Jokes, Riddles, and Other Philosophical Insights

Teacher Rant

Mr. Ziolo. Those five syllables make me wanna scream, yell, punch something, stab him, anything! He makes me mad. Ok, so the other day I was reading the Blood of Olympus in his class, right? You know that totally awesome fifth book of the Percy Jackson series? So, anyways he is coming towards me, and so I think, "Oh he's gonna take my book away, that makes sense, totally reasonable." So I bookmarked my page and closed my book. Then he's like, "Thank you," pick the book up, walks to the center of the room, then whips WHIPS my book across the room and it SLAMS into an empty desk in the corner!!! I'm like thinking, "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKINGHELL? Do you WANT to get murdered??" I mean, why couldn't you have just watch those extra five freaking steps over and placed the book gently on the freaking desk!!! So I spent the next five minutes raging silently and fantasizing how I could kill him with a knife: first their throw one into his throat and stake him to the whiteboard so he can't speak, then walk up and take my knife and jab it up under his ribs. We all have these teachers, right? Well that's not the end of it. So then more recently, I was editing my stories in my binder, and he walks up to me, unclip's the rings, and takes the first few pages off of either side of my writing!! Well, first off, NOBODY TOUCHES MY WRITING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH. Well, THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF IT. So, then he's like standing there reading it to make sure it's not a note or some dumb shit, but after a sufficient amount of time, HE'S STILL STANDING THERE READING IT. Get this straight, I don't even let my parents read my stuff, so when he's been standing there for a while, I get annoyed. So, very POLITELY, I raise my hand (one of his rules is "Do not talk unless you raise your hand." Exact wording) and say, "Excuse me, Mr. Ziolo, I would feel more comfortable if you didn't read my stories." He looks up and is like," Oh that's what they are? Stories?" I'm like, "Yes. I was editing them earlier, but I stopped." Not a complete lie, but not the total truth either. I'm good with that, especially since I could to practice with my parents ( 0:) lol ).

Then he says, "Well, you shouldn't have been writing in my class... (pauses) should you have?" We have a silent contest, and then I say all meekly and respectful-sounding to try to get a bit under his skin with impunity, "No, sir." Then he just looks at me for a few seconds then turns away and continues his pacing, and my friend writes to me, "Nice one."

But I have one more. A few days ago, we're just starting class, and he's talking about the agenda and stuff like that, and a guy in my row is passing me his homework because I am the row captain and I noticed something on his map homework is off, so I pointed out to him, but then Mr. Ziolo calls me out and says, "Lucy, can you repeat what I just said?" So again I say "No sir," but- and I don't know if I was just looking for something that wasn't there or whatever- it seemed like the rest of the class here in my face, like when he said, "Some people don't know the map homework was due today because they weren't paying attention," even though I have done the math, and he said other things about listening and shit and basically it felt like he was embarrassing me in front of the class. At one point, he calls on my friend who was asking for another worksheet, and he says, "Yes ma'am... I mean sir." (that's how he addresses us normally) My friend plays it cool, saying, "Close enough," then goes on to ask if he has an extra sheet. Mr. Ziolo says, "They're in the back. Thank you for asking." And I'm pretty much fuming at this point. Then when I noticed my friend needs help filling in his notes worksheet, I turned him with my mouth open, about to help him, then remember and turn around and wait like a minute with my hand raised for Mr. Ziolo to call me, and then he does, and I'm like, "May I please help _____ fill in his notes?" And he says yes, and I turned to my friend and he's like, "Good job, Lucy" (half-jokingly). God, I hate Mr. Ziolo. I feel like he's got it in for me this year.

FURTHERMORE, on April Fool's Day, the week before break, he's all like: "SO... I hear you're going to be bored this break—(me thinking: "Uh, no I'm not! I'm going to NYC to see my relatives and then having a (EPIC) birthday party on Friday and Saturday! I'm certainly not going to be BORED!")—so I'm giving you guys a DBQ essay which is due the Wednesday you get back! This is not an April Fool's joke." BUT IT GETS WORSE!!! Later at the end of class, he's leaning against the wall and considering us. Then he says, "You know, as I look out across the room, I see a class full of handsome young gentlemen and fine ladies, who are all so well behaved— *pauses* April Fool's."

AFTER THAT he does this annoying thing where he pushed dates back, so I did the essay all on Saturday before the end of break right? On Tuesday, he's like, "We're pushing the essay peer review back until Thursday." Then the next day he's all like, " JUST KIDDING the draft will be due NEXT Wednesday and the final will be due that Friday." And I'm like, "WHAT THE F*CK SO YOU'RE SAYING I DID THE WHOLE ESSAY ON BREAK FOR NOTHING?!?!? WHAT THE HELL ZIOLO NOW ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T DO IT ARE LIKE 'Haha that's why I didn't do it." THAT IS SOOO NOT FAIR!!!"