Not This Time

Nina: September 3, 1987

     It felt like ages since I'd had my toes in the sand. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd been to the beach. Our hotel was so close to the water, though, that I couldn't ignore the call of the waves, and I could go out to the waves barefoot if I wanted. There wasn't another show until the fifth, so the crew had a little time off.
     David, Tico, and Alec hit the beach while the sun was up. Jon and Richie had been occupied down at the MTV Australia studio all day. I had slept in. When I'd heard about the meteor shower that was supposed to happen tonight, I knew I'd have to go to the beach. What better place to see a meteor shower than over the ocean? I only wish I had a boat.
     I jumped when a ballcap landed in the sand next to me. What the? Jon was there, standing next to me with his hands on his hips, when I looked up. His feet were bare, like mine. I smiled up at him.
     "I thought you would have gone to bed!" I said. My voice seemed really loud in the relative quiet of the night.
     Jon sat down next to me and loosely matched my position. I hugged my knees tightly, he sort of crossed his ankles and let his arms hold his knees up. "When I got to my room, you weren't there," he explained, "I went to your room and didn't see you there either, so I went down to the crew bus. I would have checked the bar, if it wasn't closed." He paused and looked over at me.
     "I left a note.."
     He smirked a little. "Yeah, I didn't see it until I got back to my room and was already starting to worry. I was about to call Richie when I saw it on the pillow." He shook his head at me and scoffed, "You have got to stop disappearing like that. It freaks me out."
     I bit my lip and gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry," I replied. He raised an eyebrow at me and then smiled a little. I grinned too and leaned my head on his shoulder. He brought his arm up, wrapped it around my shoulder, and pulled me a little closer. I smiled contently at that. I loved it when he held me.
     It was a calm night. There were no clouds, save a few wisps brushed here and there over the endless skyful of stars. Spring was just starting in Melbourne and the night breeze that swept off the ocean was still pretty chilly. Sort of like spring back in New York. I was comfortable in Jon's arms, though. And the view was worth it. The waves were rising and falling and washing up and receding. It was relaxing to watch. I had never really been to the beach much. I never realized how much I enjoyed it.
     "So what'd you come out here for?" Jon asked.
     "Just some fresh air," I answered with a little chuckle, "That balcony was so close but still too far." He smiled and nodded. I knew he loved the beach. I'm sure he could share the sentiment. I glanced up at him through my eyelashes and then back out at the moonlight reflecting off the waves. "And I heard something about a meteor shower tonight," I added.
     He probably hadn't heard anything about the meteor shower. We didn't usually get much news unless it involved tour. I just happened to be able to watch the news during my day off. As the frontman of the band, Jon rarely got that luxury.
     "When is it?" he asked.
     "No idea," I replied without hesitation.
     He looked down at me in confusion. "So you're just going to sit out here all night?" I glanced up at him and nodded. He shook his head with a small smirk. "Well I guess I am too, then," he sighed.
     "You don't have to."
     "If I want to spend the night with you, I do," he snickered. I smiled a little. He planted a kiss on top of my head and went on, "Besides, I might want to see this meteor shower too."
     I laughed at him and shook my head against his shoulder, but I didn't say anything. It was quiet for a moment, just us and the waves. I glanced down at the hat he'd tossed at me when he got here.
     "What's the hat for?" I asked, breaking the silence.
     He looked down at the hat too and smirked to himself before reaching over to pick it up. He snickered a little, beating the hat against his leg to shake off the sand. "I tried to sneak past Reg to come out here," he told me. I sat up and gave him a surprised, amused look. He grinned too and nodded. "Yeah, tried being the key word there. He said that if I was going anywhere without him, I had to at least take the hat." He shrugged. "For a disguise or something, I guess."
     I beamed and snatched the hat out of his hand. "Let's see it on," I demanded, yanking the hair tie out of my hair.
     "What are you doing?"
     "It's not a disguise if everyone can see your hair, Rockstar," I reasoned, tapping the side of my head. He smirked at me as I held out the hair tie to him. I couldn't believe he was letting me do this. Nonetheless, I found myself watching him tie his hair back into a ponytail. I licked my lips. He was so hot with his hair pulled back.
     He dropped his hands and snickered at me. "What are you looking at me like that for?" He laughed. I blushed so hard and looked away. God, I hoped it was dark enough that he couldn't see how red I was. My smile was so wide when I turned back at him, though. I shrugged, shaking my head but still grinning.
     "I dunno," I said, "It's just..." I stumbled on the word for a minute, still shaking my head a little. "..weirdly attractive when you pull your hair back," I giggled.
     He pursed his lips for a moment. Then he raised an eyebrow and nodded at me slowly, trying and failing to contain a teasing grin. "So that's what does it for you, huh?" he joked, "You are freakier than I thought."
     The laugh burst out of me before I could stop it. It echoed across the beach, it was so loud. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time. It felt great! There hadn't been a lot of this teasing banter like this between us in what felt like forever. I missed him sometimes with all the work going on between us.
     "Well when you say it like that...." I laughed, leaving the ending off. I wasn't really sure how to end that sentence. My face was on fire. Jon shook his head and chuckled too. God, I loved him.
     Still grinning, he motioned for me to keep going. "Okay, so what's next," he prompted, "They can still see my hair in a ponytail, Nina." He tapped the side of his head mockingly. My laughter softened to a light giggled and I gave him a wry smile.
     "Alright, c'mere," I instructed, shuffling closer on my knees and reaching around him. He seemed to stiffen up a little. I could feel his breath against my skin. My collarbone was right there in front of his face. I sucked on my lower lip and tried to focus on what I was doing with his hair.
     I folded up his sloppy ponytail and tried to cram it all under the hat. Needless to say, with all the hair he had, it was not working. I grumbled to myself and gently pulled the hair tie out of his hair. The hair tie slid onto my wrist as I gathered up his hair again. How had he done a ponytail wrong? How does that even happen?
     Jon's breath on my skin was driving me crazy. I let out a deep breath, trying not to sound as hot as I was getting. It ended up coming out a bit more shaky that I'd have liked. I had to sit back. When I did, Jon's eyes were closed. As I was taking another breath, he opened his eyes. He watched me run my hand across the crook of my neck, right over where his face had been so close to just a second before.
     "I couldn't stay like that," I muttered, brushing my fingers through my own messy hair, "You were breathing heavy on my neck. It was kinda turning me on."
     "So my hair really does do it for you," he said with as straight a face as he could manage. Just as I'm sure he knew I would, I let out another bellowing laugh. He could have pretty easily turned that conversation into sex on the beach with a little convincing, if he'd wanted. But he went for the laugh again. And I could not stop.
     "Quit it!" I snorted, smacking his shoulder gently. He laughed at me too, but did as he was told and let it go.
     I scooted across the sand once more and planted myself next to him, but a little behind so that I could reach his hair without reaching around him. It was so sweet of him to sit still as I fixed up his hair, pulling his hair back into a tighter ponytail slightly higher on his head. I figured this must be what it was like to be a girl at a middle school slumber party. For half a second, I considered braiding his hair. Just a half a second, then I decided against it.
     I folded his hair up over the top of his head again and pulled the hat down over it all. I nodded at my work and sat back on my heels beside him. Then I smiled a little, brushing his bangs out of his eyes underneath the visor of the cap. God, he was gorgeous.
     "Sexy," I stated simply. We both snickered at the continuation of that joke, but that's as far as it went before he shook his head and changed the subject.
     "I doubt Reg meant all this," he replied, motioning to himself. My smile fell a little. What did he mean by that? Didn't he like it? I raised a questioning eyebrow, challenging him to go on with that sentence. He smirked and leaned in a little to add, "But I'm sure he'd approve."
     I smiled again and nodded knowingly. He was smart. I cuddled up against him to watch the waves again, and said, "It's nice that he didn't insist upon coming out here with you."
     "Yeah," he agreed, absently caressing my arm and playing with the ends of my hair that fell there. God, I loved that. I could feel goosebumps rise on the back of my neck when the breeze blew against us.
     The only sound was that of the waves. I was enjoying cuddling with Jon, but the thought came across my mind that Reg might know where Jon had gone out to when he insisted he take the hat. Part of me wanted to freak out about that, but surprisingly, it was a very small part. For the most part, I was actually just..curious.
     "Do you think Reg knows about us?" I asked without warning. He probably did, I just wondered if he'd said anything to Jon.
     "I dunno," he replied, "It's possible. He hadn't asked me to confirm or deny it, so...." He let that ending trail off, shaking his head and shrugging for good measure. "Even if he does though," he went on a moment later, "he knows what's private. It's obvious we're not flaunting it, so he won't bring it up to anybody. He's a good guy."
     "Yeah," I agreed. He glanced down at me for a second. I didn't look up. I wasn't concerned about Reg, weirdly enough. I was just enjoying cuddling with my boyfriend.
     I gazed out over the water, watching for streaks of light. I hadn't seen a meteor shower since I was a child. Dad had woken me up and snuck me outside so we could watch them. I smiled at the thought. It was one of my few fond memories of that place. I couldn't wait for the stars to start falling tonight so that I could share that with Jon too.
     "Do you want to move in with me?" Jon asked out of the blue, "After tour?"
     I blinked a couple of times and then shifted away from him, holding myself up in the sand. Had he really just asked that? I could tell that my eyes were wide in shock. Was he serious? Me move in with him? Was he high?
     "And leave my nice big apartment for your hole in the wall?" I scoffed, still looking at him like he was crazy, "No thanks!"
     A giant grin spread across his face. He had probably thought I was gonna fight him on it. I don't know if he realized how excited I was for tour to be over either. I had never been to Hawaii; I was so ready to spend a few days alone there with him.
     "Okay, let me rephrase," he laughed, "Do you want to live together after tour?"
     I tilted my head and smiled at him a second. Then I brought a finger to my chin and made a show of thinking about it. Jon rolled his eyes at me. He had to know I was going to say yes if I was putting on this level of showmanship. He shook his head at me and I laughed too.
     "I'd like that," I finally replied, biting my lip a little like I used to back when we were just friends and he'd said something sweet to me. "I mean, it's not like we don't pretty much already live together anyway."
     "I know," he tsked teasingly, "What would your parents say?"
     I grinned and made another brief show of thinking on the subject. "Well let's see. Maribelle would call me a whore," I said, completely unfazed by the reality of my statement, "and you a.." This time I had to pause and genuinely think about it. "..a dirty heathen," I told him, laughing a little and leaning closer to him. "Just because..." I whispered. He rolled his eyes but smiled all the same as I took a look to either side of us to make sure nobody was watching before I concluded, "..of this."
     Then I kissed him. It didn't really feel any more public than it did in our hotel rooms because I knew there weren't people around to see us. It wasn't a long kiss either. More than a peck, but not long enough for him to turn it into anything. I wasn't stupid. I offered a small smile when I pulled away.
     "That feels like love to me," he mumbled, tucking some hair behind my ear and tracing my jaw down to my chin.
      I tapped his nose and smiled wider, getting situated to lean against him again. "It is."
      He let a second of silence pass and then added in a teasing tone, "Even if you did look around first." I paused, but didn't look up at him. Why did he have to bring that up right now?
     "That makes it even more so," I scoffed. He must have been able to tell that I wasn't happy with his comment, because he didn't push it. I let it go too. We were having such a great time, I didn't want to be upset. He put his arm around me again and hugged me.
     "I can't wait until we can kiss around other people," he sighed.
     It didn't sound like he was trying to be argumentative. I didn't want to fight either. Instead, I brought a hand up to rest on his chest and nodded. "Yeah."
     Another round of silence fell after that. It was like that word was the magic word to stop all other words. It wasn't bad. The ocean was peaceful, so it's not like the silence was awkward. The stars twinkled both in the sky and on the water. It was beautiful.
     "I'm gonna write a song about us," Jon announced, "and your parents."
     I stifled a laugh and glanced up at him. He always said the most random things after the long breaks in the conversation. "Why?" I snickered.
     "Because I can," he said with a shrug. I leaned away again to look at him as he went on, "And because they're wrong. Marriage isn't the only thing in the world that indicates love. Hell, half the married couples in America these days don't love each other." He paused and his face got a little red when he glanced over at me. I didn't know what he was looking at. He shrugged a little, reaching out to play with one of the ends of my hair. "What's a little piece of paper that says I married you gonna prove?" he finished gently.
     I smiled. He wasn't wrong. I reached up, took his hand, and gave it an affectionate squeeze. He stared out at the waves again for a moment. I just stared at him. For the first time all night, I wondered what he was thinking.
     "What would your mom call this?" he asked me, looking over again. I felt the corner of my mouth tug up in amusement at the same time my brow furrowed in confusion. "I mean, us. Our relationship."
     I raised an eyebrow, still amused. "Well she'd call us immoral, to say the least, no better than animals," I scoffed. I couldn't stop the roll of my eyes before I looked away. I didn't want him to see how angry it made me. I had given up any hope of affection from mother ages ago. I don't know why it still stung. Jon reached out and interlaced his fingers with mine in the sand, bringing my attention back to him. He was enough for me to forget all my troubles.
     I turned back and, with a smirk, went on. "She'd say," I whispered, crawling toward him. I straddled his legs and leaned forward toward him. I pronounced each word with a smooth level of seduction that just barely masked my derisive amusement. "..that we were basking in the sins of the flesh," I licked my lips, "and..." my face was only a few inches from his when I stopped. The end of my sentence occurred to me before I said it. Jon had been talking about a song. There was no way. I blinked at him, sitting back a few inches more, and finished my sentence with every ounce of realization that I felt. "..living in sin."
     "That's it," he whispered back. I gaped for just a second more and then closed my mouth, offering a small, still amused smile with one eyebrow raised. I had no idea that song was about me. There was no way. How weird was that? "That's what I'll call it," he beamed, "Living In Sin."
     I could feel my face get warm again as my smile grew and he smiled at the sight of it. I plopped down beside him again and laid back in the sand. Jon sat up for a moment more. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned, catching his attention. I smiled up at him as I stretched, so he laid down beside me and let me curl up against him once more.
     At first I thought we were simply going to cuddle up in the sand, but then Jon started humming softly. I recognized it after a few bars. It was a similar tune to what I knew as Living in Sin. I smiled a little. He probably didn't even realize. I gazed up at the stars and hummed along. I was harmonizing by the time Jon noticed. He gave me a sidelong glance and tapered off his humming.
     "What is that?" he asked.
     Crap, what was I supposed to say? I couldn't tell him I didn't know because I obviously knew it, but I couldn't tell him how. I searched my memory for something of value. It felt like it wasn't the first time we had hummed that tune together. Something about cuddling and humming with him felt familiar.
     "Oh!" I declared. That was it. I remembered! "It's the lullaby," I said, looking up at him, "from the bus. The tune you hummed to help me sleep on my birthday."
     Jon nodded a little and it almost looked like he was remembering that morning. Maybe he was. His relaxed expression contorted with puzzlement once again and he turned his head a little bit to look at me.
     "How do you know it?" he asked, "I was making it up. How did you know how it went?"
     I blinked for a moment. Crap crap. What was I supposed to say to that? I mean, I guess we were both musicians, sort of. Musically inclined, anyway. Sort of. With a teasing grin, I propped myself up and leaned over him a little.
     "I'm inside your head, Rockstar!" I joked. A large smile grew across his face. God, that smile. I could just stare at if forever. I blinked, refusing to be distracted, again. "But really though," I assured him, "It's just musical intuition. We both know how music works." I laid back down, my hand rested in the middle of his chest and my head on his shoulder. "And I know you," I added with a small giggle.
     He nodded absently and trailed his fingers lightly over my skin. I could feel the chills run through my body as he did that. I don't think he knew he had such an effect on me. Well, actually, knowing Jon, he probably did. I smiled to myself. I loved that.
     He started humming again. I closed my eyes for a moment and just listened, but after a while I caught myself humming along again. We laid there in the sand humming to ourselves for what felt like forever. Jon eventually trailed off. After a few moments of silence, I realized that he was asleep. I smirked, but didn't wake him. Instead I just looked up at the sky and watched the stars.
     And watched. And watched. All night long, nothing happened. I didn't have a watch, so I had no idea what time it actually was when people started trickling out to the beach. It was still dark. The horizon was just barely beginning to lighten when I decided Jon probably shouldn't be out without Reg if there were going to be more people joining us on the beach.
     Jon's eyes opened and he blinked at me a couple times. I got up and dusted the sand off my pants. Jon propped himself up on his elbows and followed my gaze around the beach. There were a handful of people now, but I couldn't be sure whether they had come for the meteor shower or to watch the sunrise.
     "Did I miss it?" Jon asked with a yawn, sitting up further and leaning on his hands. I ignored him for a moment, trying to determine what people were looking at. Was it the sky or the horizon? I pursed my lips and finally shook my head.
     "No," I sighed in answer, "You didn't miss it. I was awake the whole time and didn't see anything." I frowned a little. I had to admit, I was kind of bummed out. I shook my head, looked down at him sitting in the sand, and shrugged. "I mean, it got cloudy there for a little while, maybe I just couldn't see it through the clouds..." Oh well, I guess. I ran a hand through my hair and scanned the sand around me, looking for a safe trail through the broken shells and rocks back to the hotel. "I guess I'm gonna go ahead and go back inside," I mumbled.
     "Nina," Jon breathed. I looked over at him and waited, but all he said was, "Look up."
     I glanced around at the other people on the beach. They were all looking up at the sky. Oh dang, was it happening and I was missing it?! I looked up too, and my eyes widened in awe.
     There were dozens of stars shooting across the night sky toward the weak sunlight trying to peak over the horizon. I could feel the wonder spreading across my face as I sank back into the sand next to Jon. I couldn't look away from the magical natural event happening in front of me. And I loved that this was something I got to share with him.
     "It's such a beautiful sight, isn't it?" I whispered.
     "Yeah," he replied softly, "Yeah it is."
     I turned to look back at him for a moment, just to make sure. It felt like he had been staring at me, but when I turned, he was looking at the sky. I beamed at him. This was a special moment to me. It would forever be one of my favorite memories for the rest of my life. Spending all night out on the beach in Australia so that we could catch a few falling stars together. I loved him so much for staying out with me. He dropped his gaze back to me and smiled a little more. Then we both returned our attention to the sky.
     Out of nowhere, Jon kissed my cheek. I hadn't even noticed him move. I brought a hand up to my cheek in surprise and he rested back on his hands. I could feel my face starting to turn red as I stared at him with wide eyes. He stared right back, unapologetic. One corner of his mouth turned up after a moment. And that was it.
     I turned my body toward him and leaned in to kiss him back. But it wasn't the same peck on the cheek he'd given me. I pulled close to him and just barely slipped the tip of my tongue between his lips. One of his hands rested on my waist, where it belonged, and the other slipped up into my hair. It took me a minute to realize that we were kissing in front of other people, but I didn't pull back until the kiss was done. And even then I stayed close.
     Jon swallowed hard and then grinned at me. "There are people out here," he reminded me quietly.
     "I know," I responded without hesitation.
     Jon blinked at me and pulled back a little more. "Are we going public now?"
     "No," I replied firmly. I didn't want him to think I was considering it now, there was still tour to finish, but I also didn't want to ruin the moment. I leaned in, softening the hard response with Eskimo kisses and a mischievous smirk as I went on, "But it's still dark enough that nobody will recognize you."
     This time, Jon was the one to close the space between us again. He had to hold onto his hat so that it didn't fall off. I giggled at that and he brought his other hand up into my hair. I grabbed onto his tee shirt as my other hand slid over his shoulder to rest on the back of his neck. I almost had to remind myself that we weren't alone.
     Jon pulled away for a moment, giving me just enough time to pout about it, as he twisted his hat around so that the visor was in the back. I scrunched up my nose at the strands of hair that tried to escape as he did so. As soon as his hands were out of the way, mine were up there tucking in those strands. Jon waited with an amused smile for me to finish. Once all the hairs were hidden away, I sucked on my bottom lip and nodded. Yep, that looked better. Jon just snickered at me and leaned his forehead against mine.
     "I love you so much," he chuckled.
     I leaned closer still and breathed back, "Then don't stop kissing me."
     He did as I asked, of course. I loved the way his fingers traced every inch of my skin, as if he was trying to learn it. I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped as his hands explored. After a moment, he pulled away for a breath, but I wasn't finished with him. I shook my head and went straight back in. I could feel him grinning into the kiss, but it didn't matter. I just couldn't get enough. I bit gently on his bottom lip, producing a husky groan.
     It was right after that wonderful sound that we heard a quiet but obviously disgusted "ugh" from a stranger passing by. That pulled me back to reality. I pulled back a little and bit my own lip, embarrassed, as the person continued on their way, mumbling about how rude some people could be.
     I peeked around Jon to where the person was going, but they didn't look back. When I brought my gaze back to him, we stared at each other for a moment, both of us wide-eyed. Then we both broke into sputtering laughter. I had never intended anyone to notice! I don't know why it was so funny, but it was. Needless to say, the moment was successfully ruined, but it was anything but disappointing.
     I smiled at Jon and leaned my head on his shoulder again, looking out at the ocean. He kissed the top of my head and put an arm around me. The sun was still hiding beneath the waves, but it had already started adding some hints of pink to the sky. The meteor shower had long since ended and only a few people were sticking around to watch the sunrise.
     "It's getting pretty bright out here," Jon mumbled into my hair, "I'll go in first."
     I smiled absently at the comment. It was weird that he wasn't arguing wanting to sit in the daylight with me..but a good weird. Everything just seemed right. I nodded against his shoulder before uttering a quiet, "Okay."
     Jon rubbed my arm affectionately and kissed the top of my head one more time. Then he let me go. I smiled up at him, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. If I didn't have him to stay and hug me, I'd have to hug myself.
     "Go get some sleep," I commanded, smiling up at him. Jon smirked and nodded. He offered me a lazy wave as he turned to walk away. I kept my eyes on him as he passed people. Once he was back up to the paved parking lot, I turned back to the ocean.
     The sun painted the sky all sorts of colors and the waves reflected them right back, but all I could think about was laying in the sand and watching shooting stars with Jon. As the sun stained the sky, I hummed to myself.