Homebound (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 32

Waking up the morning after day one of the trial isn't a good feeling. Even if I'm cuddled with Javi, his arms wrapped around me in a tight grip, I still don't feel great. I don't want to go to court today and hear even more things like this, but I know I have to. Even if I sit outside the courtroom all day, I have to go and know things as soon as they happen.

When Lukas came to the hotel after testifying, he told me that he saw Aunt Maddie testify where she confirmed her story and they showed the picture she took on her phone. He said that it was a low definition picture that showed a wound with two holes in it and that confirms the memory I had yesterday and even confirms the tiniest scar that I still have from it. I never knew what the scar was from.

Andrew and Rebecca had told me years ago that I fell onto an outlet and it caused a scar, but now that I know, it makes me hate it even more. As soon as I relayed that information to Javi and Lukas, I cried. And cried. And cried. Until it was time to sleep and I passed out with Javi and Lukas holding me. At some point, Lukas must've moved to the other bed because now, it's just my boyfriend and me.

I don't know why Lukas was being so nice and allowing the two of us to sleep in a bed together, but I didn't care. I was just grateful for it.

"How're you feeling?" Javi interrupts my thoughts, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I just shake my head, not feeling up to conversing yet. I lift my head slightly when Lukas walks out of the bathroom after his shower, already dressed in his dress pants and ironed shirt. When he sees me looking at him, he gives me a small smile, coming over to the bed. He sits on the edge and runs his hand through my hair, glancing at Javi for a second.

"Do you still want to go today?" He asks me for the fourth time since I've woken up.

I nod my head in response.

"Are you sure? Detective Heath testifies today and afterward, she plans to sit in the courtroom and listen to everything. She can tell us what's happening and we can stay here and relax for the day," he whispers, glancing up at Javi, who nods down at me to tell me that that's okay.

I just shake my head, turning in the bed so my head settles on Javi's chest. From the pat on the back that Lukas gives me, he seems to understand that I don't want to talk and that's definitely something that I don't want to do.

"Okay, I'm going to go get us coffee. I'll be back," he says before grabbing the car keys and leaving the hotel room. Once he's gone, Javi puts his finger under my chin and lifts my head to look at him. When our eyes meet, I see the sadness in his and it makes my heartache at the sight.

"Tell me what you need," he whispers. "anything you need, I'll do my best to do it for you."

I shrug my shoulders, turning my head to look at the comforter that's laying over us. I open my mouth to say something, but I close it when no thoughts enter my mind. What could he do to help? "I... I don't know. I wish you could help, but... I don't know."

"Okay," he whispers, tracing my lips with his finger. "but I'm here. Every step of the way, I'll be here. I know this is so hard and-"

"I'm here for you too," I interrupt him without a moment's hesitation, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to hold him closer. He gives me a confused look, opening his mouth to say something but I beat him to it. "I know you're still grieving and I know the trial is bad timing and I know that you're not 100 percent yet, so I'm here. We can be there for each other because it's hard right now, so... just know that."

He smiles, his lip quivering to tell me that he's close to crying. I don't hesitate to pull him down until his lips are placed on top of mine. I give him as much as I can in this kiss to convey the love and respect that I feel for him because even if I want to say those three words to him, I can't right now. Not when I'm in such a bad headspace. I don't want this to be the memory I'll always have of telling him I love him for the first time.