Starco:The Rude, Blunt Kid [COMPLETED]

The Rude, Blunt Kid|Numb

C h a p t e r  S i x t e e n

Long Update!

Diaz

"I guess Star's out there on a playdate," I say to no one in particular while I take a seat on the iconic bench that seems like my daily routine.

Well, it's quite lonely yet the weather is nice at this time of day. It also doesn't help that it's so quiet and no one's there to remind me of my failure as a person. Ha, I'm really a loser.

"Marco, mind if I take a seat?" the certain voice alone makes me stiffen. My heart raises and it deafens me in anxiety. My hands start to sweat and I can't  seem to get ahold of myself.

"W-what-ever," I muttered what my mind said and instantly regretted it for when I finally took a peek, she looked glum but didn't say anything and took a seat beside. "The weather's nice isn't  it, Diaz?"

I slightly nod in response, staring ahead with an intense gaze like I'm about to blast the trees with just my stare alone. "Are you doing well, Marco?"

"Yeah," I replied, trying  to calm myself. "You?"

"I get by," she rocks her feet back and forth. I could feel her scoot closer to me at the same time got a whiff of the perfume she always wore. "---I see you have a new girlfriend, Star Butterfly, right?"

I choke on my own spit, then chuckled as awkward as I could. "No! She's twelve Jackie for freaks sake!"

She gives me a doubtful gaze and sighs. "Who cares? Does it matter if she's twelve, it's not like you're doing something bad."

"Still," I mumble. She timidly laughs. "So does that mean that you're considering dating her? You don't seem against it."

I turn red and glance back to my shoes. "N-no. She's a kid, she's a brat. Yeah, she's loud, rude and disrespectful. She has no regard for other people's feelings, how am I suppose to like her?'

"Or do you want me to become a masochist?" I argue. Jackie smiles. "Marco, you always are bad at expressing your feelings, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask cluelessly and she  shakes her head. "Nevermind, forget what I said."

"You know, Marco," it still feels weird to hear her say my name after a long time that I don't know what to feel.

Should I be happy, angry or hopeless? "I've always wanted to say this to you, but I didn't have the chance to."

"Why so?" I glance at her seriously. She replies. "Because your girlfriend is always there."

"She's not my girlfriend!" I raise my tone a bit then apologized. "--anyway, Marco, I'm sorry."

Something deep inside me throbs. The pain? The wretching pain that isn't healed yet? The pain I'm trying to supress and yet it somehow feels like it's being slowly pierced open. What exactly did she come here for?

"I'm sorry, Diaz. I'm sorry for deceiving you and myself," she smiles sadly and lowers her head in shame. "I-I mislead you in a one-sided relationship."

I clench to my chest, feeling so hurt and expecting for another hurtful words from her. Please, go away. I can't. .bear these words I'm hearing. But I remain silent and let her say hurtful yet truthful words that I should've heard long ago.

"I tried to love you, I did," she explains. "--but I never did."

"I didn't h-have the heart to say no," she croaks and stiffles her tears back. "--how could I say no when I could see your efforts. I didn't want to hurt and embarrass you."

"I thought I would learn to love you somehow," she sobs. "--but no matter how I try and try, I didn't. I couldn't, and I didn't want to lead you deeper, only for you to find out it was nothing but a s-sham."

"The only way I could break it off was to scream painful words that would make you forget me, hate me even," she wipes a tear. I clench at my fist, yet a tear defiantly falls. "Why didn't you tell me from the start? I thought you were happy, yet I-I was j-just a burden to you."

"Why, Jackie?" I chuckle bitterly, if only hearts would bleed from heartache, I would've bleed a ton. "--why are you telling me this now? You could've just said nothing, yet this truth is making me feel like a loser."

"I'm really a fucking loser," I spitefully say. "--a fucking wimp, even for you to pity and lead me into a false fantasy."

"Marco, even so, I was happy," she replies. "--that's one thing I could never lie. Being with you, was fun."

"Yeah," I utter. "--fucking fun. Must be fun pretending like you were in love with me. Why pity me? I'm not a child, Jackie. You don't need to look out for my feelings and think that I'd cry for mommy when I get rejected."

"This is the worst," I try to laugh it off but the ache in my heart can never lie. "--so is that what you're here for? Or do you have something else to say?"

She hesitates, then opens her mouth. "I'm sorry I never told you straight away, but I can't live, knowing that you were deprived to the truth you deserved to know."

"It was better if I never knew," I numbly answer. "--you could've atleast left it at that, yet you come here and make me feel more pathetic for myself."

"I know you're happy with her," she softly says. "--I hope Star will be the one that truly loves you back. From how I see it, she likes you."

I gaze at her with no emotions. I'm too tired at this point to express any emotion. "That doesn't make me feel any better. I don't like Star, she's just a kid."

"She's just that girl that I have to look out for," I explain. "--and she'll never like me. A kid like her deserves someone better than a pathetic trash like me."

"Do you really hate the thought of being with her?"

I shake my head. "What do you know? You don't know her nor me, Thomas."

"Can you just leave me alone?" I plead. "--I just wanna be by myself."

She doesn't say anything but she taps gently on my shoulders and starts to walk, but before she completely does, she says. "I'll do anything to give you the happiness you deserve, just wait and see."

Then the silence starts to come back, but this time it feels comforting. Like a mother's lullaby, the cool wind caressing my skin, the dreary clouds and the isolated park. It feels so relaxing. I stare up ahead the clouds, mindlessly staring and didn't notice the person who sat beside me.

"Are you okay?" she says and I answer but my gaze does not stray away. "No. When has it become okay?"

I could feel her taken aback by my answer, she must've thought I would lie straight through my teeth and pretended that everything was fine. But I wasn't.  I was tired of lying to myself. I didn't have the strength to anymore. I could feel her warm, small, fragile hands held mine and enclosed it. "I understand. You don't need to say anything."

And I didn't. We stayed there in silence, needing no words to understand nor did it feel suffocating. It felt so right, so at peace.

Her hands were warm yet mine was cold. It just showed that simply we're just different at the end of the day.

10-28-19