can i be close to you ~ boreo

part five

that night boris kept blabbing about how kotku is the best.

"we drank until we threw up..." he said daydreamily

"boris, shut up. i really don't care right now." he didn't say anything, and stopped talking.

i looked over at him, and he was looking at the ceiling. he slowly closed his mouth and smiled. i knew he was wasted with all the beers he drank tonight.

"potter?" he asked after a brief silence.

"hm," i replied, looking at the ceiling with him.

"what if kotku broke up with me?" he asked quietly.

well then that'd be great, i thought. or at least i thought i thought, but i guess i accidentally said it out loud.

"what?! why would that be great?" he said, almost laughing. he didn't seem mad at me.

"can't say, boris..." i rolled over on my side, suddenly sad.

"eh? why not?" i pulled the covers over my shoulder.

"because things wouldn't be the same between us" i realized that i probably just have it away, but then again boris was so wasted he wouldn't remember this conversation in the next six hours.

"is that so..." i heard him shift over so now he was facing my back. my heart began racing. i didn't reply.

it was silent after that for the next two minutes. i was certain that boris was out cold because of the quiet.

my thoughts were wrong.

"i remember the first day me and kotku tried acid together. it was her third time. my first. you believe that shit?" he said, with a snort of laughter at the end.

"can you actually just shut up? i don't give a fuck about yours and kotkus relationship!" i snapped. i had no regrets saying what i said. i was so fed up with him talking about it.

"why?"

"what do you mean why? that's all you've been talking about for the past.. ever since you met her?!" he hesitated.

"yes but, there has to be more to it than that."

"what the fuck do you mean by that?" i asked him, rolling over to face him.

"you have not yelled at me for it until now. what gives?" i wasn't mad anymore, it just washed away. because he was right.

"i don't know, i guess i wasn't fed up with it until now..."

"sure, potter." he rolled back over. now was a good time to tell him how i felt. but then again, it was better to stay quiet about everything if he was drunk or not.

but i made a decision that night. i decided it wouldn't hurt. he wasn't going to remember anyways, and i hated having my feelings bottled up.

"boris?" i asked, heart racing.

"what." i didn't say anything.

"nevermind. goodnight."

i rolled back over and closed my eyes. i was mentally beating myself up for chickening out, but it was too risky and i was too scared.

"goodnight potter"