Why Me?

2. Settling In

My feet led me along the apartment unit that was our latest home. No more boxes filled the place as it was now empty, minus all the big furniture. However for the first time since stepping foot into this one bedroom apartment, I was shocked at how big it looked empty. For a place for us that was always so cramped and cluttered up with boxes. This place wasn't actually that bad.

I walked to the empty bedroom and stared at the bed we slept on together. My eyes traced the cracked and peeling paint. I definitely would not be missing this place, that was for sure.

"Hika, do you have everything?" My mother asked me from the living room where she stood.

Staring into the bedroom for another moment I finally replied to her question. "Yah." Turning my back on yet another old room and home, I walk past my mom and exit our unit. Waiting for her to lock up the final moment we walked down to the main lobby of the building where she met the landlord and handed in the keys.

Leaving the building my eyes instantly land on our van we own, it just like all our homes is worn down and old. But it gets us to where we need to be. The back seat and trunk is just filled to the max with items and cardboard boxes. This is how we lived. We always move in one go. We then rent furnished homes and apartments, leaving us just needing to pack our own items.

Climbing into the front passenger seat of the van, I lean back into the seat and stare out the window.

"Will you miss it here?" My mom asks as she too climbs in, and starts up the engine. I knew she didn't just mean the apartment, but this town, the school.

"No." My answer was short in reply and dead on. There was absolutely nothing here I would miss. Not anything.

"Is there no one who you will miss?" She asked, though she already knew my answer for that.

"No."

"I am sure some kids from school will miss you."

My mind for a split moment went to that girl from school. The girl who was my science partner. I remember her kissing me just the other day, and confessing her feelings to me. "No mom, no one will miss me." My voice is void of all emotion. 

With the sound of a sign escaping my mother we drive off away from the apartment.

"I promise you Hika." Her voice was soft as she spoke quietly. "This is the last move. We will stay in our new place long enough for you to finish your junior year, and graduate your senior year of high school."

As much as I wanted to believe her. I couldn't. So I remained silent as she drove us out of the town.

...

"Hika." I softly feeling my body being shaken. "Hunny, wake up. We are here."

"Huh?" I mumbled. My eyes opened and I saw it was dark out. At some point on the drive I must have fallen asleep. But here we were, a new city and a new life awaiting us. My eyes flicker to my mom as she smiled softly.

"Welcome home hunny." I follow her gaze to look out the window. Before us is a pretty run down looking home. "It may not look like much from the outside. But we will have plenty of space here."

I stared in wonder at the house most people would scoff at. Most wouldn't even give it a double take. Climbing out of the van, I remove the hood of my sweater from my head. My dyed hair falling across my eyes, as I blink them in silence. I noticed the neighborhood didn't look that great. It seemed run down. and most the houses did as well. My eyes flicker back to my mom who is already walking up to the main doorway and pulls out a key. I watch her unlock the from door as it opens up before us.

With a soft creak, the door opened as she walked in. Slowly I hesitantly follow behind her. Inside the place however, looked much nicer then it did outside. I was expecting cobwebs everywhere, as well as broken floor pieces. But it was actually decent inside this run down place. There was a small living room that contained couches, coffee table and a television. The flooring was a soft carpet, as I walk to the kitchen. We had a decent sized one at that. Stove, oven. Freezer, fridge, microwave  and sink. What more did we need?

"Your bedroom is upstairs." I look to my mom in a stunned silence. "Mine is on the main floor just down that hallway." She pointed with a gesture. "There is also a bathroom next to mine."

I didn't want to ask this, but it blurted out as quickly as it came to my mind. "How, how can we afford a house this size?"

My mother's smile was beautiful as she chuckled. "The price is actually better than what I was paying for the last apartment. We get a lot more space, our own bedrooms. Plus we will be saving money in rent, allowing us to spend more for food."

"Why is this place so cheap?" I looked to her in a worry.

"Hika, you saw the outside, the neighborhood. This home is in a not so desirable location for most, but we lived in worse neighborhoods before." I nodded at her statement. That was very true, we once lived where homeless men and women slept outside our building. "This place is perfect for us." That smile she gave off, warmed my heart greatly. "Go check out your new bedroom. Then we can start unpacking the van."

Nodding my head, I basically turned and rushed up the stairs. I haven't had my own room in so long.

Stopping at the top of the stairs, I saw a tiny hallway. Glancing to the left I see a door as I walk to it. My pale hand places on the handle as I turned it open. Upon it opening my blue eyes take in a bathroom. There was a shower and tub, as well a counter and sink. This meant me and my mom even had our own bathrooms. This was exciting.

My eyes then landed on the second and last door upstairs. My feet led me to it quickly as I opened it up and saw the bedroom.

It wasn't huge. But it is bigger then the last one me and mom shared, that is for sure. I took in the bed that sat in the corner against the wall. A small window over top of it on the wall. There was a closet across the room, something I would never use. I then noticed there were empty wooden book shelves, as well as book cases. I already again know I wont use those either. I do not plan to unpack a single one of my boxes. Because I do know the truth. The very moment I do, we will need to repack and move.

Walking over to my new bed, I sit down and lean my back against the wall. A sigh escapes my lips as I knew what awaited me tomorrow.

"Tomorrow, I start at yet another new school." I whisper out softly to no one but myself. I have been the new kid, at way to many schools to be able to keep track of them by now. 

"Give it a month." I whisper to myself as my fingers play with the end of my left sleeve of my sweater. Mom promised this will be our last move. However I know better then to believe that. I know the truth, the moment I allow myself to settle in. I will be ripped apart from everything.

Standing from the bed, I make my way back down to where my mom is. We spend the next hour unpacking our van into the living room. Then I worked on taking my personal boxes upstairs. I stack them up against the wall as I then lay on my bed after putting clean bedding on it.

Soon sleep took over me. Knowing tomorrow, would be a day of hell.

...

Dressed in all black the following morning, as per my usual. I pulled on my black sweater, and glanced at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My vivid flaming, red hair pops out in contrast to the black clothes I am wearing.  As well as my pale skin. Walking down the stairs my mother meets me with a smile.

"I hope you have a good first day, today Hika." She hugs me tightly in her embrace as I sighed.

I give a small smile to reassure her, as I hugged her back. "I will try mom." I reply in a whisper. 

Leaving the house in the early morning, I place my headphones on my ears. Blasting my music, I walk down the street with my hands in my pocket. We looked up the route to get to the school, So I knew exactly how to get there.

The moment however I reach the school grounds, I pause in my steps. Glancing around the grass and pavement, I already see it. Groups of friends hanging out together. They are all smiling, as well as seeming to have a good time. Dropping my shoulders slightly, my head hangs faintly. I then make my way through the front gates of this new hell.

...