Not This Time

Nina: September 17, 1986

     "Nina," Wayne called. He was holding out a small camera when I approached him. I stepped around the camera and smiled at him, but he just held the camera in my direction. "I want you to do some shots of the band," he said. I tilted my head.
     Why? Why would he want that? I wasn't even that great with cameras. I stared at the camera for a minute and then frowned. I really didn't want to do this. What would happen if I didn't realize I was in a shot? Would I end up on the video? The camera wobbled a little and I looked up at Wayne.
     "You alright? You spaced out there for a minute," he chuckled. I smiled a little, self-consciously.
     "I just don't want to get in the way," I explained timidly. I nervously rubbed my palms against the front of my jeans as Wayne raised an eyebrow. "I'm fairly certain that my presence in a shot would immediately ruin it. I'm very awkward."
     Wayne grinned and shook his head. "Don't worry about that. My boys are good at only shooting what they want. Sometimes it takes forever to get the shot I want," he laughed, still holding the camera out to me. "The band likes you though," he said, "They're comfortable with you. They only just met my crew."
     "They're big boys," I scoffed, "They're pretty friendly too. They're not afraid of new people."
     He held the camera out further to me. "You're their friend. They'll joke with you. I want shots where they're not putting on a show," he told me.
     Dang it, that was a really good reason. There wasn't a lot I could say in return. I was their friend. They would joke with me. I was trapped. "Promise you won't use any clips that have me in them," I haggled, reaching for the camera.
     "Deal," he agreed with another chuckle, "You know how to use it?" I pointed to a button on the camera and made a circular gesture with my pointer finger. Wayne nodded and patted my back. "That's right. Good. Now go on."
     The guys were all setting up for what would essentially be a show. There were cameras everywhere shooting every little thing they did. It was crazy. I got some mediocre shots of the band talking with some of the crew, but I wasn't really sure what I should be filming. I wasn't a camera person, I was a sound person.
     Someone tapped my arm. I glanced over at the band's manager, Doc. I wasn't sure where he'd come from out of nowhere, but he seemed to know what was going on because he pointed at Alec up onstage. The bassist was minding his own business, preparing to play. When I looked back at Doc, he nodded toward Alec and motioned to my camera. He pointed over to Wayne who was standing more toward the front of the stage. The director nodded toward Alec as well. They wanted me to surprise him.
     With a knowing smirk, I shook my head and stealthily made my way toward the stage. My camera was trained on Alec and my footfalls were quiet as I approached from his left, trying to keep a steady hand. Alec glanced over and turned toward me in surprise, taking a step back.
     "Who did that?" he exclaimed, pointing at me. He looked over at Wayne with a grin, still pointing. "Who gave her a camera?" Wayne and Doc both laughed at his reaction. I grinned and wandered past Alec, giving the bassist a pat on the shoulder as I did so. He only shook his head and went back to whatever he was doing.
     I waltzed past Jon to the opposite end of the stage where Richie was playing his guitar. I stopped in front of him and he made faces at my camera as he played. He glanced over and grinned as Jon started toward us, carrying his mic stand. The singer leaned in next to Richie as the guitarist stepped back to stand shoulder to shoulder with his frontman. As Richie continued playing, staring straight at the camera, Jon gave me a confused a look and then glanced over at his friend. Richie grinned back at him and Jon shook his head.
     He walked away from Richie and me, but my camera followed him. He was trying not to look at me. In fact he was very obviously looking just about anywhere else. I laughed a little when he ran out of things to look at and looked up.
     "Rockstar," I said. He looked over at me from whatever he'd been looking at up in the lighting rig. He stared for a second as I scoffed, "God, do something!" He shrugged his shoulders quickly with a childish grin before turning away from me, mic stand still in hand.
     I was going to go after him, but Richie pulled me out of a shot someone else was trying to get as Jon did some sort of weird squat-like dance in time with the music, facing away from me. It was a nice view from where I was. I almost couldn't wait to see it again on the video.
     "Sorry," Richie said as he let go of my arm, "They told me to."
     I smiled at him and shook my head. "I told them not to get me in their shots," I explained, "So thanks." He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. From there I snuck around set, trying to stay out of the way but also trying to get some good shots.
     I watched from the sidelines as they worked on some clips for the chorus, humming along to the excerpt of song that we'd already heard five hundred times that morning. Alec played along beside them as Jon and Richie shared a mic stand. They weren't singing full voice, but they were trying to make it look like they were. I was hoping to get Jon to turn and sing directly into my camera, but my plan didn't quite work out.
     "Johnny," I called gently as I stopped behind him, camera up and rolling. He turned back to me, still smiling at all the fun he was having, but he wasn't singing. The song was still going, but he wasn't moving his mouth. "Keep singing!" I insisted, giving him an expectant look around my camera. As if to say 'oops', he slapped his hand over his mouth, which made me laugh. I shook my head at him in mock disapproval. He dropped his hand to reveal an amused grin but rolled his eyes at my teasing.
     My camera went out of service then, and remained out of service until Wayne stopped everyone to explain the second half of the video. Richie was perched on the drum platform in front of where Tico was sitting. Alec was over next to David, seated on his piano. Jon was over closer to the end of the stage. He didn't notice me bring a stool to sit next to him with my camera. He didn't notice me at all until after I was already filming him. He smiled at first, holding it as if I were taking a still frame. When I didn't put the camera away, his smile faded a little and he brought a hand up to cover my lens.
     That was the last shot I got for the whole day. I took my camera and left him there with my stool. When I looked up next, he was using it. So much for putting that back where I got it. All I could do was return the camera to one of Wayne's crewmen. I was done with filming as far as I was concerned. If that's what I was here to do, I wanted to fly back to New York now.
     "Sweet! We get to fly!" I heard Alec cheer. I smirked. I knew Jon would be excited about that. The boys shuffled offstage and past me, talking amongst themselves on their way down the hall. Something about wardrobe. Probably to cover the harnesses they'd have to wear. I hadn't been listening, honestly. I poured a cup of water and drank it quickly, tipping my head all the way back.
     Matt was in front of me when I put the cup down. "Hey, Nina," he said.
     I coughed, completely surprised to find him there. I'd almost forgotten about him during the last few months of tour. He was wearing similar attire to the people around us, which was probably how he'd gotten into the arena in the first place. He just had a way of blending in that literally made no sense whatsoever. Once I'd managed to catch my breath, I looked around to make sure no one had noticed. Then I grabbed Matt's shoulder and guided him toward the walk space behind the stage.
     "What are you doing here?" I hissed. He knew I didn't like it when he showed up out of the blue. For some reason, that had never stopped him, though. He turned and walked backwards in front of me as we spoke.
     "I needed to talk to you about when you're coming back," he told me. He stumbled on a cable, flailing for something to hang onto for a minute before getting his footing.
     "Watch your step, by the way," I warned. Matt glared at me. I smirked. He was so not intimidating it was funny. I crossed my arms and shrugged. "As far as going back, I don't have a lot of options," I muttered, "I'm on tour, again, Matt."
     Matt nodded as he stepped backwards out from behind the stage. "So I've noticed," he scoffed, gesturing to everything around us. He sighed, "Once I'd remembered that you'd said you were going on tour again, I actually went and looked up the dates, but guess what?"
     "This isn't a tour date," I said with a nod.
     "This isn't a tour date!" Matt confirmed, pointing at me. He took another deep breath and stopped to explain how he'd found me in the end, but I, not listening to a word of it, nudged him along until we were well away from the production crew. "In hindsight, I realize that I probably could have just gone to one of the concerts, but I knew you'd be busy at a concert and I'm never sure what time those things start and finish."
     I looked over my shoulder at the people on and around the stage, making sure none of them were looking our way. I didn't want Matt to get in trouble for sneaking in. Hell, I didn't want to get in trouble for being the person he snuck in to see.
     "Why even bother right now?" I asked, returning my attention to him, "I've got plenty of time before six months is supposed to roll around." I shook my head and gave him a shrug with a 'what gives' expression.
     Matt stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his heels. "I noticed that this tour is longer," he said. I nodded. He sort of sounded like he was trying to get me to suggest something, but the only plan I could think to follow would be the one that we did with the last tour, and we were already on track with that. He had no reason to be here. Matt sighed and shrugged. "I don't know what displacement's gonna do."
     I took a step backwards, away from him. "H-how-how do we even know that's a thing?" I asked uncertainly. "I didn't see anything out of the ordinary last time. Maybe it was just something you read about," I suggested, "A theory, like you said."
     "What if it's not?" Matt challenged, giving me a serious look. I frowned at that. His serious look meant he wasn't joking, despite how comical it actually was coming from him. There was a long pause between us as we both tried to think of something to do, but I wasn't sure there was anything.
     I followed Matt's gaze over my shoulder. The boys were getting back from their wardrobe change. They'd be getting harnessed up pretty soon and in the air in no time after that. I turned back to Matt. His brown eyes met my blue ones, but still we said nothing. I shrugged.
     "What about Christmas?" Matt offered, pulling his hands out of his pockets and holding them out in front of him questioningly, "That's about six months." I scowled at him. He didn't seem to understand that I wasn't going to be able to jump back and fourth during tour. A look of realization crossed his face and, for a minute I thought he'd figured out what I was annoyed about, but then he added, "And we use the RevitaLight to make you look six months younger. I really don't want to get you used to that thing, but I don't see another way."
     The suggestion didn't soften my frown. I crossed my arms again and shook my head at him. "It's not just about looking the same, Matt," I scoffed, "If I go back for six months, it's going to completely screw up my sleep routine and I'm going to lose track of how the shows are progressing technically. I cannot be away that long."
     It was partially true. It would mess up my sleep schedule, but the shows were always very similar on my end of the arena. There wasn't much that changed from night to night unless something went wrong or we got new equipment, both of which happened so rarely. Nevertheless, I knew Matt didn't know anything about how tour worked, so I knew he wouldn't dispute it.
     "You're going to have to come back at some point," he argued, dropping his arms in frustration as he shook his head a little as well. I shrugged again. This was out of my hands. This world of rock n' roll that I'd walked into from out of the future was just the kind of world I'd always dreamed of. I wasn't going to walk away from it again at least until tour was over.
     "Yeah, and I will go back," I retorted, "At the end of tour." Matt gaped at me and shook his head again. So did I, motioning to myself. "They asked for me, Matt. They want me here. I'm not gonna bail on them."
     Matt just stared, still shaking his head. I couldn't tell if he'd decided that he couldn't argue that or if he was simply shocked that I'd put up a fight. He didn't get that this was my happy place. Of course, he didn't know about Jon either. I hadn't told him when I was home last. I'd known that if I had, I'd never set foot in the 80s again. As far as I was concerned, Matt didn't need to know.
     "Nina!" Wayne's voice shouted. I turned to look and the director was waving me over.
     "I'll be right there, just a second!" I called back. Matt frowned when I looked back at him. I started to back away as I said, "We can talk about this after tour."
     "But Nina," he tried to protest.
     I shook my head. "Bye Matt," I told him, pointing to the far end of the arena, before turning around to join Wayne in front of the stage. I glanced over my shoulder as I stopped next to the director. Matt was already vanishing into the shadows at the other side of the stadium. I watched him disappear completely and then turned back to the stage.
     "Friend of yours?" Wayne asked, motioning over his shoulder. I followed his gaze into the darkness and then shook my head as we turned back to look at each other.
     "It's his first day on the venue staff," I lied, "He wandered in here." Wayne narrowed his eyes at me, and for a minute I didn't think he was going to believe me. Then he shrugged it off and turned back to the stage. I closed my eyes and then looked down at my shoes, still uncertain how much Wayne had noticed of my conversation with Matt.
     I looked up at the stage when I heard Jon's voice go, "Woah!"
     Jon, Richie, and Alec were all floating anywhere between five and ten feet in the air. I smiled. They were so much fun to watch as they played and practiced maneuvering without any ground to walk on. David and Tico were on stage, going between the three flyers. I laughed when David pushed Alec and the bassist attempted to run as he swung forward. My eyes, though, instinctively gravitated toward Jon. He was talking to Richie over his shoulder as he attempted to figure out turning around.
     Every once in awhile, over the whole course of their practice, I could feel Wayne glancing over at me. I tried not to look to entertained, but it was just so much fun watching them. They were such goofballs. Tico sent Richie spinning, which turned into mid-air tumbling. I watched Jon with an admiring smile. He looked ridiculous in that harness with those pants, but I couldn't stop thinking about how much that made me love him. He wasn't afraid to be ridiculous.
     "Take your stand with you, Jon!" Wayne called, causing me to jump at little. Jon grabbed his stand and waved but went right back to talking with his stunt coordinator. I didn't take my eyes off him, watching him with that same dopey smile as he showed his coordinator what he wanted to do in the air.
     "Wow," Wayne chuckled, looking over at me, "I did not believe him."
     It was then that I realized how much I'd been staring at Jon. Oh God, how must that have looked? I turned to look at Wayne and just stared. My mind went completely blank in my panic. Somebody knew? Oh no, oh no, oh no. What had they told him? Who was it? What was I supposed to say? What if he didn't know and I said the wrong thing? Then he would! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.
     Wayne only smirked. "You are a... huge fan!" he laughed, "I didn't see it when we first met, but it's so obvious now!"
     I let out a short laugh in relief. Crossing my arms, I leaned toward him a little. "Yeah," I muttered, "But don't tell Jon, he'll get a big head." Wayne laughed and I grinned. Holy crap, that was terrifying. I let out another relieved chuckle and asked, "Who told you?"
     "Doc did," Wayne said, "I asked if he knew somebody who knew the band and loved the music. I didn't want some crazy fangirl in here all over them. He told me that their sound engineer volunteered to do their first tour because she loved their music, is that true?" he asked, looking at me.
     I blushed a little and nodded.
     He grinned again and shook his head, looking back at the stage. "That's why I asked them to bring you along," he explained, "Because I wanted to see what a fan would think of what I was doing for this video before I brought all those kids in here tonight for the show." He turned to look at me again. "So what do you think?"
     "I think..." I began, trailing off to think of all the times I'd willingly watched this video on either YouTube at school or MTV when I ran away. This video was iconic. It would never get old. He was doing it right. I smiled and nodded. "I think they're going to love it." Wayne smirked at my answer and we both looked up as Jon leapt from the stage and flew up into the air.
     I grinned as the singer stopped and hung there over us, mic stand and all. He looked like he was having the time of his life.
     You're like my Superman. I remembered curling up against him and telling him that.
     Does that make you Lois Lane? I smirked at the memory and shook my head, scrunching up my nose at the idea, even now.
     Then, without another thought, I grinned and shouted up at him, "Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!"
     "It's Jon Bon Jovi!" he laughed back. And I giggled with him.