the walls. They're disgusting. I look at the ceiling and see a filled condom. 'Ew' is all i could think.

The Captain and I exit the bathroom. "It'll go faster if we split up." Captain Diabetes says as he wanders off.

I shrug and walk up to a Stripper that's serving drinks. "Hello." I say.

"Aren't ya too young to be here?" She says as she walks off.

I glare, but ignore it and walk up to a couple of men sitting down having lap dances. "Excuse me," I start "Have any of you been served by a Stripper with a dick tattoo?"

They all look at me with confused drunken faces then go back to their lap dances. 'Assholes.'

I walk off and talk to a couple of other people before finding the Captain again. "Find anything?" I ask.

"Yes. We're looking for a girl named Classi. Classi, with an I, and a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of the A S S, but we need to get her out here." He says.

"Now it's time for Esmerelda! This girl's from texas, her favorite color is purple, and she's wildest girl in the west." The dj says over the speaker.

A lightbulb goes off in the Captains head. "The DJ tells when the ladies come out! We should make him a really gross drink to get him away from the speaker, then get Classi out here!" He says.

I think about it for a moment then nod. "You get the alcohol, and something gross. I'll go get something gross too." I tell him as I run off.

I head back towards the bathroom to get that condom. That's gross enough right?

I enter the bathroom, and look up at the condom. 'Now how to get it down...'

I look at the man who was there when we got here. "Excuse me sir?"

He looks at me confused. "Wh- Whaz du u ned" he slurs.

"Can you hand me that condom that's stuck to the roof?" I ask.

He looks at me grossed out, but complies. I grab it from him and exit.

After a second of looking, I spot the Captain looking for me. I walk up to him. "What'd you find?" He asks.

"A condom filled with," I look at it and continue answering "Boogers and Cum. You?"

"I found an alcoholic beverage and rat shit." He replies.

He puts the rat shit into the alcohol. Then I pour the Boogers and Cum in.

We look at each other and nod. Then we head towards the DJs area.

When we make it I hand the DJ the drink. "Finally! Someone buys the DJ a drink!" He says as he chugged the whole thing down.

"That went down smooth. Pretty tasty might I ad-" his stomach rumbles, "Oh no-" he runs off towards the bathroom to either throw up, or shit.

Captain Diabetes gets behind the mic and starts speaking. "All right guys! Put your hand together for Classi!" He says.

A few seconds go by of silence. "Classi. Classi, with an I, and a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of the A S S." He says again.

Another few seconds goes by before Classi finally comes out. "What's goin' on? I'm not out yet." She says then sees us. "You're not the Dj! Oh fuck! Cops!" She says as she runs off backstage.

We run after her, to the backstage area. We find 2 doors. I try one door, but it won't budge. Locked. The captain and I stood in front of the other door before opening it.

We enter and find the room filled with strippers. "Ladies! Them cops are after me! Stop 'em!" Classi yells to her stripper friends.

This is gonna be a long night.

This was fun to write. Lots of fun.

As I said before, very little will be from the game. I'm changing it up a lot though. Comment your thoughts and ideas! I'd love to hear them!

1211 words