You Changed My Life

126. Social Anxiety Sucks

Noelani's pov

We enter the YouTuber hang out room and there are so many people inside socializing. I feel nervous and overwhelmed. I can tell the next five days are going to be weird and crazy. I just don't know if I am ready for it yet.

My body temperature rises dramatically and I struggle breathing. I slip away from the boys and I run back to our hotel room as tears run down my cheeks.

I hear fans screaming my name but I push past them all as I am desperate to be on my own. I need to be alone as everything feels like it has gone quite fast. Being crowded doesn't help as well.

I make it back to the room safely and I close the door as I run to the toilet. I start gagging as I choke for air. My stomach feel empty and my skin is over heating. I throw up in the toilet as tears roll down my cheeks.

Why must I have anxiety? How am I suppose to to stand up in front of thousands of people who will be staring at me? I don't know if I should do it. I think they have hides the wrong person to start if an event.

I can't even be with my friends and people I barely know in real life but know by social media. If I have to be in front of people I have no clue about for over three hours... I don't think that would be possible if I can't stand of people I do know for more than a minute.

I stop chucking up liquid and I rinse out my mouth with water and spit it out. I have a horrible acid taste in my mouth and I can't get rid of it.

I sit on the bed and grab my vlogging camera. I know it is pretty sad to blog about this but they need to know and it is part of my day I guess...

"Hey guys so I have just come back from the mainstage rehearsal... I feel so overwhelmed by everything..." Tears start to leave my eyes all over again.

"I don't know if I'll be able to do it because I had to leave a room full of people I know because I had an anxiety attack. I don't think incas handle being in front of eighteen thousand people...

"It sucks because my anxiety has prevented me from doing so many things. In my heart I know I'll be okay and you guys will support me and so will my friends... But my mind keeps on thinking you will all hate me when you meet me.

"I promise I am exactly like I am in videos, but in real life, I am not fake behind the camera. But it just gets way too much sometimes and I need to get away for a little while. I know I'll be okay... I'll be fine.

"Sorry for vlogging this, it's not what you would want to see but I am human. I am not always the happiest I could be and you deserve to know how I really feel because I want to be as honest with you as I can.

"Ant that means that I will be sharing shitty moments like this with you. Sorry guys. I'll be happier in the next clip I promise. I love you." I end the recording as my arms aches.

I stand up and get changed into my skinny jeans and my Lady and the Tramp top. I put it on and brush my hair. It is wavy but it looks fine. My hair does whatever it wants. Half the time I don't have to do much with it.

I put on some makeup, just a natural look as I expect all the other girls will be the same. I put on some proper shoes and take a few deep breathes to put myself back in my feet. I'll be okay.

I leave my room and start to make my way back down stairs...

Tyler's Pov

I look behind me to see if Noelani is hiding and she is isn't there. I look round for her and can't seem to see her anywhere.

"Connor do you know where Noelani is?" I ask him.

"No. She may have just gone outside. She should be back soon." He says quickly.

"I guess." I shrug.

I walk over to Zoe and start up a conversation with her. She doesn't sound too busy. She has an interview tomorrow and then a meet and greet in two days time and some tiny events during the week. She gets it pretty chilled.

I start to think about why Noelani's schedule is so packed. I mean it's et first PlayList Live so she should be getting it easy. But instead she isn't. She is doing something every single day apart from the last day.

Noelani is also daily vlogging so she will have to find time to edit. She will probably do editing when she should be sleeping. I just hope she is okay at the moment. I think she is outside just to clear her head for a few minutes...
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A/N

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