Why Me?

17. Who Is He?

Never once did I mean for Ryuuzaki, to find out the truth about my problems and my past. Especially like that. Though he still never once pressured me to talk about it. I was very thankful for him in that way.

However since that day he saw the contents of that box. Along with the fresh cut on my arm, he has been spending more and more time with me. Most days after school, he comes over to my place now. I know he is afraid of what I may do if I am alone. But I can't help but love how he is putting me number one in his life.

I screwed up. I screwed up big that day. Never should have I let myself over react like I did. Now, I can never take it back. It is just like two years ago now, it will always be there to haunt me.

Walking into advanced literature, I took my seat at the back of the room. Deep in my thoughts, I stared quietly at my left arm. Pulling my one sleeve up just enough to see my newest cut, I felt as if it was mocking me in some sort of way.

"Hika." My head snapped up as I saw Ryuuzaki before me. His eyes glance to my wrist as he sat down beside me. Quickly I pulled my sleeve back down. I knew how terrible he felt about this situation, and I really didn't mean to remind him of it. After letting him explain it to me, I believe him. That kiss with Yumi meant nothing to him, I knew he cared only for me. I knew that now.

"I'm fine." My voice was monotone as I spoke out softly.

"Hey, I have practice today after school. I was hoping you would come and watch? Then I was thinking we could hang out after."

Turning my gaze to him, I gave him a soft little smile. "Sure, sounds perfect." That truly did sound perfect to me, I loved spending most of my time with him now. It sucked we couldn't spend more time together at school, being a year younger than him stopped that.

Hearing my answer and seeing my happy little smile, made him smile as well. His smiles always made my heart skip a beat.

As our class began. We sat next to one another working on our partnered project. My body jumps slightly when I felt something warm brush against my hand. Glancing to Ryuu, he kept his eyes on his books. However his hand softly took mine in his. Raising his gaze he gave me a smile that warmed my body.

For the remainder of class, we secretly held hands under the desks. He still hasn't come out to the world yet. But if he can be patient with me and waiting for me to tell him of my past. Than I will be patient with him, about keeping us a secret.

...

Soon a month has passed us by. It was November, and there was definitely a chill in the air. There I was sitting on the bleachers outside, as Ryuu was having his soccer practice. This past month I have been good, and I have yet to harm myself since that day. But I am still not quite back to my usual self yet.

Watching Ryuu run the field doing drills with his teammates, I can't help the sigh escaping my lips.

Ryuuzaki still has yet to announce to his friends and family, that I am his boyfriend. With more and more days passing keeping this a secret, it is sinking me lower into depression. I was tired of hiding the truth, I just wanted him to be proud of me. These thoughts always hit me now. Was he embarrassed about me? Ashamed to tell others I was his?

The question as to why he hasn't told anyone yet, is tormenting me. Honestly I wasn't sure how much longer I could take this. My heart was growing tired of sneaking around to be alone with him.

I was deep in my thoughts as my eyes followed my boyfriend. That I was unaware of another approaching me.

"Now this is a big shock." Without even blinking, my entire body tensed up. I knew that voice. "Hikaru Yamashita, at a soccer practice?"