Hearteater | kth

26. Okay

"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter."

"Dear Taehyung, what I'm about to tell you is the hardest thing I've ever had to say. I am so thankful to have met you and will forever cherish the precious memories you have given me. But we can't be together anymore for reasons concerning your safety and wellbeing. What I won't be able to handle was knowing that I've ruined your life and if you're with me that's bound to happen one way or another. So it will be for the best if we part ways now. You're the brightest, most brilliant and precious human being I have ever stumbled upon. I will never forget you."

My gaze dropped to my lap as I stared down at my hands.

"How was it?" I asked, glancing over across the table.

"Not bad. Better than the other twenty attempts," Jimin said, rubbing his chin. "Maybe tone it down on the shaking a little bit."

"But I can't!" I exclaimed softly, my forehead creasing. "For some reason I just can't stop shaking when I'm saying this, and he's not even here."

"Have you ever considered..." he deadpanned. "That maybe you don't want to break up with him? And that's why you're feeling that way?"

"I may not want to, but I have to do it," I confided. "Jimin, last night he saw my scars. He was traumatized, and that's just a tiny piece of what he can't know. How long will I hide from him? I don't want to keep leading him on. It's tearing me up inside."

"You keep talking about what you don't want," Jimin said. "Why not focus on what you do want? What is it that your heart desires, Faye?"

I sighed. "To be with him, of course."

"Then be."

"It's not that simple and you know it." I said sternly.

"Love is simple. You either want to be with someone or you don't."

"Yes, if you're a mortal. But I'm not. How long can this go on for? Let's imagine it might be years, maybe decades. You know time isn't working in my favor. He'll start noticing that I'm not aging. Not to mention that I can't bear his children. I can't offer him what other women can." I sucked in a sharp breath and ran a hand over my face.

"That is a problem." Jimin pressed his lips into a line.

"Not to mention that the secrecy is killing me. He already thinks I was abused and this is how I got these scars on my back. Or probably assumes I was part of some weird cult. Time will pass and we'll get even closer and then he would want to know what really caused them. He'll ask me again, and I won't be able to answer him again without lying to him. You should have seen him last night, Jimin. He wouldn't let it go and would keep insisting on me telling him who hurt me."

"Because he cares about you, Faye," Jimin uttered. "Deeply. That's how people get when they care about someone. They get concerned."

"It may be more than caring now," I nibbled on my lower lip. "He told me he was in love with me."