Not This Time

Jon: July 21, 1987

     The elevator doors slid shut in front of Alec, Richie, Nina, and me as we watched the tour manager follow David and Tico toward the stairs. David had said something about racing us up to the floor, but I knew Tico was going to do no such thing, and The Bozz probably wouldn't either. The floor he'd booked for tour was too high up to run all those stairs.
      After a minute, I remembered that Nina had her own room again like she did in Salt Lake City. I'd almost forgotten that she was going to have her own room for the rest of tour. I was just about to open my mouth and ask if I could stay in her room with her again when she held out one of her keycards for me.
     "Here," she muttered with a little grin, "So you don't have to knock."
     I took the card and smiled at the number written on it. "Thanks," I said, looking back up at her. "What's your room like this time?" I asked, insinuating that it might be like the one she'd had for our anniversary. I knew the answer, but I liked messing with her. Anything to make her smile.
     And she did. She laughed, in fact. Probably because I'd asked her that back in Utah too. I couldn't be sure if she thought I was serious or not. She rolled her eyes, but she was still grinning as she shook her head at me.
     "You can stop asking me that!" she giggled, leaning back against the back wall of the elevator, next to me. "I'm not gonna have another room like San Juan, Rockstar," she assured me, still grinning.
     I shrugged. "Hey, you never know," I snickered right back.
     "I guess the room in San Juan was nice?" Alec asked.
     "It was a suite," I said, nodding slowly in Alec's general direction, "It was nice."
     Richie turned toward Nina, brought his forearm up to rest on the back wall, and leaned against it. With any other woman, the pose could have been considered flirtatious, but Nina and I both knew Richie no longer had any intention of trying to win her attention, especially not with me standing right next to her. I wasn't worried about Richie, and he wasn't worried about me. He raised an eyebrow and looked between the two of us before giving Nina a puzzled expression.
     "You paid extra for a suite?" Richie asked her.
     She brought her hands up helplessly and shrugged her shoulders. "It was all there was left! I didn't-"
     She stopped short right about the same time that the elevator had come to a halt with a pleasant ding. We were all surprised, actually. We weren't at our floor yet. Who could be going up from this level of the hotel? When the doors slid apart, The Bozz was standing there and my smile vanished at the sight of him.
     When he looked up and saw Richie leaning toward Nina, his expression visibly changed. I followed his gaze, trying to remain as casual as possible. Richie cleared his throat and leaned away from Nina as The Bozz stepped into the elevator with a suspicious glance in the guitarist's direction. He planted himself between Richie and Nina as the doors slid closed again.
     "I started to go up the stairs with Tico and David," The Bozz explained. His suspicious expression was gone, but I could tell that he was still paying attention to everything going on in the elevator. He looked over at Nina and me as he went on, "but then I decided: fuck that."
     We all chuckled at his laziness.
     "Only a few floors away!" Nina joked, "You were so close!"
     "Fuck it," he repeated.
     There was another short round of chuckling and then silence fell. It was incredibly awkward. I couldn't believe this had never happened before. How had I never been stuck in an elevator with both Nina and The Bozz at the same time? I was starting to feel suffocated. How had I never thought to prepare for something like this?
     I snuck a glance at Nina. She didn't seem concerned at all. She was watching the number above the doors steadily climb higher. How was she so calm? How did she do that? I looked up at The Bozz and then over at Alec so that it didn't seem like I was just staring at Nina.
     Ding!
     The doors slid apart again, this time to reveal the hall we'd dumped our suitcases in before show. Home sweet hallway. I'd never been more relieved to see one. The Bozz was the first out of the elevator while the rest of us shuffled to figure out who would follow. I motioned for Nina to step out in front of the rest of us and then I went after her.
     "Oh yeah," The Bozz sighed, turning back to the elevator just as I stopped next to my girlfriend, "Nina, I need to have a word with you."
     I involuntarily looked over at her curiously, trying to keep my expression from giving anything else away. All I could do was try to figure out what she was thinking. She didn't look worried, just a little surprised. If she wasn't concerned, then I had no reason to be. I blinked back at The Bozz and stepped around Nina toward my room.
     "Alright," Nina said with a shrug. She smiled at Richie and Alec first and then over at me as she followed The Bozz down the hall. "Goodnight guys."
     "Goodnight," Richie answered.
     "Goodnight," echoed Alec.
     "Goodnight," I mumbled. I fumbled around, pretending that I couldn't find my keycard as I waited for the hallways to clear. I glanced over at The Bozz just in time to see the door close behind Nina. With a sigh, I dropped my gaze to the keycard in my hand. The number on it didn't match the one on the door in front of me. I smiled a little and backed away from the door. Nina's room was just around the corner of the hall.
     I couldn't imagine how Nina was so calm. I couldn't think of a single thing that had gone on with the show that The Bozz might want to talk to her about. The set went great; no hiccups whatsoever. Maybe he'd figured out about Nina and me. Or maybe he thought she was fooling around with Richie after how it looked in the elevator. I could never be sure with The Bozz. He was a shrewd man.
     I shook my head and matched the number on the card to Nina's door number. As much as my mind kept wandering back to The Bozz's conversation with Nina, the exhaustion of show was starting to get to me. I was ready to get to sleep. I slid the card into the lock and yawned as the little green light blinked up at me. I leaned on the door, looking forward to kicking off my shoes and falling into bed.
     I wasn't until I got the door closed behind me that I realized something was wrong. There was already someone in the room; I could feel it. When I looked up, all I saw was a silhouette sitting in one of the chairs by the window. It was too dark to see anything else.
     "Hello?" I said warily, inching into the room.
     There was a moment of awkward silence and then, "Hello?" It was a man's voice. Vaguely familiar and slightly confused. My eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness as he rose from where he was sitting. He took a step closer, just enough for my suspicion to be confirmed. It was that guy Matt who'd been stalking Nina. But.. I glanced back at the door and then at the keycard in my hand. I knew Nina had given me the only other copy besides her own.
     "How the hell did you get in here?" I spat, looking back up at him.
     "I.. need to talk to you," he responded uncertainly, not answering my question. I frowned but he went on before I could say anything. "Listen, I know that Nina loves you with all her heart," he told me, "But she's too blinded by that love to see that she's making a stupid mistake. She needs to come home."
     I narrowed my eyes and glared at the intruder. Even though Nina had told me what Matt meant when he said that, something about his use of the word 'home' still felt different. It somehow seemed more...broad than when I used it. It confused me, much like Matt himself did. There was still too much that I didn't know or understand about him. Nina had tried to explain their friendship, but it was obvious that she didn't like talking about it. I didn't trust Matt, however, to be any more straightforward. I didn't trust Matt at all.
     "Where did you meet Nina?" I asked in spite of myself.
     Matt seemed surprised, but recovered quickly. With a small shrug, he said, "In New York..?"
     "Back home?" I guessed. It felt weird using that word to mean something other than Nina's apartment. I'd never seen any of the other places she'd ever lived. I didn't even know where in Sayreville she'd been staying when she lived there.
     Matt just nodded silently. So did I.
     "Yeah, well that isn't her home anymore," I told him, "This is her home now."
     He looked shocked once again. He gaped at me for a second and then shook his head defiantly. "That's not how-" he began. His protests were interrupted by the sound of a keycard unlocking the door. We both looked over at the door at the same time that Nina started through it.
     She wasn't looking up at us. She wasn't paying attention to anything, at first. The small smile on her face grew slightly when she saw me, but then vanished instantly when her eyes fell on Matt. The door closed with a solid thud behind her as she reached for the light switch. Her eyes turned deadly the moment she could see clearly who else was in her room.
     "What are you doing here?" she growled.
     "Why am I ever here?" Matt retorted, "I'm here to take you home."
     Nina stepped forward and stopped beside me. "I'm not going anywhere. My home is here, with Jon," she said as if she'd heard me only moments before. She slid her hand into mine. "I've never been happier, Matt. Can't you just leave me here?"
     "You're not even supposed to be here!" Matt protested.
     Nina's grip tightened slightly when he said this. I looked down at her face. I knew her well enough to see her nerves and fear, but she was keeping it all pretty damn well hidden in her eyes. None of it was visible on her face. I didn't understand what she could possibly be afraid of, but I ignored it. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and rested my head on her shoulder as we both glared at Matt.
     "I don't want to go," she repeated, "I'm not leaving."
     Matt opened his mouth to speak again, but I beat him to it.
     "She said no," I snapped, "Be a man and leave her alone." I tightened my hold on her ever so slightly. "If she doesn't want to go, I'm not going to let her."
     Matt frowned, his eyes shifting between the two of us with increasing hopelessness. He was starting to see that we really weren't going to budge. Nina wasn't going anywhere, and I wasn't going to let her. His forehead furrowed in frustration. Finally, he threw his hands up in the air and let them drop to his sides.
     "Forget it," he announced, "I give up! I don't care anymore! I tried!" He shook his head and frowned at us once more.
     "Really?" Nina asked disbelievingly.
     "Do whatever you want," Matt sighed, starting toward the door, "I'm done."
     "You're not coming back?" Nina persisted. The hope in her voice could have easily been mistaken for fear, which is why, I think, Matt turned to look back at her. I knew better, and when Matt saw the look in her eye, he knew better too.
     He shook his head. "You're on your own." Matt stopped between the bathroom door and the main door. Nina and I both watched him look back one more time. With a small, shy smile, he finished, "I hope you have a happy life."
     "I will," Nina promised, smiling a little at him before positively beaming at me. I glanced at her, but I didn't smile back. This felt wrong. Matt gave up way too easily in my opinion. I didn't believe that we'd never see him again.
     He smiled weakly and gazed at the main door for a second. "Can I use your bathroom really quick?" he asked, taking another tentative glance back at Nina and me.
     "Yeah," Nina allowed without a second thought. Had she forgotten that this guy had been stalking her since Christmas? Probably before, in fact! She had said that he used to show up at her apartment randomly. How did she just trust him? Just because he'd said he'd leave her alone? Come on.
     The bathroom door was closed behind Matt, however, before I could bring my concern to her attention. I grumbled my disapproval, keeping my eyes on the door. Nina, though, didn't seem worried in the slightest. She turned in my arms and smiled excitedly, hooking her arms around my neck,
     "He's going to leave me alone!" Nina whispered with that same over-excited grin. I tore my eyes away from the bathroom door to look at her. God, that smile. She looked so happy, I couldn't help but smile a little too, no matter how little I trusted Matt's words.
     I just liked how happy she seemed. She looked liberated, somehow. Maybe Matt was the real reason our relationship was a secret. Maybe that's why she was so excited about his leaving. Then again, maybe not. She hadn't told me if The Bozz had spoken to her about us or not.
     "What did The Bozz want?" I asked, tilting my head a little. I was trying to keep my attention on her rather than wondering how much longer Matt was going to take in the restroom.
     Nina just shrugged. "Backline inventory report," she said, "Boring stuff."
     I took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief. I never thought I'd be worried about The Bozz knowing who my girlfriend was. He was a great tour manager and a really good friend. Things would be very different if Nina wasn't the sound tech.
     "Oh. Good," I sighed, "I thought he'd connected dots."
     Nina smirked at me and the wrinkled her nose playfully. "Maybe you shouldn't sleep in my room so much if you're worried about him connecting dots," she teased, inching closer to me. I chuckled and leaned my forehead against hers.
     "You're not getting rid of me that easy," I snickered.
     Nina's smirk turned into a pleased smile and she let me close the gap between us. For just a moment, I was doing absolutely nothing but savoring a kiss with my girlfriend. Then the thought occurred to me that her stalker was still hanging out in her bathroom. He hadn't come out yet. Needless to say, that kind of killed my enthusiasm.
     I broke the kiss and looked over at the bathroom door. "He's been in there a while," I mumbled. Nina followed my gaze, but didn't say anything. She didn't object when I let go of her, trudged over to the bathroom door, and knocked. There was no answer. "You can't camp out in her bathroom," I warned through the door, "I'm not going anywhere."
     Still, Matt didn't respond. There was no sound of movement inside, whatsoever. I could see the light coming out from under the door, but it didn't sound like there was anyone in there. I looked back at Nina questioningly. She looked just as confused as I did. Something was wrong. I could feel it.
     I knocked one more time. When nobody answered, I announced, "I'm coming in."
     The door was unlocked and opened without any trouble. The light was on. The shower curtain was pushed back. Everything looked like housekeeping had just been through and had simply forgotten to turn out the light. Matt was nowhere to be seen.
     With wide eyes, I stepped into the bathroom and looked behind the door in case he was hiding there. I saw Nina's reflection appear in the reflection of the bathroom door on the mirror. She was looking around in surprise and concern. Just the thought of Matt being able to get out of a watched room without anyone seeing made my skin crawl. How did he do that?
     I stuck my hand into the pocket of my hoodie where the keycard to my room was. Still looking around, I held the keycard out to Nina.
     "Go to my room," I instructed, not looking at her. I couldn't figure out where he'd gone, and it freaked me out. It was just another reason for me not to trust Matt. Never trust a guy who can get in and out of rooms without anyone noticing.
     Nina didn't even argue. She took the keycard from my hand and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before hurrying out the door. A chill ran down my spine the second she was out of the hotel room. I seemed to be alone, but I wasn't completely certain. How could I be? Matt couldn't have just vanished.
     All that was coming to mind as I looked around the bathroom was Matt's mysterious appearance in Nina's hotel room before I'd gotten there. He'd never answered my question about how he'd gotten in. As a matter of fact, it wasn't his first mysterious appearance. He'd managed one at Nina's apartment on Christmas as well. Nina had tried to explain that one away, but even her explanation seemed pretty far fetched. It would have been difficult to open even a faulty window without one of us hearing. Now this? It was too creepy.
     After as thorough an inspection as I could give the bathroom, I stepped out, turning off the light as I made my way over to Nina's bed. I crossed my arms and sank onto the corner, glaring at the dark doorway of the bathroom. If Matt had somehow hidden in there and kept out of my way while I was searching, he'd still have to come out at some point.
     No doubt he thought he could trick Nina into thinking he'd gone. Maybe he assumed we'd just dismiss his disappearance as having missed his exit. He probably underestimated my desire to have him out of Nina's life. He probably thought he could surprise Nina in the night, but that wouldn't be happening. I wouldn't let him.
     A whole half hour passed before I finally decided that Matt wasn't in the restroom anymore. It took me a minute or two more to convince myself that he wouldn't reappear as long as I was sitting there. In any case, I was no good to Nina if I was sitting in her room while she was alone in mine.
     I silently snuck down the hall back to my room. Not that anyone else on tour was awake now that we'd been in the hotel for almost an hour. Surely, everyone else was already passed out. Nina, however, was still wide awake when I got into my room.
     "Is everything okay? Did he come back?" Nina whispered. Her eyes were wide as she raced up to greet me with her questions. I was still trying to figure out how he'd gotten out of there.
     "No," I replied, distracted.
     Any anxiety in Nina's expression dissipated and was replaced with glee. "See! I told you!" she declared happily. I could only give her a confused expression as she threw her arms around me once more and dragged me into my hotel room. "He's gone!" she cheered quietly, "He's gonna leave me alone!"
     "I still think he's trying to catch you off guard," I sighed, offering a warning look with a shake of my head.
     Nina shook her head too, still smiling a little. "Matt doesn't think like that," she assured me. She bounced gently on her toes in front of me. All her excitement was a little infectious. Or maybe it was that grin again. Either way, I found myself smiling a little too. She gave me a quick kiss on my lips and then beamed once more, "We're free!"