Homebound (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 19

"So you had fun?" Javi asks as we drive back home after being gone all day. We spent most of the time hanging out with Alvaro and Cat, who really are the typical siblings that bicker 24/7. Even though the house was pretty crowded and Javi's family can be a little crazy, getting away from my own life was what I needed right now.

"I had a lot of fun. Thank you... for bringing me with," I tell him, tightening my grip on his hand that's settled against my thigh while his other focuses on driving. He gives me a small smile before tapping my leg lightly.

"Of course," he whispers. After that, we sit in silence as we get closer and my leg starts to bounce up-and-down against the floor of the car. Javi's hand reaches over to settle on my knee that's shaking and I look over at him to see that he's glancing between the road and me in worry. "everything's going to be okay. You know that, right?"

"He hates me, Javi. Jackson hates me and-"

"No," Javi says fiercely, gripping my knee tightly between his index finger and thumb. "he does not hate you. He's scared and-"

"I get that!" I yell, my mood changing within a matter of seconds. That seems to shock Javi because he freezes in his seat before putting his turn signal on and parking against a curb that's close to us. When the car is parked, I turn in my seat to look at him. "I know that he's scared and I get that, Javi, but I'm scared too! I'm absolutely terrified because I'm away from the family I grew up with and I'm in an entirely new place! And now, I have to focus on getting some kid that's supposed to be my brother to like me when I shouldn't have to deal with that and-"

"I know," Javi interrupts me in a soft, guilt-ridden voice. When he tries to reach for me, I back up completely against the car door and shake my head at him. He instantly takes his hands back and places them in his lap before nodding. "I know. You're right. I'm sorry. You don't have to make him like you, okay? All you have to do is be okay with each other and if I have to, I'll talk to him and-"

"No," I interrupt him, squeezing my eyes shut so I don't have to look at his face. "no, I'm not asking you to get involved. I don't... I don't need your help. I just need to know what to do and how to handle this because I'm overwhelmed and stressed and anxious about everything, Javi. I'm just so... so..."

"Tired," he answers for me in that same soft voice. My eyes shoot open to look at him before nodding in agreement because I'm exhausted. I'm beyond overworked with everything going on and even though today helped get my mind off things, this whole situation has been at the back of my head the entire time. Jackson, Wynter, Liza, Lukas, and Paige have been in my head all damn day and I can't get them out of it.

I lean forward and place my head in his lap with a long sigh as I allow myself to collapse. If someone were to look in right now, we definitely wouldn't look the most appropriate, but I didn't care. Because I can promise anyone that sees us that I'm not giving my boyfriend a blowjob right now and instead having a mental breakdown.

Javi's hands run through my hair in a soothing gesture while I nod my head. "I'm so tired, Javi. I want everything to be normal and I want to be able to call Lukas and Paige 'Mom' and 'Dad' and think of Wynter as my twin sister and think of Liza and Jackson as my siblings and just be happy, but I don't know how to."

"And that's okay," he whispers, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the back of my neck. "it's going to take some time for you to adapt to this life. You haven't been here long, so no one expects you to feel normal, so you shouldn't be expecting yourself to either. You're working through this with Melanie, right?" I nod my head against his thigh. "Okay, well, then she'll say the exact same thing I'm saying. This is an adjustment and it will take a long time for you to feel normal and be happy here, so don't worry about what you want to feel and focus on what you are."