You Changed My Life

80. What Have I done?

Song for this chapter:

One- Ed Sheeran
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Connors Pov

I feel so pissed off after talking to Noelani! I don't regret a word that I said to her. I want her to go back to England and get beaten to the point of it being unbearable! The sooner she is gone the happier I will be!

I slam my laptop lid down and place it on my desk. I scream out with anger and the wall takes a good beating from my now bruised knuckles and toes. That's what she deserves...

I sit on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. My hands start throbbing and my feet start aching. A tear rolls down my cheek but I wipe it away. She doesn't deserve my tears. She never does and she never will. She deserves her blood to be spilled.

After letting out all of my anger by punching walls, pillows and screaming out to the world, I am now filled up with guilt and regret. But not for myself and my damaged fists, for the girl I destroyed over a computer screen. The alcohol has left me and now my sober mind is back and my sober heart.

What have I done? What was I thinking? I broke up with the girl that owns my heart. But that didn't stop me, I ripped hers out and battered hers with my words.

I could see her body breaking with every word I thrown at her. I could see her eyes fade and mask over. I could see her wanting to give up. I could see the loneliness settle over her skin. I could see that I pulled the last string that was holding her together. I could see that I took away her happiness and crumbled it down in front of her eyes.

I wasn't even angry at her I was angry with Tyler but mostly myself. I hate myself... I told Tyler to fucking skype her and I had a go at her for allowing Tyler to do what I asked him to do!

I told her that she was a slut and unwanted... She was attacked by The Waiter again... She was caught up because she was getting hurt yet I was so horrible and wouldn't listen to what she has to say... She was attacked by a monster and destroyed by another, the other being me.

I don't mean what I said to her, I want her back, my heart is calling for her to come back. I need her with me. I am desperate to have her in my arms. I want to know that she is safe and happy when she is with me.

I grab my phone and call her mobile but she isn't picking up. I could understand why she would want to ignore me now. To be honest I deserve it, why should she answer my phone call? After all I did say some pretty damaging stuff.

I try to call her again but it says that her number is unavailable. I start to panic. Why has her phone become unavailable?! It was ringing about two minutes ago! I start to panic and I call Ricky.

"Ricky is Noelani home?! I done something so fucking stupid! I said some truly horrible things to her. I need to fix what I done! Please check that she is okay!" I say desperately.

"Okay just a second." Ricky says calmly.

I hear him walking up the stairs and then opening something that I presume is a door.

"Shit... Connor she isn't here... What happened? What did you say to her that was horrible? Why would she leave without saying anything to us?" Ricky asks losing the calmness in his voice.

"I skyped her and she said something but I took it the wrong way quite badly. What she said wasn't even bad... She just thought I was Tyler skyping her again but for some reason I got mad and went off at her... By the end of the conversation I said she was a slut and that I don't want to be with her anymore and also I don't want to see her face.

"I told her to go back to England and to let the bullies have her for the last time. I said that none of us ever cared about her, we used her as a piece of entertainment... I told her that she isn't loved by any of us and that we won't miss her when she it gone... That we will be happy again.