Homebound (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 23

"What does your tattoo mean?" I ask Javi the next morning as we're laying in bed. My finger finds the black ink on his sternum and starts to brush over the letters and the cross held over the words. He glances down at how my fingers move over the tattoo before smiling slightly.

"'Firme y fuerte'," he whispers, repeating the words that're written on his skin. "firm and strong. I got it after I got out of rehab the first time. It reminds me that God has a plan for me, so I just have to stay here to see it through."

I smile before nodding my head, continuing to run my finger over his sternum. I glance up a bit to see the silver cross that hangs around his neck, already familiar with it since I've never seen him without it. I'm not personally a religious person by any means. I mean, I went to Church every once and a while with Andrew and Rebecca, but nothing too extreme. But I like that it seems that Javi has a close relationship with God and I'm assuming it's because of everything that he's been through. "Have you always been spiritual?"

Javi holds his hand up and shakes it to say that it's so-so. "I guess I could say yes. Lita and Lito always took me to Church on Sunday and we would sometimes go on other days, depending on the week. But when Lito died and Lita got sick and I moved back in with my mom, it stopped. I didn't really talk to God much from 15 to 21 and I think that really showed."

I lift my head to get a better look at him before leaning on his chest to be face-to-face. I watch him for a few minutes while my hand plays with the cross necklace laying across his neck. "And what about now?"

"Uh," he says with a sigh. "I pray a lot. Every time I go to an NA meeting, I usually go to Church afterward to think and whatnot. I feel much better now. I feel closer to God."

I smile down at him, happy that he feels better now that he's gotten that relationship that he's probably always wanted. From what I've seen and heard from him, spirituality means a lot to him and he has a very high priority on it. I wouldn't be shocked if he thinks of his relationship to God the most important in his life. I reach down and run my fingers over his tattoo again, smiling at the black ink that he holds close to his heart – figuratively and literally. "I like it a lot."

"Yeah," he whispers, glancing down at the tattoo. "it hurt like a bitch, but I guess it was worth it."

I chuckle before nodding my head, replacing my fingers with my head to rest against his chest. We sit in silence for a few more minutes before a thought pops into my head, making me turn to look at him. When he sees me staring, he raises his eyebrows in question. "You've never talked to me about your dad."

Javi nods his head before scooting further down onto the bed to stare up at the ceiling. "Well, there's not much to talk about. I don't know who he is and I never really want to."

"You don't know who he is?"

"Nope, my mom never told anyone. I don't really think she even knew who he was. Maybe she had some idea, but I've always assumed it was some client she fucked. But if she did know, she took it to the grave," he tells me with a shrug.

I give him a confused look. "You don't want to know who your father is?"

Javi lets out a bitter chuckle before shaking his head. He glances at me before giving me the most serious look I've ever seen on him. Deep in his eyes, I can see the bitterness and annoyance that he seems to be acquainted with. "Would you want to know who your father is if you think he's a man that paid your mother to fuck her?"

Realization sets in and I shake my head at his question. I guess I wouldn't want to know either if that was the case, but at the same time, wouldn't you want to know who you came from? But... if Javi's father also did hire her to fuck her, I guess that would kinda mess with your head if you met the guy. I can't even imagine how that would go down and I never want to. "I guess not."