Why Me?

8. Tutoring Begins

My lips flushed against his, felt so amazing. This was a feeling I haven't felt in years. Not since that one guy anyways. Pushing that thought from my mind, I reluctantly pull my lips from his to gaze upon his face. 

His eyes closed, as his breathing rapidly picked up. Slowly retaking my seat at the end of the couch once more, he finally opens his eyes and looks to me. Looking anywhere but at him, I lean my back into the couch more. My eyes stare up at the ceiling, as I remain silent and wait for him to come to first.

"T-that, that w-was." Remaining silent, I let Ryuuzaki try to come to terms with what I just did.

"Told you." I whispered out quietly. "I am a freak."

"You are not a freak, ok?" He words blurted out suddenly. "Uh, when. I mean...uhh h-how long?"

Rolling my eyes, I finish the sentence for him. "How long have I known, that I am gay?" My gaze turns to him. "Look, it's not like saying the word will offend me. I'm gay, who really gives a shit." Shrugging my shoulders I watch him closely.

"Ok, well when did you realize you. Uhh well you know, liked guys?" He spoke calmly. It was clear he was trying to be careful with what he said, and how he said it. However I knew all to well, he was the complete opposite of calm. After all, a guy did just kiss him.

"Always have." I mumbled, with another shrug to my shoulders. My gaze flickers once more to the ceiling as I study it. Again I spot soft cracks in the paint, a habit of mine for always being able to spot. "It isn't something that you just decide. You don't magically go one moment from liking girls, to guys in a day. It's something you are born with, just many don't realize it. At least not right away, or for most of their lives."

"So, no girl has every attracted your attention?"

"No." I kept my eyes on the ceiling. "And no girl ever will. I like guys. I am gay. I won't go around pretending I am someone, that I am not."

"You think that I am though, don't you. Pretending I mean." He mumbled out in a breathless sigh.

Looking to him, I can see the confusion clear as day in his eyes. "You didn't once try and stop me."

"I, u-uhh."

"Look, you bloody hell know what I was going to do. You basically were screaming for me to kiss you." Standing from the couch annoyed, I walked across the lounge towards the door. "I knew, I never should have came here with you."

"Wait, Hikaru. Please, don't leave."

"Why?" Turning around, I watch Ryuuzaki stand from the couch.

"I..."

"That is not a good enough reason for me to stay." I grumbled, turning around once more. My hand gripped the door handle as I started to turn it.

"Wait!" 

In that very instant, my body froze. My hand still on the handle, my blue eyes opened fully wide in shock. I felt his arms wrap around my small form, from behind.

"Please." He whispered softly, as he held me to his chest.

My heart was racing madly, as I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled a deep breath. "You are even more confused now, aren't you?" With my words, I could feel his form tremble faintly.

"I, I know I didn't d-dislike it, b-but..."

"But you are not ready, not ready to say that this is what you want. The thought of being attracted to a guy, it scares you Ryuuzaki. You wish to be normal, like everyone else. Liking girls, would be so much easier for you that way."