"Still awake?" I asked, stepping out in T's backyard after sleeping a few hours to sober up.
"Yeah.." China sighed, a lit blunt in her hand. "It's like 2AM. I know."
"Hey, who am I to judge?" I said, yawning and stretching, sitting down next to her on the outside sofa. "Something on your mind?"
"Not really." she said. "Just not sleepy enough I guess."
"It's like that for me sometimes too." I said, looking at her. "Sometimes I don't even know what's weighing my mind down. I just know that something is."
"Yeah it's something like that, pookie." she said.
"Pookie?" I questioned, laughing. "Haven't called me that since we broke up."
"And so what if we are?" she questioned. "You're still my pookie, my baby, my best friend, my every thing."
"You're high." I laughed.
"Maybe I am." she said back. "Wanna hit it?"
"Damn and you gonna let me hit it too?" I questioned.
"You know what I meant." she said, rolling her eyes.
"I'm just fucking with you." I said, taking the blunt of her. "But how have you been, Chi?"
"Don't act like you don't know." she laughed. "We haven't stopped talking. At all. Not even for a second."
"I mean I don't know what you're up to when we're not FaceTiming." I said.
"Yes you do because I tell you." she said.
"Damn, I'm just trying to make conversation with your high ass." I said, coughing a little bit.
China has been weighing on my mind, heavily since we broke up, but I'm working on moving on. I haven't had the courage yet to change my lock screen.
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Nor my home screen.
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Her contact name is still "Baby😘😩😝" in my phone, but of course she doesn't know that. I haven't deleted any of our old conversation, our public photos, or our private ones. I'm keeping our memories, for the good days and for the bad ones.
"I know. I know." she sighed.
"What's aching you, chocolate drop?" I questioned.
"Oh so you're pulling the nickname out too?" she questioned, raising her eyebrow as I gave the blunt back to her.
"If you can, why can't I?" I questioned.
"Valid point." she said. "But nothing is really aching me, pookie." She scooted closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder. "My body is just not ready to go to sleep, I guess."
"Well I'll stay out here with you until your body is ready." I said. "Sometimes all you need is just a little company."
"You don't gotta do that, Cam." she said.
"I know, I don't." I said. "But I want to. I care about you."
"Still the sweet old Cameron I fell in love with, huh?" she asked.
"Since when have I ever changed?" I asked back.
I haven't even tried to get with anyone else since we broke up. It's not that I didn't want to, I don't know, our break up is still fresh to me. We shared so many great memories, so many bad ones. I'm clinging onto them. Within 15 minutes of resting her head on my shoulder, she began dozing off.
"Okay." I laughed. "I think it's time for bed." I took the blunt out of her hand, putting it out and handing it back to her. "See? Sometimes all you need is a little company."
"Shut up." she said. "All I needed was a few minutes."
"You can't deny what the body wants, when it wants it." I said.
"The body wants to punch you." she said.
"Heyyy, come onnnn." I said, opening the back door for her. "I came out here with the intention of smoking my own blunt." I took it out my pocket to show her. "But kept you company instead. Now I'm a little buzzed off yours and just want you to be nice to me."
"Learn to play around, pookie." she said as we walked up the stairs.
"Playing around is what got us together remember?" I asked, running my hands through my hair as we stood in the door frame of her guest room.
"I can't stand you, Cameron." she said.
"I can't stand you either." I said, smiling at her, staring deeply into her eyes.
"Well." she began. "This is Goodnight, huh?"
"I'd like to think that it is." I yawned. "So, Goodnight."
"Goodnight." she said back. "I lo-. Love you, kid."
"Love you too." I smirked, hands in the pocket of my sweats. I turned to walk away, just wanting to lay my head on my pillow and knock, when China called out to me.
"Hey." she said, walking up behind me.
"Yeah?" I answered, turning around, only for her to grab both sides of my face and pull me in for a kiss. It caught me off guard at first, but I ended up kissing her back.
"I love you.." she said, out of breath.
"I..I...I love you too." I said back, really lost for words at what just happened.
"Night, Cam." she said, walking back into her room.
"Night, Chi." I said, turning back around to continue making my way to my room. I took my sweats off, sitting down on my bed. Did that really just happen? No, I must be dreaming. She didn't mean that did she? No, we're both high right now. It was an accident, probably won't even remember it in the morning. I sighed, finally laying all the way down, the thoughts that were already on my mind, weighing me down even further.
I said I was in the process of moving on, and with this unclarity due to our status of somewhat intoxicated, just got a whole lot harder. I wanted to get up so bad, bust into her room and ask her if she meant it, but that was the last thing the both of us needed at this moment. Maybe I should just let it go, maybe I shouldn't. I don't know.
