Why Me?

22. He Has It

Waking up the following morning was tough. My mind was scattered as I focused on walking to my bathroom, and crawling into my shower. The room filled with hot steam, fogging up the mirrors and moisture forming on the walls slightly.

Closing my eyes as the hot water scorches at my pale skin, I was still unable to block out memories of yesterday. That was the last thing I wanted to think of, yet I couldn't get those words out of my mind.

"Ryuuzaki, you know we will not allow this. We will not allow you to throw our great family name into the trash. Just so you can date someone like him!"

To see Ryuu getting scolded like that, to see the look on his face. It was hard to witness, he is normally so confident and overpowering. I never thought I would see him so deflated and unable to fight back.

"You! Get the fuck out of my home! I never want to see you here ever again!"

Being my true self, and never once hiding the fact I am gay. I am very used to most people being disgusted by me. But this was completely new for Ryuu. I could only imagine how hard he was taking this, would he even show up at school tomorrow?

"If he does, I won't let him come out to anyone else." Whispering that I sighed. I hated being kept in the shadows with him. But perhaps we could make it work, I don't want anyone else treating him like his parents did. "Why did I have to make a huge fuss about him telling anyone."

This was all my fault. Him being yelled at like that, it was all my fault.

"I hate myself." Whispering I noticed the water was making my skin turn red. Sighing I shut off of the water and wrapped a towel around my dripping wet form. "I was being selfish." Staring at my reflection in the still slightly fogged up mirror, I only see Ryuuzaki's face from yesterday.

"Ryuu never wanted to tell people because of this, and now his own parents are really upset with him. I hate my life." My hand formed into a fist, these dark thoughts were creeping into my mind. "No, no. I promised him I wouldn't."

Opening my eyes, I stared down at my left arm. Unable to handle these feelings my hands flew to the bathroom cabinet. Pulling it opened, I stared inside for something, anything.

"Damn it." My body was shaking now as I ran to my bedroom, my hands still empty. That was when my body froze. Still there from yesterday was the first aid kit. With a racing heart I ran to it, quickly opening it I stared at what it held. Reaching out I to pick them up, my hand freezes as I heard his words ringing in my mind.

"Hika, you trusted Hanzu as your boyfriend to help you when you needed it. Instead he tricked you, lead you down a destructive path. Let me lead you back, back to me."

His handsome face came into my mind.

"Just come to me next time Hika."

The image of his face was clear in my mind, as he spoke those words to me. However the images of the pain I caused him yesterday, flooded over all of that.

"Ryuu, I caused you so much pain and suffering." Reaching into the first aid kit, I pulled out the small metal scissors meant to cut the bandage strips. Holding them tightly in my right hand, I stared at my left arm.

My arm was looking better since Ryuu cleaned it up yesterday, yet here I was about to add to it once more. Trying my best to clear my mind, but there was no use. It was in my mind, stuck there playing on repeat.

"I caused him that, all from being greedy." Pushing the small blade to my wrist, I inhaled sharply. "Just a small cut to ease the pain, just one more." Whispering those words I pulled the blade across my skin.