Keep my Secret (pearlmethyst fanfic)

A/N i had a bad day ;-;

Not a chapter sorry.

I'm not really in the mood of writing today but my therapist told me to write out my feelings so I'm gonna rant about some stuff that is happening today. It hasn't been a great day today. I actually don't know if anybody cares about me or about anything I'm about to say, but I'm gonna throw it out here because I seriously need to right now. I actually might update this story based on a song I'm listening to right now because my math teacher turned it on in class and I literally cried, so there ya go man. 

So this morning went pretty good. Spent some time talking to my mom and dad with my dogs and we were waiting for my bus to show up in my front yard.

And then I got on the bus and my day pretty much derailed from there.

So the kids on my bus are all buttholes and I hate all of them. They're full of s&#t. 

So this morning I was in a pretty good mood. 

And then the d#cks on my bus started making fun of me. 

Being completely honest in this godawful world, my emotions are really unstable because ever since daycare people were really awful towards me and it seriously messed me up. I've tried cutting and also killing myself, it messed me up so bad.

I honestly thought something was wrong with me and that I probably needed a doctor or something to fix me. 

So as is turns out, a fun fact about me is that I was born with Autism.

So please don't go shouting out s#&t stereotypes about people with Autism because I will probably cry.

So I got to school and I had left yesterday and went home in the middle of tennis, so I had left my racket outside. And guess what?

It wasn't there today.

I had to borrow one of my coach's rackets to play.

Then I had to exercise a bunch because we played a game where people became "king" and got to make you do stuff.

So not a great day and that was only my morning.

In my English class I was silent the whole two periods. I barely said a single word the entire time.

Then there was Choir which made me feel a little better cuz Choir's almost always fun. We went over a fundraiser and the person doing it was funny.

Then we had lunch and my mom had dropped me off lunch money and left a note in the envelope with the money and I almost cried cuz it was so sweet. I love my mom she's a perfect human being.

So then we had History and that was fun cuz I got to make a cute little magazine article.

6th period was boring.

Then Science. That's when I pretty much died inside for the day.

We were working on a digestive system project and I wasn't feeling too good already- I was on edge and stuff y'know?

So then my friend asked me what was wrong and I told her I wasn't feeling very good about myself and she just sighed exhaustedly and rolled her eyes a little.

And then she said "come on dude stop doing that crap im tired of it and I don't wanna hear about this"

Like wtf?? Why so rude man? Not my fault I hate myself and im depressed!!

So I pulled out the note and wrote next to some of the stuff my mom wrote on it.

I wrote this: 

               "I don't feel very loved right now

                 My day hasn't been so fantastic

                 I feel like if I sing right now I'll BREAK

                 I'm sorry"

It was really sad tbh I cried a little.

Then I asked my teacher if I could go to the restroom and before she let me she asked me if I was ok.

I lied and said yeah and the asked me if I was sure and I said yeah again.

Y'know, like a liar.

So she let me go to restroom and I almost cried again but there was a custodian there and I was too awkward with someone else there to cry on the toilet or in the corner.

I came back and when I got there my friends were done with our project.

And then the same friend just said "you didn't do anything to help at all"

1. yes I did you're a liar

2. im having a bad day man, quit making it worse

But I didn't say anything and we just went to Math class.

I went inside and sat down looking depressed I guess cuz my teacher called me and brought me outside and literally asked me if I was ok.

I told her about how I was feeling and how I was having a bad day and she asked me if there was anything she could do to help because she's also an angel.

And then she turned on a song that hit me so hard I cried about how much I related.

I'm pretty sure she turned it on specifically because she knew I'd relate.

So then I got on the bus feeling slightly better.

And people were a-holes to me again.

But what else is new y'know?

So I got off the bus really fast and went inside and called my mom to see if I could use her laptop to write this.

She said yes but only after I tidied the main rooms and she said to get my sister to help too.

So I told her and she paused her movie and I stole her Skittles so she wouldn't be distracted cuz I knew she'd probably take her precious time eating 6 Skittles and by the time she was done I'd have already finished.

So she got mad at me.

She didn't move or do anything to contribute the cleaning even though I told her to focus.

And then we got into an argument and it ended because she literally screamed at me and slammed her door.

I was stunned so I finished cleaning as she came out of her room.

She really quietly asked me a question and I was mad, in a bad mood, and seriously tired of her bs.

So I told her not to talk to me really harshly.

She asked me why and I just yelled no really loudly and slammed my door shut.

And here we are.

So there's my day today I guess. Sorry for stressing over this on this story.

I just really needed to get it all out. 

Thanks for listening, guys.